


Debts Paid

by her_silhouette



Series: Promises Made/Debts Paid [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-11 04:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 60,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3314168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/her_silhouette/pseuds/her_silhouette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donatello was sick of it. Sick of the self-doubts, of the lingering insecurities that had plagued him his entire life, of the sitting on the sidelines while others took the fate of his family into their own hands. This time, it would be him who set things in motion. This time, it would be his turn to protect the people he loved instead of waiting to be rescued. Even if it cost him his life. Sequel to Promises Made. </p><p>Warning, this fic contains character death and violence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Off I Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello reflects on his choice to take his brother's place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, folks! This is the sequel to my story Promises Made, and it is heavily suggested that you read that first before starting on this one. The first half of the story tells Don's point of view about what happened in the last story and the second part continues where we left off in Promises Made. Thank you, for those who have been with me since the start of this thing, for your patience and loyalty. I'm am extremely pleased. So, without further ado, enjoy!
> 
> Beta’d by Kamerer220.

Prologue – Off I Go

-o-

“A promise made is a debt unpaid”   
― Robert W. Service,  _The Cremation of Sam McGee_

-o-

It was going to be a cold winter.

Hamato Donatello had spent so many years studying many topics, including weather and the science behind it, and he could tell by the frigid chill in the air when it was still October that the oncoming winter would be a harsh one probably filled with large quantities of snow and icy roads. They would have to start early in giving the homeless supplies: blankets, portable heaters that Don would make, food, coats, etc. They would have to get the lair ready, too. They would be protected from the snow, sure, but heat rises, which mean it could be even colder underground than it would be on the streets. He knew April would gladly open her home to them for protection. Their family was either all cold-blooded or had very minimal body fat to protect them from the colder elements. It was also going to be a harsh spring, with the excess snow melting and having the possibility of flooding to cause them problems. He’d have to figure out before March how their lair would hold up under these conditions.

Well, his family would have to. The likelihood of him surviving this mission was… not good.

Don tried to ignore the ping in his heart. He didn’t have time to dwell on regret and fears. He had a lot of work to get done and so little time to do it. His family would be fine, he was almost positive about that. They had worked very hard these past few months to make their new lair into the condition it was in now. It helped that it was sturdy and reliable to begin with. Leonardo had chosen wisely and picked a primo spot for their new domicile. It was secluded, abandoned a long time ago, and they had been able to get power easily diverted to it with relative ease. It had been easier to protect than their last lair.

Don forced himself to stop thinking about the old lair, because thinking about it caused him to be angry and upset. He didn’t need any more distracting emotions. He needed to keep his mind clear on this mission. Even he couldn’t stop the thoughts and memories to filter through his mind, however, and that made him both confused and sad.

He thought of why he was doing what he was doing, this stupid plan he had made on a whim. He knew that anger and fear had been the driving force that kept him pushing forward despite the doubts and the insecurities. Anger that Leo was so trusting and seemed so eager to jump in front of a bullet for them instead of just telling them to get down. Fear that Leo was really going to die, that he would allow himself to walk into a trap thinking he was going to protect his family forever by sacrificing himself. That’s how it’s always been, even as children. They all had their own roles they played: he was the nerd, Michelangelo was the goofball, Raphael was the hot-head, and Leo was their big brother. It really wasn’t a surprise that Leo would be the first turtle to sacrifice himself for his family. Leo was the protector of many things: Foot clans, monsters under the bed, bugs (for Raph), and their own failings. Don had taken comfort from his brother’s protectiveness. It was something he had relied on heavily in their early years. Don had had a bad time with his own insecurities and limits. He may have excelled greatly in the intellectual department, but when it came to physical endeavors, he knew he was lacking. It caused him to try and over compensate and over extend himself, which caused him to be more accident prone and susceptible to illness because he didn’t know how to pace himself.

Don remembered feeling like he needed to contribute more to a family full of skilled ninjas, and that he was a burden to them. He wasn’t as gifted as the rest of them were and would only slow them down when it came to battles. He hadn’t wanted to be left behind while his brothers went out. He hadn’t wanted Splinter to love him any less for not being a great ninja like the rest of his brothers. The other three had been adamant that they didn’t think about him that way, and that he was wanted and needed as an important member of their team. When they were young, though, he had gotten teased a lot for his differences, especially from Raph and Mikey. Raph had a mean streak, stemming from his own insecurities, and Mikey had looked up to Raphael over all of them and would join in just to fit in with him. Leonardo, on the other hand, had been his most prominent defender. He would always have his back when Raph (and Mikey) would get on his shell, always listen to his theories even if he didn’t understand them, and was the turtle he went to when his nightmares got the best of him. Leo would allow him to crawl into his bed and whisper to him that he wouldn’t let anyone take him, that no sewer worker was going to take his genius of a brother and sell him to a lab. He’d tell he’ll always look out for him, and he had. Leo had taken up the mantle of leader and big brother, and all the responsibilities that came with it. Don had taken comfort in that, it had allowed the rest of them to concentrate on their own interests: Don and his machines and experiments, Raph with his motor vehicles and his own brand of training, and Mikey with his video games and comic books. It had also allowed them to keep a certain level of their innocence intact until they had to really face battle. Even then, Leo liked to try and take up most of the workload away from them, regardless of if they appreciated it or not.

Leo was just so quick to act and protect them, whether physically or emotionally, and had asked for so little in return. Even though the three of them knew they had Leo’s back, sometimes they were unsure if he knew that. The only thing he had ever expected from them was their loyalty to him and that was given to him freely. He had never needed to prove himself over and over again as he had.

Thought it was not the most pleasant memory, and he had grown frustrated with the situation, Don had clearly remembered Leo’s part in his recovery from his second mutation. Despite Leatherhead’s genius and how quickly the antidote had transformed him back into his regular body, the transition had been rough. For the first few weeks, Don had suffered from fevers, headaches, body chills, nausea, and general aches and pains that would keep him awake when his body was in much need of sleep. There was always the threat of a relapse, not knowing if the Utrom mutagen that had slowed down the one Stockman had created was going to remain stable after the antidote. If he did relapse, would he revert to the monster he had just turned into, back into the turtle he had started off as, or would his body just merely collapse, and he spent the last minutes of his life in agony.

Don barely remembered any of it. If he wasn’t having horrific nightmares while he slept, he was incoherent from the pain and/or fever. When he _could_ distinguish between the hallucinations and the darkness, Don would see Leo taking care of him. He knew that his whole family and friends had taken turns to care for him, but it always seemed to be his eldest brother’s turn when he came out of the fog.

It was Leo’s strong hands that held lukewarm cloths to his forehead and holding the spoon filled with broth so he could feed. It was his brother’s gentle voice reading from the plethora of books from Don’s own room, talking about historical facts or scientific discoveries of old that he knew would sooth his bright brother’s fevered brain.

Throughout it all, Leo would telling him gently, “Don’t worry, Donnie. I got you. I’ll take care of you.”

He had said that many times, over and over again, and Don had been reassured, he had been comforted and lulled into sleep, and eventually, he had gotten better. His family’s love and patience had brought him through, and he had never been more grateful to have been mutated into this family in his life.

The experience had humbled Donnie, and made him realized the type sacrifices his family were willing to put up with. Specifically Leo. Especially Leo.

What his brother had planned to do that night proved it. Leo had been so keen on protecting his family, he had lied and snuck around the people he trusted the most just to make sure that his plan for their future would go exactly how he had wanted it.

Too bad Leo had a sneaky younger brother, who liked to make plans of his own. One who was sick of feeling like he should be doing something other than letting Leo take the fall for everything. One who could be just as sneaky and was a better liar than Leo was.

One who felt he had a debt to pay.

Leo had taken care of him his entire life. He had driven back the monsters, both literally and figuratively. He had given him the courage to grow into his own turtle, and not one he felt pressured to be. He had went through hell and back to save his life. Don thought it was about time he took care of Leo for a change.

He looked down into the blade of the katana and stared at his reflection through the smooth and polished steel. The face that stared back at him was the same one he had seen in the mirror for seventeen years, with one exception. A blue mask was now fitting snuggly where his purple one usually resided. Yes, it was time Don took the reins of their family’s safety in his own hands.

No matter the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope it was worth the wait. This was, without a doubt, the shortest chapter in this story. So just to warn you, some of them are super long. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song by Greg Laswell.


	2. Chapter 1 - How To Save A Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It started out as a good day for Donatello. He, of all the turtles, should have known better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, seriously, I’m speechless with the response I’ve gotten so far. I’m so happy you guys are enjoying this series. Thank you so very much! 
> 
> Okay folks, just so y’all aren’t confused, the next two chapters take place during Promises Made, only from Donnie’s POV. 
> 
> Beta’d by the lovely Kamerer220.

Chapter 1 – How To Save A Life

-o-

“You cannot save everyone. Some people are going to destroy themselves no matter how much you try to help them.”

\- Bryant McGill

-o-

*Six Days Before*

The day had started out with so much promise.

Don awoke at seven a.m., a whole five hours after he finally put himself into bed. It was so rare he got that much sleep in one night and he was feeling the effects greatly. He wasn’t out of breath when he finished his sparring that morning, which hasn’t happened all too often in the past few months. He finished the programing done for his new software program which would be inputted into the security system as soon as he was done rewiring all the breakers in the tunnel to the north of them. They were already taking a lot of power from the new pump station, so he didn’t want to catch the city’s attention with using too much of it. He had to spread it out, even if it meant more work for him. He’d been lucky, really, having his brothers being overly cautious with him as they’ve been. It was annoying, most of the time, but now all he had to say he wanted something done, and they’d all jump in to try to help. He also fixed the wiring in the Battleshell. The thing about using junk parts was that everything wore out so quickly after being used twice over. He was going to go with Raph to pick up some more parts later, but it was nice to know that the Battleshell won’t conk out on him in the process. All he needed was a spare part to fix the backup generator and figure out why that east side camera was screwy, and he would have called the day a success. The camera should be an easy fix, he was sure that Leo just hadn’t installed it securely. He loved his older brother very much, but he was so nervous around technological equipment (the exact opposite problem as Raph and Mikey, who were sometime too rough) that he wouldn’t apply the right amount of pressure a stubborn piece of equipment that some of their second and third-hand electronics needed to get working. The real problem had been the generator. They didn’t have the piece Don needed in the lair, which meant a run to the junkyard.

Donnie knew, as well as he knew the quadratic formula, that Leo wouldn’t want him making a run by himself, especially if it was still daylight outside. He knew he would tell him to wait until he went up with Raph that they should make a detour and grab it then. But Don also knew that Raph wouldn’t be too pleased to have to make multiple stops, and that he knew exactly where he could get the part he needed, and it was in one of the more secluded yards that he frequented, and it was on the opposite side of town from the auto shop they wanted to visit later. It would have only been prudent and time saving if Don went then and there, and by himself, than to wait until later. He was free (at least, free enough, with that long to-do list of his) and he was ninja. He could get in and out in under thirty minutes, fifteen if they didn’t move the pile a little while dumping more parts on it. So Don had snuck out and went to the junkyard alone. It had been as he predicted, an in-and-out job that lasted nineteen minutes and twenty-eight seconds. At least, it would have been an in-and-out job if he hadn’t seen that Foot ninja hiding in the shadows of a junk pile, ready to attack him.

Donatello had been lucky. He had been doing a little crowing at finding the right part in the exact spot he expected to be. If he hadn’t done a little jig as a way of celebration, he wouldn’t have turned in the direction that he had and he would have never seen his enemy before the spy had darted back behind the pile and be completely hidden.

Thank goodness for all those years of training and his quick thinking. He didn’t allow himself to pause his celebration, just let it end a little soon than he had planned to. He then placed the item securely in his bag and walked off to another pile, pretending he was going to search for something else. He was able to track the movements of the other occupant in the yard, and the Foot didn’t moved too far from the drain that Don had entered the yard from, so he knew that whatever trap they planned on springing on him had to happen there. Thankfully, Don knew this yard well, and moved to a junk pile that was partially covering a sewer cover. The purple-masked turtle waited until his stalker had hidden themselves behind yet another pile of junk and moved around until he himself was completely cut off from sight with any prying eyes and slipped into the sewer. He used his bo to hit some of the junk to fall before quickly replacing the cover, letting the falling debris hide the man cover again. He then high tailed it out of there, going the long way back to their new lair.

So, that had been incredibly stupid. Idiotically stupid. He should have never snuck out around Sensei’s and Leo’s back and he should have never went off alone, no matter if he was sick of the babying. No matter if he just wanted some alone time not cooped up in the lair while everyone made worried eye at him. No matter that he felt fully healthy for the first time in the past few months. He needed to stop being the stubborn turtle that he had become and accept the help that they were so willing to give him.

So that was what he was going to do. He was going to march right up to Leo, confess his crimes and just accept whatever punishment his family will hand out. Getting pommelled by the Foot would probably seem like a slap on the wrist compared to what Leo and Master Splinter could come up with, and he’d probably never have another second to be by himself for the rest of his life. That would have been okay, wouldn’t it? He was kind of being an idiot for going out, in the daylight no less, by himself because he didn’t want a babysitter. When Don had entered the lair, and found it slightly deserted, he decided to start with Leo’s room first.

He didn’t mean to snoop. Don only went into the room because Leo hadn’t answered. It was not unheard of for his older brother to be so lost in the spiritual world that he ignored somebody’s presence in the real one. Don truly felt that if he backed off and let the katana-wielding turtle be, he wouldn’t come back later to face the justice he deserved. Besides, a Foot attack after so many months of quiet needed to be addressed. So he entered, trying to find the words he should use to help both defuse the situation and to keep Leo’s focus on the Foot rather than his own mistake. He wasn’t put off at first at the darkness. They all knew Leo preferred to dim his visual sense to heighten his experience. After a cursory look around their leader’s room with only the light from the hall to see, however, he knew that he was not in there. He started to close the door and leave, but then he saw it.

The letter. More specifically, he had seen a piece of paper that had a shuriken laid out on top of it. He wouldn’t have thought nothing of it if his keen eyes hadn’t noticed emblem on it, belonging to the Foot clan. It stopped him cold. What was his brother doing with what appeared to be a Foot correspondence? What the heck would they want to tell Leo that he hadn’t told them yet? Because that was the custom for them, if they had any news, it was spread around to everyone, quickly.

Don had been a curious child. Most of his misadventures involved him getting into thing he wasn’t supposed to, and that had not been because he felt the need to break any rules or had a malicious intent to cause mischief. He just wanted know how things worked, how _everything_ worked. There had been more than once that one or more of his brothers’ toys were taken apart without permission purely for the fact that Don had just wanted to see the insides. It had been hard for Splinter to discipline him because Don had been truly sorry that his caused his family some grief with his transgressions, but he had found he just couldn’t help himself. He would get punished, be repentant, and then would do it again and again. Raph would claim later that Don must be a masochist if he kept doing thing that kept him in trouble. Eventually, though, Splinter ended up just finding broken toys and appliances that needed repairing and that had both occupied Donnie’s inquisitive and explorative mind and saved everyone else’s possessions.

Don didn’t really mean to snoop, but his mind just couldn’t help but wonder, and after the afternoon he had dodging a Foot ambush, and he advanced further into Leo’s room and picked up the letter. Part of him wishes he hadn’t read the damn thing, and that he had remained ignorant of the deal that Karai had proposed to Leo. That way he wouldn’t have felt that unbridled fear that had kept him awake for so many nights. He would have stayed innocent to the goings on in his brother’s world and would not have been culpable for anything that Leo would choose to do. He would have had his righteous anger when it was all said and done, and he would have clung to it like a lifeline in the storm that would have undoubtedly fallen upon them in the aftermath.

Now he could no longer claim ignorance, nor could he just sit by and allow his brother to martyr himself simply because he had this imbecilic impulse to save people. He had walked into this tangled web blindly, without any real thought or awareness of what or where his actions would take him. All because of his stupid curiosity. Curiosity was sure to kill this kitty.

He couldn’t just let this go and pretend he never saw it. Now that he knew, there was no way he could just sit back and let his brother go through with this… this ill-advised arrangement with Karai. Because he knew Leonardo, he knew his brother like he knew himself. Leo had always tried to see the good in people, even in his enemies. He was always giving others the benefit of the doubt, and while it was an admirable trait, and he had been correct more times that he was not, Donnie knew that this was not one of those times.

The timing of the Foot’s failed ambush made sense, now. They had wanted to attack Donnie, in a place he frequented, to send a message to Leonardo that she would keep her word if he chooses not to follow her plan. Don knew that he was the weakest fighter out of all of them, and that made him an easier target than any of his other brothers. He knew that Karai knew this too. His beaten body would have been the perfect catalyst to spur his older brother into accepting Karai’s invitation to have some “duel to the death.” She must have also known that even if he had escaped unscathed, that the would-be victim would rush to his family and tell them what was going on. The close call would have caused the same reaction. It would cause Leo to go into overprotective mode and do whatever it took to ensure his family’s safety. Even if it meant making a deal with the devil.

Don had a horrible feeling that Leo was going to accept it, even without the catalyst. There was no timestamp on the letter, but Don was pretty smart, he could easily figure this out. Based on how fresh the ink smelled on the paper and that the creases were still sharp from what Don could assumed its original origami shape, and that there was only a week deadline given, Don guessed that Leo must have received it the night before, during their training run. Leo had been visibly preoccupied after they returned to their designated spot, letting them cut out early, and then staying behind, appearing deep in thought. Donnie hadn’t thought much of it at the time besides general concern. He had been all too happy to return back to the warmth of their lair and continue working on one of his plethora of projects he was always working on. But now, everything clicked into place. This missive must have been what had put Leo off the night before, and the elder terrapin must have at least been thinking about accepting the challenge last night if he didn’t even bring it to the attention of the others. Now that almost a whole day has passed since he received the thing, and still no word to his family. Don was willing to bet that Leo was meditating on it right this minute, probably in the dojo, about the issue. That sick feeling that was starting to settle in his stomach told him what Leo would get out of this meditation session.

Don absolutely had no faith in the validity of Karai’s claim for peace. He knew well the argument of nature versus nurture, and he knew that how someone was born or raised couldn’t fully predict how they end up. He’s seen both studies and experienced firsthand both sides of the dispute and knew that it was a person’s choices, not who they are biologically or how they were raised, that decided their outcome. He’s seen perfectly sane and happy kids grow up to be monsters, as well as those who have been dealt a bad hand from the get go and turn out to be a pretty decent human being. Don understood that Karai was feed a pretty heavy dose of hate and revenge since the day the Utrom Shredder had adopted her, but she had always had the choice to follow her own path and not the one life had set her on, and she still chose to aid her father, despite knowing that he wanted to set the world to destruction. She still chose to attack and demolish their lair and ordered them all to be killed mercilessly.

Vengeance had eaten up the soul that was Oroku Karai, and thus was borne the Shredder renewed. Just like her predecessor, she would have stopped at nothing to finish them all off, no matter the cost. Honor and fairness goes out the window when one deals with the tempestuous mistress that revenge is. No doubt, Karai viewed Leo as the link to both her path to redemption and how to destroy his family once and for all, and she was probably right. Because Don had firsthand knowledge that the fall of one is the fall of them all.

Donatello still had nightmares of the world the Ultimate Drako had sent him. Very real, very vivid dreams of a world lost to darkness and his poor fallen brothers. All war-torn and bitterly broken at the loss of one of their brothers. They had one glorious moment of redemption and solidarity when Don had been slipped into that world, and it had been cut cruelly short when they died to save the world, saved the world with a plan made by _him_. His planned killed them, and even though he knew that those brothers wouldn’t have had it any other way, Don still couldn’t ever forgive himself for it.

It had been a glimpse at that world’s Karai that had solidified Don’s distrust in her. The image of her, in that apocalyptic future, surrounded by her Karai bots told him whose side she was really on. It hadn’t been the Shredder who killed his brothers, it was _her_. She had called it her duty, her honor. If honor and duty caused someone to cut down three of the greatest beings he’s ever know, he wanted nothing to do with either of them. It had broken his faith greatly that day. As a scientist, he knew he relied more on facts than on ideal ology and social constructs created by any type of society, but a person can only go so far believing in what they can see when they live the life he’s had. There are just some principles that cannot be seen with the naked eye. He had come back a changed turtle, one darker and more cynical than before. His brothers and father had worried about him, had inquired to this change in his personality, but he felt too ashamed, and too hurt, to confide even to them. He had been raised by one of the most honorable beings in the multiverse, and his brothers were all honor and duty bound turtles, and to tell them that he had lost faith in what they believed in, was shameful and wrong. So he eternalized it and buried it deep into the pits of his own soul. He knew he would probably pay the price of that later, but he honestly had no idea how to deal with it with the information he had accessible on hand. Perhaps later, when all the fighting and battles were done, he’d ask for forgiveness. Until then, he would bear that burden alone.

He didn’t doubt that if Leo took up this challenge, Karai would do anything in her power to take advantage of the situations she had created. There would be no mercy, no peace for any mutant in the Hamato Clan, nor anyone who associates themselves with them. She would be just as cruel and ruthless as she was when she first attacked their lair many months ago, as she had stuck down his brothers from another dimension. She fed Leo pretty lies, trusting his past fondness of her to gain the upper hand, and she would take his trust and his faith and strike him down with it. She would allow his brother to fall upon his own sword, and he would think she was doing him a favor.

It made Don’s blood boil, to know that someone had that sort of power over any of his brothers. That someone would take advantage of one of best qualities about his brother, his faith in others, and turn it against him and his loved ones. To have someone prey on those who still believed made Don sick to his stomach and filled with indignation. The Oroku clan had caused enough pain and destruction in his family’s life, they did not need or deserved more.

Don knew that his anger wasn’t solely directed at the she-demon. Oh, no, Donatello was plenty pissed off at his brother. Because he was 98.25% certain what Leo would decide to go along with it, to be willing to sacrifice himself to make sure that they lived and had a better future. And he was 99.99% that he would be doing by himself, because just much as he knew Leo, his brother knew them just as well. He knew that they would never allow him to do something as asinine as this, not without contingency plans and backup hiding in the shadows. He knew that Leo wouldn’t go along with the plan, his honor wouldn’t let him.

Don had stood in Leo’s darkened room, the offending letter still in his hands, debating how he was going to handle this. There were so many variables he needed to study and work over before he could even think about coming up with a solution, but he knew he couldn’t do that standing there, snooping in his brother’s room. So he had placed the letter back down on the table as he had found it, with the ninja star placed on top of it, and exited the room.

He had hoped to make a quick exit and get himself into his lab where he could decompress in private, but as turtle luck would have it, he ran into his immediate older brother upon exiting Leo’s room.

“Whoa!” Raph had exclaimed, grabbing onto Don’s shoulders to stop them from completely colliding and sending his brother’s slighter form back into the vacant room. “Watch where you’re going, genius.”

“Raph, sorry.” Don had peered at his brother owlishly, still trying to wrap his head around what he had discovered early. “Sorry.”

“What are you doin’ in Leo’s room?” the other turtle inquired, looking over his brother’s shoulder in the unlit room, causing Don to step out of Raph’s hold to close the door behind him and keep his brother’s own prying eyes from discovering what he himself had found out. He didn’t have the gumption to deal with Raph’s own special drama to this mix yet. He wanted a clear head before he passed the news of their brother’s suicide mission. Though, the likelihood of telling the rest of the family was diminishing with each second that he had retained the information that had been given (or taken). He knew a plan was starting form in the dark recesses of his mind, but he was still too pissed off to fully become aware of it.

“I was looking for him,” Don stated, and he heard the terseness seep unintentionally into his voice. He must have been angrier than he thought, because he was already feeling the normal detachment he felt when he was about to go off. So Don turned from his brother and started heading downstairs, as if he was going to continue his search, though in reality he just wanted to distance himself from the situations for just a minute, just a second, before he allowed his emotions to run amok.

“What for?”

Don blinked. His brother sure was nosy for someone who claimed not to care half the time. He searched his brain and was luckily enough to find one quickly. “One of the east-side camera’s he installed. It’s not giving me any video.”

“And you can’t just fix it?” Raph followed him down the stairs as Don started searching the lair, still trying to give the air of someone on a mission to find a wayward brother.

“Why, yes, I’ll add that to the long list of things I need to do around here.” Along with saving a brother from total destruction, Don had thought. That was going to be super, duper easy.  He knew that Raph could easily catch the sarcasm that dripped from his mini-rant because the red-masked turtle narrowed his eyes at him. He stopped following him for a moment as Don peered into the kitchen.

“Well, it’s just gonna have to wait,” the elder turtle said, his voice surprising calm despite the attitude his brother was giving him. Don looked at him, having noticed the composer that had started to settle in his normally temperamental brother as of late. He guessed it had something to do with Don’s transformation into that mindless beast, and he couldn’t help but appreciate the effort Raphael was putting into being there for him. “It’s garbage picking time.”

Don stopped short of his faux search. He had completely forgotten about their trash run to get car parts after the bombshell Leo had left sitting on his desk. Quite honestly, Don no longer wanted to have anything to deal with dumpster diving and car parts with this new mess on his hands. He just wanted to tell Raph to go by himself, that he was skilled enough in mechanics to know which parts they needed and if they were any good. Besides, his latest almost run in with the Foot made him a little testy about returning to the surface so soon, but Raph didn’t know about that. If Raph was going to stay ignorant of that, Don had to go along with the prearrangement and go pick up parts for the Battleshell and Shellcycle.

Maybe he could work out a little of his aggression by throwing broken beyond repair parts at a wall that he would deem worthy to be a substitute to Leo and Karai’s heads.

“Alright,” Don had given in, moving towards the garage. “Let’s get this over with.”

Surprisingly, Raph just followed without comment, letting Don take control of the whole situation. The trip and gathering of materials had been made in near silence, with only small comments on the state of the parts and if some of them were worth the haul back to the lair. Don had allowed Raph to take up most of the searching, with Don approving or rejecting things found if his brother was unsure. Raph had now become almost as much of an expert at mechanics as he was and it had involved a few inquiries. This enabled Don to free his mind and allowed him to stew on this new situation.

His anger was red hot and it left his insides boiling. The audacity of Karai to try and take them down in this manner, sneaky and traitorous. The foolishness of Leo, to always want to protect them, even at the expense of himself, especially at the expense of himself. The folly of always, always, looking for the best in others despite the good sense mutagen and experience had given him. Two of Leo’s best qualities are slowly turning against him and would likely be his downfall.

That thought threatened to take the wind out of his sails, to diminish his outrage because no matter how infuriating and frustrating it was to have a brother like Leo, who was so selfless and self-sacrificing, he loved him so very much. All of his faults, all of his quirks, he loved every part of his brother and Leo just wouldn’t be the turtle he was without all of it. But even so, Leo was just going to keep pushing his limits, keep taking his life in his own hands until he was stopped. Leo needed to be stopped. Someone needed to save his brother from himself. As Don watched one brother sort through a pile of trash to get the treasures they knew were hidden beneath, he knew it would be up to him to save another one.

The plan that had started to form in his head was tricky, and sneaky, and very, intrinsically stupid. It was a plan born from pain, and anger, and fear. It was the kind of plan that had Don would have usually shot down before it even became a gleam in his eye. It was a plan so thoughtless and irrational and Mikey-ish that it might work. He was just going to have to beat Leo to the punch, and get to Karai before he did. Alone.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my dears, I think I may need to explain something to you. It is my headcanon, and something that will be shown throughout this fic, is that Don has “some” insecurities in regards to his fighting skills. You know he’s an awesome ninja, I know he’s an awesome ninja, but it’s canon that Don’s not the most skilled fighter, and not necessarily due to lack of trying. So he has some issues in regards to his placement in a family full of ninjas and how he views his usefulness. I’ve written a story before that touches on this topic, Don’t Care (which is posted on my FF.N account under Shelly LeBlanc), and how Don feels like he needs to use his genius to be useful and to stand out against his brothers. He has a lot more confidence in his abilities with engineering than he does his fighting skills and it is heavily featured.
> 
> Also, I know you might not like this, but I’m taking another short hiatus for this fic. It’ll probably be the next chapter that is pushed back but DON’T WORRY! I HAVE VERY GOOD NEWS! I wrote a short prequel to this series, or an interlude, I guess. It deals with something along the lines I had above and how he handles his anger. It gives a real look into Don’s psyche and how he came to the decision he did with Karai. It will be posted instead of the chapter. So please forgive me for that. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song by The Fray.


	3. Chapter 2 - Just Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello continues his planning process, but realizes something startling about his older brother that both confuses him and enrages him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! Turns out I didn’t need to do a hiatus, bonus! I’ll just post both this chapter and the prequel/interlude thing at the same time, so look for it, it’s called The Perfect Son and it ties in with this chapter very well. In fact, there is a four paragraph synopsis of it in this chapter. The story was actually supposed to be a flash back in this chapter, but seeing as it’s over five thousand words long, it turned into its own story. Seriously, in my outline, I wrote “Don throws a small temper-tantrum.” Small. Small…not the huge mess of emotion it turned into and over 5k words. I just couldn’t stop writing it. That story will also be mentioned, one in a “blink or you’ll miss it” in chapter 5 and in greater detail in chapter 9. So if I’ve sold story enough, let’s get back to this chapter shall we? You’ll see more details here, but I will warn you, there are somethings about Donnie’s plans and preparations that won’t be revealed until the very end of the story. 
> 
> Beta’d by my lovely friend, Kamerer220, who is also a great writer. She has some stuff posted in the Hobbit section at AO3, if you are interested. Pretty is the latest thing she’s written.

Chapter 2 – Just Like You

-o-

“Imitation is not just the sincerest form of flattery - it's the sincerest form of learning.”   
― George Bernard Shaw

-o-

*Four days before*

Donatello was really good at making up battle tactics. He was a thinker and a planner. He liked to be prepared for any occasion, and sometimes even his backup plans had backup plans. He could spend hours upon hours coming up with scenarios that required him getting out of danger, or into danger, and to come out victorious. It was intricate work, because there were always various variables that he had to keep in mind when setting a plan forth. Some of the things were under his control, others woefully not. Sometimes, he even preferred the planning process of a project to the actual execution of it. Because it sometimes didn’t matter how well thought out the plan was, or how many different scenarios Don had been able to think of, there was always something that not even Don, with that big brain of his, could think of.

So when Don had decided that he was going to take out the Foot solo, he knew that it would be one of those plans that he couldn’t account for everything despite all the thinking and resources he had at his disposal and that he would probably have a better time planning this thing out than actually executing it.

No, actually, this was going to be a bitch to plan, too.

Don was not the kind of turtle who went off on his own. He was not like Leo and Raph, who could and did well when they ventured off by themselves. He was built for teamwork, to be able to rely on the others to watch his back while he fought or worked his intellectual magic. Just the mere thought of having to do this by himself sent chills down his spine and nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He could include his other brothers in this plan. He knew that at least Raph would jump all over the chance to not only kick some major Foot butt, but to teach their “fearless leader” a lesson in how not to go running off and getting oneself killed for the greater good. Mikey would join in only so he would get into the action and not be left behind. He wouldn’t be so quick to get himself and his family into trouble. Their younger brother was all for taking butts and kicking names when it was necessary, but he disliked discourse just as much as Donnie does. Splinter would understand the need to take out an immediate threat, especially one that was willing to as low as threatening his family and more than willing to use trickery to do so.

But Don had a few good reasons for not wanting his family’s aid in this endeavor. Maybe not the sanest reasons, but he thought they were good ones.

He knew that part of the plan was because of necessity, because there were too many variables to worry about if he included his other brothers in this plan. Raphael was a strong and extremely capable fighter, but there had always been that untamable aspect of his brother that made him an unknown variable himself. There was no one Don would rather have at his back in any fight, but he was afraid that that uncontrollable part to his brother would get him as easily killed as if he had done exactly what Leo was planning on doing. With Mikey, he just couldn’t bear to bring him into this. The things that Don was willing to do was dangerous, and soul tearing. Mikey was his baby brother, his companion for so many hijinks and pranks, the sharer of blankets and hugs when the nights had gotten too dark and scary, and the turtle who Don could run to when he needed cheering up. It was Don Mikey would run to when the monsters had bumped in the night, and he couldn’t in good conscious be the one that leads his baby brother _to_ the monsters. With, Splinter, well, he didn’t want him seeing how one of his sons was leading what is essentially a mutiny against his own brother.

Another part, Don knew and was not too proud of, was from spite. Because if Leo was going to do it solo, why couldn’t he? After how many months of Leo babying and protecting him, of warning him against over exerting himself and causing a relapse, of tell him to be careful because he didn’t want to lose him, Leo was going to ignore his own damn advice and walk straight into death’s open arms? He forgot, in his haste to protect them, that he was needed, also, that they couldn’t bear to lose _him_ either. That he was more than a leader to them, he was a brother, _their_ brother, and therefore he was one fourth of a collective whole. They could never be complete without him.

So Don thought that this would be the perfect lesson for his eldest brother, to have a brother he had so faithfully and persistently had tried to protect the past few months do exactly what he planned to do. And yes, he was well aware of hypocritical nature of this plan.

Passive aggressive, thy name is Hamato Donatello. 

There was one other reason, one much darker and perhaps more palpable than the others. He had great reluctance to join his family up for a mission he himself created because the last time he lead a team of brothers in destroying the head of the Foot Clan he had gotten them killed. They may have not been really his brothers, the ones he grew up with, shared stories, and spilt blood with, but essentially they were the same. They may have been bitter and more scarred than his versions, but they were still his kin. They were still his family and he had led them to their doom. It didn’t matter that they appeared to have been willing to die for his cause and the betterment of the entire world, Don was not about to allow that to happen again. He would not be the cause of his family’s death in this world as well as that one. He liked to push that reason in the back, however, and pulled the other two in the front. It was easier to hold onto anger and righteousness than it was the pain.

If Donnie was going to do this, both protect Leo from himself and them all from Karai and her Foot, he would need to find a way to do it. He didn’t want to just walk in and challenge Karai in a duel as a replacement for his brother. He knew he was heavily under skilled compared to the new Foot leader, and probably wouldn’t last fifteen minutes in a fair fight and he knew that there was no way this would be a fair fight. She had promised a solo battle, just the two of them. None of her Foot soldiers would be there and the victor of the match was promised to walk away unscathed by any who guarded her door. There was no way that Karai would allow herself to remain locked in a room with one of her more deadly enemies without some form of protection, even with a warrior as noble and honorable as his eldest brother.  So how was he going to penetrate her fortress and take them all out if he knew it was a trap?

A plethora of plans and ideas had run through his head, each more wild and inconceivable as the last before he finally was able to pick on so very fitting for the occasion. It involved explosives, hacking, and on or two paid off employees. In the end, it was Karai who had given him the idea. She had warned Leonardo that if any trickery were involved, the deal would be over and she would just kill Leo and go after his family. It was like an itch Don was dying to scratch, to try and defy all of the requests she had put forth into her challenge. She had been so adamant that it would be Leonardo she met with in battle, so Leonardo she would get.

Donatello would just have to enter Saki Enterprises as his older brother. A Trojan horse. A teenaged mutant ninja turtle disguised as an adolescent genetically altered Shinobi terrapin. This was both a very simple task to undertake and extremely difficult.

Of the four turtles, Don and Leo were the most similar to each other. They were both slighter than their more heavyset brothers, Raph with his fanatical weight training and Mikey, who was just naturally stocky. Their skin tones were alike, there were only few shades difference between Leo’s leaf green skin and Don’s own more olive one.  Even their voices were analogous, with Leo just a few decibels below his. All these differences were noticeable if standing side by side, but Don wouldn’t allow the Foot the luxury to compare them. He could easily slip Leo’s blue mask on his head and he could fool any of their enemies in the right circumstances.

Of course, there would be more to pretending to be Leo than just looking like him. Despite their visual similarities, they were still physically two different turtles. Leo had a confidence in himself that was clear in the way he presented himself, whether he was fighting battle, jumping across rooftops, or just standing there. This stance was created of years of practice, self-confidence, and being secure in the knowledge of his placement as the leader of their clan. It was not something that could be easily mimicked.

Don’s own confidence is quiet and understated. His shoulders were naturally hunched slightly due to many years bent over a computer or a work desk. He was quiet and reserved most of the time, not particularly wanting the attention of others on him if he could help it. He was comfortable enough in his own skin when it came to his strengths, but most of those were intellectual and not something he particularly liked to flaunt over his brothers. He’s heard the phrase “in English, please?” enough times to know that they sometimes didn’t appreciated being talked down to, even if it wasn’t intentional. He couldn’t gain the level of self-esteem that Leo had built up all of his life in a thousand lifetimes, much less in a week.

The biggest difference between the two that matters the most would be their fighting skills.

Leo was an immaculate ninja, a master swordsman, and a proficient hand–to-hand fighter. His skill set came from tutelage under two of the best ninjutsu masters in the multi-verse, years of dedicated practice, and an unquenchable thirst to be the best.  Leo made every move he’d make look graceful, as if it was the easiest thing in the world for him to do. He would never allow anyone see just how much effort it took to do it, or how much it would take out of him when he failed.

Don had firsthand knowledge of that.

When he had been around nine-years-old, he had had a bad bout with the flu that had left him out of commission for weeks. When he had returned to training, he was weeks behind his brothers and was sour for it. While he usually was more easygoing and forgiving of his brothers, the long illness and his own insecurities had just built up and caused him to become very jealous at Leo’s seemingly perfection in the dojo. Eventually, the anger and jealously had exploded in a spectacular fashion that had brought him into the tunnels and threw the biggest temper tantrum he had ever done in his life.

Splinter had found him, punching a wall with his bare hands and had stopped him from doing too much damage. He had comforted his screams of anger and brought him back in to address the wounds he had caused his hands. It had taken a while, but his finally got him to open up about his insecurities and his jealousy.

It had been then that Splinter had presented him the truth, by showing Donnie an unaware Leonardo practicing. He had spent years practicing next to Leo, but he had never seen him practice on his own. Leo had been methodical and steady, but it showed all the flaws that he hadn’t let known while in the company of his brothers. Splinter had then explained to him how Leonardo was actually more like him than he had realized, that Leo hadn’t been naturally gifted in ninjutsu, but he had the tenacity and dedication to practice and practice, one step at a time, to commit each move to muscle memory, so he could fight with his instincts rather than aforethought.

It would be very difficult to try and emulate his other brother, both in skill and in manor, but there are only so many years one can live with someone and still be ignorant of their habits and quirks. Donatello had spent almost fifteen years of his life with his only companions being his brothers, and there were not a lot of time in the two years since their introduction to the outside world that they remained apart for long. They were trained ninjas, taught at a young age to be masters of themselves and their environment.

And Donatello had always been a star pupil.

So Don had done what he does best, he studied his brother. Every moment that he made in the dojo that week was done under close supervision by the academically inclined turtle. It was easy, they were supposed to watch each other’s performance in hopes that they would learn from the other’s mistakes and triumphs. Outside the dojo, however, he avoided him like the plague. It had started out just as a distancing tool. Based on the Hawthorne effect, also known as the observer effect, the subject that is being scrutinized changes their behavior due to the fact that they know that they are being observed. Donatello feared that Leo’s behavior would change if he knew he was being watched, and thus not only would his results be disingenuous, but that Leo would want to know _why_. Don was a good enough liar, almost the best out of all of them, but he didn’t think he could hold back his anger at his brother if he was confronted about it.

Another reason popped up a couple of days after he had found the letter. Don had expected Leo to be in the dojo the rest of the week, preparing for his final battle with Karai. He had anticipated the post-Utrom Shredder, pre-Ancient One Leonardo to surface and go overboard in his training. Instead, as he was exiting the garage for some last minute repairs to the Battleshell (work stops for no turtle, even those on suicidal missions), he caught sight of all three of his brothers playing games. Nobody but Leo had noticed him at first, and tried to play the tired card to avoid eye contact with his brother. It wasn’t that hard, really, for he hadn’t truly slept since he found the note. He had been both so busy preparing things and too disturbed by the whole series of events to be able to sleep peacefully. Luckily for him he had years of experience of taking cat naps and had been so well rested the past few months of confinement to have stored up plenty of resources.

He tried to ignore his older brother as he went into the kitchen to make some more coffee, but Leo didn’t even appear to be hiding his blatant staring, so Don had raised his guard and returned the gaze.  Those onyx eyes were just as guarded as his own, true mirrors of each other. Leo was a master at hiding his true emotions, there would be no way for Don to be able to read his eldest brother as clearly as he wanted to. But as Don had stated before, he had years of practice.

There was tension in his body, there almost always was when it came to Leonardo. He took his responsibilities as leader and older brother very seriously and was always, _always_ on alert for trouble that would endanger his family. This tension, though, was surprisingly mixed with a form of relaxation and, was that, resignation? What was he resigned to? Playing video games with Mikey and Raph? Their ragging on him? Leo had the ability to defend himself verbally. They had all been on the receiving end of his arguments and lectures more times than they could count, but he was letting his brothers’ words wash all over him and he… was enjoying it?

It felt so out of touch with what Donatello knew. By all rights, Leo should be working his ass off getting prepared for his super-secret assembly with Karai, not sitting there playing video games and letting his brothers trash talk him. Regardless of the fact that Donatello planned on stopping him, he was kind of insulted that he was doing all this work getting prepared and Leo was acting like nothing unusual was going on. It was the kind of behavior he expected from Mikey, and on a rare occasion, Raphael, but Leo was the epitome of being prepared.

A nervous feeling started to worm its way into his stomach, sending warning signals to his brain. Before the thought could fully form in his mind, however, the beeping of his finished coffee had brought his attention back to the coffee machine, and all of his brothers’ attention on him. He filled his cup with the heavenly-blessed nectar of caffeine and took a sip as Raph and Mikey tried to talk him into playing games with him, but unlike _someone_ (who shall remain nameless, though his initials start with _Hamato_ and _Leonardo_ ), he had a lot to do. So he politely declined and headed back to the garage as his brothers started bickering again. He was stopped only by Leo’s warning about their patrol, which he waved off his acknowledgement and entered the garage.

He stopped just beyond the door, though, where he was still out of sight but was still close enough to listen to what was going on in the main room. He stomach was now in knots and he had a feeling he knew what was going on, but wanted to gather some more intel. Leo’s voice, when he reminded him about patrol, sounded reluctant, as if he had rather asked Don to join them than have him disappear into a lonely garage.  He could understand Leo, with the threat of Foot Clan and Karai’s ultimatum hanging over his head, would be unwilling for any of them to be by themselves, but the way Leo seemed more willing to play games rather than train did not sit well with Donatello, not at all.

So he stood there, listening to the laughter and commentary as they played the game, trying not let the age old resentment of being the odd turtle out (they did invite you, you idiot) color his thoughts as he tried to decode the mystery that had dropped in his lap. He had an inkling about what it was, but he was a scientist. He wanted to back up his assumptions with scientific facts. All he knew for certain was that he really, really didn’t want to be right.

It only took a few minutes of listening to hear something worth pursuing. Mikey had bragged to Raph after another spectacular victory how it reminded him of earlier that day when he totally beat Leo when they skated at their underground park. He then continued to talk about how many tricks he performed while Leo had tried to mimic some of his safer ones.

Don backed away from the door before he heard any more of the conversation and moved deeper into the garage where he left his laptop. His heart started pounding as he powered it up and started to access the video footage that had been recorded that day. He had set up several cameras all around the city, especially places where they frequent. The camera that had been placed at their underground skate park had been placed there years ago, but Don was still able to pick up feed from it. He had set all of their cameras to record for 72 hour period, just because of the sheer volume of video feed, in case they needed to look back on something they missed.

He quickly pulled up the feed from earlier that day and watched in fast forward of his brothers entering the area and then started skating. Don continued to view the footage, his stomach sinking ever lower. After about ten minutes of Donnie’s time, but was about a hundred and twenty in tape time, the two skaters stopped skating and took a break right in few of the camera. None of these cameras had audio, but Donatello was an expert lip reader, at least for his brothers.

He ‘listened’ to the touching words his brothers’ spoke to each other, feeling a little uneasy in observing such a private moment. These words were not meant for anyone other than each other, and as they progressed, Don finally knew why.

Leo was saying goodbye. These words his had just spoken to his youngest brother were ‘just in case I don’t come back, you know that I love you’ type words. The skateboarding and playing games, Leo was giving his brother last minute memories, something other than battles and fighting to recollect him by. He was doing this in case he didn’t come back, like he knew he wasn’t going to make it once he walked through those doors of Foot HQ. Instead of bettering his skills or learning some new ones that would insure his survival, Leo was trying to leave his mark on this world, supposedly one brother at a time.

Why was he saying goodbye? He understood contingency plans, he was the _king_ of contingency plans. He could understand wanting to tell one’s loved ones a heartfelt farewell before going into battle, but to completely forgo training to spend the last precious moments they have on playing games and skating with the little bro when they could be doing everything in their power to come back home and make better memories, longer memories. Skipping practice to say goodbye sounded a lot like Leo knew exactly what the outcome of that battle was going to be.

It sounded like Hamato Leonardo was just giving up.

Donatello saw red. To him, nothing says ‘I’m giving up’ as performing some strange bucket list of goodbyes. Leo was meticulous, cautious, and a perfectionist, but not a quitter. He was overbearing, arrogant, and generous, but not a quitter.  He was a foolish brat, a self-sacrificing piece of shit, and a general pain in his ass.

But not. A. Quitter.

It had taken everything in Don’s power to not march into the living room and give his ‘dear’ older brother a what for. He wanted to lay into him so hard his grandkids would be coming out knowing how stupid, idiotic, and freaking stubborn their suicidal grandfather was. He wanted to shout it out on the rooftops that ‘Hamato Leonardo was a douche-face who’s amazingly lack of will-to-live was so astounding that he was surprised that he lived long enough to reach seventeen.’ He wanted to… cry.

Because there was still a part of Don who thought that Leo would change his mind, and that he would stop this crazy scheme and either tell them what Karai was up to, or tell the Wicked Witch where she could shove her offer. That whatever wrath she felt she needed to bring upon their heads, they would face it together.

Because he was terrified. He didn’t want to do what he feels is his duty. He wanted to take up neither Leo’s swords, nor his mantel as leader. He didn’t want to walk into Foot Headquarters as some crazy Trojan horse and destroy, single-handedly, the very group of people that had been gunning for his family since almost their entire existence. He didn’t want this job, he wanted to be the crazy and unassuming IT geek who they went to for problems involving the lighting and electronics, and he didn’t want the weight of his family’s very existence to be resting on his shoulders. He didn’t want Leo to think he was just going to walk himself up to Karai and let her kill him because he thought that was what he thought his job was for. To die for his family.

Don wanted Leo to save him as much as he wanted to save Leo.

They were a team. They were better together rather than apart and to have to make a decision as a singular turtle rather than as a collective wasn’t something Don did regularly. Inventing things in secret and surprising his family with them didn’t count. Those were only beneficial, and rarely ever affected the group dynamic. Not like this. Of course, Don could always be the one who breaks and let the whole thing come out. He could easily stop this mess…

But what would happen next time? What if Karai, or one of their many other enemies decides they will cash in on Leo’s need to protect his family single-handedly? What had been one of Leo’s greatest strengths was turning into a fatal flaw. Leo needed to learn that the world did not rest upon his shoulders, and that his brothers were more than willing to take up some of the responsibilities. If Donatello had to be the one to teach him that lesson personably, it was a price he was willing to make.

It didn’t mean he had to like it. Nor did it mean he wasn’t still going to hope that Leo would change his mind. If Leo was riding on the fact that he was going to say goodbye to each and every one of them, then Don was going to hinder that processes to the best of his ability. Which meant a lot of lying, misdirection, and hiding. Lots and lots of hiding, because part of him believed, like a child who knew that Santa wasn’t real but still waited up to catch a glimpse of him, that if Leo doesn’t say goodbye to him, he wouldn’t leave. So Don wasn’t going to give him the chance.

Not easily, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a particularly difficult chapter to write, because I tried to keep Donnie in character. I so very much love talking about Donnie from other people’s points of view, but writing about him talking about himself? Very difficult, but then again, I find that very Donnie. He’s not going to be the kind of turtle who will toot his own horn, not without some level of blushing. I mean, he’s brag about something he’s made or a great thing he was able to do, but that’s just extensions of him, not of him himself, ya know? Despite how easily he came up with this plan and how quick he was in executing it, it was not an easy decision to make.
> 
> Also, I would like to address something. I’m extremely disappointed on how the show dealt with the aftereffects of SAINW, as in, they never did. So this is my “cure” for it. Nobody could have come away from that scenario without some form of PTSD and as you probably saw a little bit in Promises Made and the boatload of instances in this novel, Don still has some serious issues with what happened to him in that alternate dimension. As you read in this chapter, it was part of the reason why Don decided to do this solo when he could have easily asked his other two brothers to join in. My poor Donnie boy, I don’t make things easy for him. 
> 
> Chapter title is from the song by Three Days Grace.


	4. Chapter 3 - More Than Useless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie makes his final preparation before the final battle, all while contemplating the reasoning behind his plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are amazing. Truly, you are! I melt into a puddle with every review and fav and follow. I can spend hours and plenty of writing space telling you guys how wonderful you are, but I think you’d guys rather have another chapter, so here it is. We speed up the timeline and are now right after Don leaves he lair after drugging Leo. There is some more Donnie introspect, but I felt it was warranted. Besides, the next chapter is very meaty with action and confrontation. So, enjoy!
> 
> Beta’d by Kamerer220, who’s a doll!

Chapter 3 – More Than Useless

-o-

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  
\- Albert Einstein

-o-

*Present Day*

The chill factor was around 35 degrees Fahrenheit by the time Donatello drove the Shellcycle up to the high-end apartment building that was across the street from Foot HQ. He rode around the block twice, making sure that he had no stragglers before moving up to the underground parking garage. He punched in the access code he had gotten earlier was quickly allowed entrance. He had already set up the security cameras to play on a loop for the next twelve hours so he was essentially invisible at the moment. 

He drove the bike up to an outside storage closet close to the elevators, picked the lock and parked the bike in the closet, which had plenty enough room for him to hide the gift he had built for Raph. He patted the seat of it, remembering the time and effort he had spent making the motorbike, after so many years of his brother’s lamenting and unsubtle hints. Raph had been ecstatic the day he received it, and Don could only hope that he would be able to have it returned to its owner. 

His hand seized slightly on the seat, tightening up at the thought of its owner. He hadn’t gone Leo’s route and went around saying goodbye. He had had too many things to do, and the thought of looking at Raphael, or any of his brothers or their father, as if it were the last time he would see them made him ache deeply. He knew he wouldn’t have been able to go through his plan, because he would have either backed out of it or would have confessed everything to them and make them promise to never leave his sight again. It had taken a lot of strength to finally walk away from the bike and locked the door to the storage room without looking back at it. Now that he was separated from his getaway vehicle, cutting himself off from another way to run from this, he was able to go about setting the rest of his plan into action.

He walked the perimeter of the Saki building, checking to make sure that everything he had set up earlier that week were still there and still operational. He also wanted to check to make sure that the extra security Karai had set up was still the same. It took thirty minutes to go around to check and recheck everything, but after the third time around, he knew he couldn’t stall any longer. The deadline that Karai had set for Leo was close, and he didn’t want to give Leo the reputation as the kind of turtle who was tardy to the party. 

Don could feel his palms start to sweat as he made his way back down to street level. His arms and legs were starting to feel like jelly and his heart was pounding out a heavy crescendo. He stayed in the shadows as he tried to calm his nerves. There was no way this will work if he didn’t seem as calm and collected as he should. It would give him away immediately and he needed to let this to play out if he had any hope of surviving the night. Oh, shell. He was so stupid. This has to be the stupidest thing he has ever done and despite his genius reputation, he’s done pretty stupid things. He was a teenager, after all, and they were always lacking in certain common sense department until they were old enough to realize their mistakes.  Sadly, Donnie feared that he wouldn’t live long enough to get to the point where he would stop doing stupid things.

Because this was really, really stupid. 

Was he really going to walk into Foot HQ, masquerade as his older brother, and take on the entire Foot clan?

He was starting to doubt this entire thing. Not the plan. His calculations were as flawless as ever, he knew them better than he knew himself. He had been meticulous in its execution. Everything is exactly as he had planned in, and considering his margin of error rested on the predictability of Karai, he still felt really good about this plan.

He was doubting his reasons. 

Was being pissed off at a brother reason enough to do something as stupid as walking into Karai’s web on a seemingly suicidal mission. 

Oh, he knew that this was not the only reason. It wasn’t even the main reason, but right now, it felt like a heavy weight on his shoulders, bringing home the realization of the stupidity he was about to embark on. This was definitely something atypical of him, to allow even a smidgen of anger to be a catalyst to his actions. 

He easily could see Raph doing this, running off and taking Leo’s place in this deal just to piss “Fearless” off. To a lesser extent, he could see Mikey doing this, taking up the role as leader as a game, a self-dare, just to see if he could do it. Don knew it was slightly unfair to think like that. Both of their reasons would be very similar to his own: protecting Leo, protecting family, anger at multiple parties for the part they felt they had to play. Don just didn’t so stuff like this, usually. Sure, he’s gone on a few excursions by himself when he felt they were warranted, but ultimately, he was a team player, someone who waited until the collective was okay with something before venturing off to do something, usually with a brother or trusted friend. Solo excursions were not his forte, along with suicidal missions. He’d much rather have the company of others than having to face something by himself. 

Probably the real crux of it all, Don would probably had more faith in either one of his warm-masked brothers doing this than him. Both were by far superior in their ninja skills, and would be more believable as the seemingly perfect Leonardo than him. He was well aware of his inferior skills in fighting. He was a great ninja, but that was only because of so many years of training and his own determination to not be a burden to his family. No matter how hard he tries, no matter how much patience his sensei would show him, no matter how his brothers tried to motivate him, he was never going to be the perfect ninja. He’s not even sure why he even wants to.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. Don knew exactly why he wanted to be a better ninja, and it had nothing to do with protecting his family, like Leo. Or a way to channel his anger into something productive, like Raph. Or just because he was naturally gifted at it, like Mikey. The main purpose for Don to try so hard to do something that he was inherently bad was simple: he wanted to please his father. 

He knew that Raph often feels like the black sheep of the family, but Don knew that his hot-tempered brother was more in tune with their family’s dynamics than he was. Donatello was a freak among freaks. They trained and fought for the survival of their genetically altered species, and Don was predisposition to back away from a fight rather than engage. He saw the look of disappointment in his master’s eyes when he admits defeat too quickly during a sparring match rather push his advantages. He sees his father’s confusion when he talks to him about his projects. Don feels his unworthiness seep through his pores every second he is in the dojo, camouflaged as sweat. Donatello knew he was the least understood of his brothers, and perhaps that was why he tried so hard in matters not pertaining to ninjutsu. Why he has made so many appliances and inventions to aid his family’s comfort, since he could not be an equal in the team. 

Don’s niche as the family mechanic, doctor, and go-to guy for all around knowledge hadn’t come easy. When they had just started out as mutated beings with intelligence, Splinter had no knowledge of what it was to be a father and raise four increasingly intelligent children. They were taught how to tumble before they were taught their letters, to perform a kata before learning their numbers. These things came so much easier to the other three, but Don never had the natural coordination to perform the moves the others were able to do so precise. He listened to every word their father had said, understood every move and memorized their placements, but he couldn’t get his undersized body to cooperate with what his mind was telling him. Even Leo, who was just barely bigger than he was, had gotten the moves eventually, after lots of practice, but Don just never could get them down perfect before their father finally gave up and allowed them to move on to the next movement or pose, leaving Don struggling to keep up. 

Early on, having not understood the family dynamic just yet, Don had been afraid he was going to be abandoned, an instinctive thought that was brought with them from their early days of just being a turtle. He was the least productive of his brothers, and he feared that Splinter would soon realize that he was of no use to him as a ninja-wanna-be and would want to be rid of him. 

By that time Splinter had finally realized that the information he himself had gained from living with humans for almost all of his life, such as the ability to read easily after recognizing the characters in the books Hamato Yoshi and Tang Shen had around and the ability to count up, was not something that came naturally through mutation. So he started to teach the basics to his young sons, and was Donatello dying of thirst for knowledge. Splinter’s early academic teachings were just droplets to the desirous young mind of Donatello. Despite what his brothers may say, Don was not born with all the knowledge seared into his cranium, he had to be taught just like almost every other being in the universe. Without the proper tools and resources, Don was left to wither. 

There was no way for Donatello to convey that he needed something else to occupy his fast paced and depleted mind, not having the knowledge to even think to do so, so he tried to find other outlets to fill his unoccupied mind. That was when he started to get into trouble. First it was the toaster, a rare find indeed that gave his family their first hot food. It was dismantled completely after Donatello was left unattended for five minutes. Then it was the alarm clock, then the radio, and the list went on and on. Whatever Splinter had been lucky enough to find in working order, Donatello had torn it down to its skeletal form to find out how it came to be. Most of the time, because of the surprising meticulous nature Don seemed to have, the pieces were able to be put back together (though it took almost five times as long to rebuild than it was for Donnie to tear down because Donatello was usually punished immediately and not allowed to help speed up the process.) It didn’t matter how many times Splinter would fuss and punish, whether it was a slap on the bum or back flips that Don hadn’t even mastered yet, Don would continue the pattern over and over again, the tearing things apart to find out how they did it. 

There were only so many times one could see the insides of a toaster before they were clued in that there was something missing in the equation. When Splinter finally realized what Don had been trying to tell him, but hadn’t the data or the abilities to put them into the right words, and that he needed something other than letters and numbers to learn, Splinter quickly and efficiently came up with a solution. 

The very next trip to the surface, when he brought down simple reading books to three of his sons, for his smallest and despondent son, he brought a beat up encyclopedia. It was wordy and thick, something Splinter was sure was way too advance for a four-year-old. He wanted to test his theory, though, and Donatello had been the only son to speed through his reading exercises with relative ease and could count almost higher than he could. He was soon rewarded with a delighted child and a sudden lack of dismantled appliances. 

Donatello had gobbled the information up, and set it to memory. What was even more impressive, instead of hoarding the information to himself, unlike some of his other brothers who would gain a new toy and be insistent they keep the treasured item to themselves, he was more than willing to spread the wealth. He followed each of his family members around sprouting out information that nobody had asked for and within the first week, everyone had received information overload and would try to distance themselves or pass off their loquacious brother off to someone else. Even after all that, though, Don still yearned for more. He finished the encyclopedia within the month and started eyeing the electronics again, before Splinter had gotten the aforethought to continue to bring in more books on learning and then eventually broken and seemingly irreparable objects for his son to tinker with. 

That was when the miracles started to happen. Don, who was now learning new things left and right from the wonderful books his father was bringing him, discovered he had a natural gift when it came to mechanics. His fingers, which couldn’t hold him up during a difficult kata involving a headstand, could deftly maneuver through tiny wires and bolts to find the kinked up circuitry of the tiny gameboy, or easily rewire the stereo. Whether it was instinctual or something that he had gained as he learned to expand his mind, Don had been able to make the broken machines work. If he didn’t have the right materials to work with, he learned to make do with replacement and improvised parts. Sometimes the items were basically useless, like the hair dryer (none of his brothers had hair and Splinter claimed he preferred to air dry) but others, like the heater and the microwave turned out to be extremely useful. 

Once he realized how much his little quirk with machinery helped his family and the positive reaction each new appliance, Don finally realized the role he was meant to fill for this family. So he continued to expand his knowledge, to fix up broken things, and invent new things from scrap. When they were finally forced to move to a new place because of the growing rate of the four turtles, it was Donnie that had aided his father in the repair work and building of new materials. It had been great to be his father’s go to turtle for once, his new found expertise was needed in almost every aspect of getting the new lair livable for four cold-blooded turtles and one scrawny rat. Once that was done, his brothers started coming to him to fix broken toys and objects, or to gain insight they lacked. He was by no means an expert in everything, nor could the knowledge just be plucked from the air to give an answer to any questions (“Seriously, Mikey, how the heck am I supposed to know if turtles could fly if they had feathers?”), he had the ability and now the resources, thanks to their father’s find, to look for the answers himself. At that young age, he had thought he had found a way for his family to love him.

Logically, now, he knew that his family would have loved him even without his knowledge and expertise. That they loved him regardless of him being less of a ninja then they were. They had just spent months trying to keep him from overworking himself, taking up the blunt of the repair work in the new lair and kept him out of the dojo for his own safety. But during his low spots, when his brothers would bring him broken object after broken object, or when Splinter would try to teach him another move he knew he wouldn’t master, he wondered if they would love him less if he told them ‘no?’  

Was taking up Leo’s role in this game Karai was trying to play his way of trying to prove to his family that he could be just as much of a ninja as they were, that he belonged to this family? Maybe. Again, not the main reason for him to do something so ill-advised, but just like his righteous anger at Leo’s inability to control his “saving-people thing” and his fear for his family’s safety, it was still a major factor. All of this was still not a good enough reason to kill himself in this foolhardy mission, but it was too late to back down now. Everything was set, his marks were in place, Leo… Don’s breath hitched slightly, Leo was drugged into submission back in the dojo, and the rest of his family and friends were left in the dark at a safe distance. 

It felt like a bad omen to have left his eldest brother unconscious, surrounded by his meditation candles, before coming here. By the time Leo would awaken, everything would have occurred and he should be on his way home. But…

If things don’t go to plan, if his calculations were off even by a tenth of a point, or he is struck down before he could finish, he didn’t want to rely on his older brother having enough of a clear mind to know what to do if he didn’t return. 

Don took out his shellcell and looked up a number. It was a last minute plan, born from the need to make  _ absolutely sure _ that he had everything covered. He found the contact quickly, and fingered the number, slightly unsure about not only the message he was about to send, but also who he chose. There was not a single person on his contact list that he did not trust with a message such as this, but not just anyone could handle the ‘just in case’ message he was about to send. This person, he thought of highly, and as unfair it was of him to call upon their ability to handle the pressure he was about to put upon their head. Don was essentially trusting this individual with his family’s life and peace of mind, and there was no one else he thought he would want to comfort him in his time of misery. 

So, after a few moments to program the message to record, Don toggled the button and pressed record.

“April? It’s Donnie…if you are getting this message…”

Donatello had to stop and start several times, erasing and rerecording almost the entire message three times before he could complete the message without his throat closing up on him or breaking down. The fourth time was erased because of the shakiness that was evident in his voice. He didn’t want to hurt his friend any more than he was already going to, if she listened to this message. His fifth and final time was the charm. He sounded brave and repentant, except for a catch here or there, but Don didn’t think he could try to record it one more time. He would have probably turned around and high tailed it out of there if he had to say goodbye a sixth time. 

He set up the message to be sent to April’s shellcell in three hours. That would give him time to stop the message if, no, when, his mission was complete and he walked away from this crazy mess in one piece. After the message was set up to be sent, he turned off his own shellcell, disabling the GPS system he had installed on it. He was sure that nobody was missing him right now. Leo was still out and Raph and Mikey had been watching some college football when he left. Splinter had retired for the night before he even started to make Leo’s drugged tea, and he was sure April and Casey were on a date. There was nobody trying to gain his attention right now, aside from the Foot, and he anticipated it to stay that way until Leo woke up. However, that won’t be for another few hours. Either way, he still didn’t want his family to start to inquire about his whereabouts or try to track him down when he didn’t answer. Besides, with the mess he was probably about to make, he wanted to try to minimize the amount of electronic disturbance. 

He tucked the shellcell into Leo’s belt, next to his own throwing stars and other goodies he decided he needed for this little rendezvous with Karai. He rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. He closed his eyes and tried to visualize, just like Splinter had taught them, and picture his brother Leo. He imagined his stance, his poise, his self-control, and confidence and tried to emulate that to the best of his abilities.  After a few moments, he could feel his shoulders squaring out, his chest inflating, his back straightening and a feeling of importance start to settle into his limbs. He kept his visual of Leonardo in his head as he opened his eyes and emerged from the shadows. 

A confident and no-nonsense mutant turtled walked to the front doors of Saki Enterprises and opened the door. Inside, the lobby was clearer, the receptionist’s desk was vacant. It was only him and the Japanese painted ferns that lined the space. The blue-masked turtle only had to step into the lobby fully, allowing the door to close behind him, to draw out the four Foot soldiers that he had sensed hiding in the shadows. The four of them brought their weapons, ready to attack if he did, but he just merely stared at them.

Don spoke, his voice lowered in an almost perfect imitation of his more intimidating older brother. “I have an appointment with Oroku Karai.”

The ninjas stared at him for a moment longer before one of them motioned to the elevator. Without looking at them, the presumed ‘Leonardo’ walked confidently to the elevator, which opened as he neared. He entered it with only a moment’s hesitation, and turned facing the front. The four Foot ninjas entered after him, surrounding him, and then the elevators closed, locking them all together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaaaaaat? We’re almost there y’all!
> 
> A note about this chapter: I know that Splinter is a great father to our turtle boys, but let’s remember, he was a rat to start with (at least in this version). It’s hard trying to raise four kids all by yourself, especially when you have absolutely zero experience in it. It’s even more difficult to raise a child like Donnie, who no doubt was very precocious and most definitely a little difficult to raise, especially since he had a different mindset than his brothers. All of them are unique in their own way, but I’ve heard stories and did some research on how to raise a genius child, and it can be daunting, even if you know what to expect. Splinter couldn’t automatically assume Donnie’s abilities were any different than from his brothers if he had no clue how to look at them. So that is my headcanon, that Splinter had a difficult time trying to discipline a child who thought on a different plane than you. And with the way Don is as a teenager, that little sassy minx, you know he now takes advantage of it. 
> 
> Chapter title is from the song by Reliant K.


	5. Chapter 4 - This Is War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello finally confronts Karai, and shows that he has more than Leo's mask up his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, ha! We finally get to the confrontation! We finally see Donnie in action and see how his plan worked. Well, most of his plan.
> 
> Um, I have the feeling that some of you may not like me after this chapter…
> 
> Beta’d by the wonderful Kamerer220.

Chapter 4 – This Is War

-o-

“Those of us who are most genuinely repelled by war and violence are also those who are most likely to decide that some things, after all, are worth fighting for.”   
― Christopher Hitchens

-o-

One could hear a pin drop in the elevator. There was no cheesy or calming music to fill the enclosed space, only the nervous breathing from the four Foot ninjas that were escorting Donatello to what he presumed was the top of the tower. They were tense and jumpy, as if they were expecting him to attack them out of the blue. It was a heady experience, to know that his mere presences instilled enough fear into the hearts of these seasoned warriors that they were practically quaking in their boots. He could tell that these were no novices, the materials for their uniforms were expensive and the styling showed that they are one of the higher level ninjas.

Don’s own breathing was so calm and so even that he surprised himself. The nerves were there, for sure, but he never allowed them to make themselves known. It felt exactly like when he was in doctor mode, and one of his brothers were critically injured, he’s able to put himself in a state where his anxieties about harming his brother further were stilled and he was able to perform normally scary tasks without emotions.

It helped that he kept Splinter’s teachings running through his mind.

_“A true ninja,” Splinter told his sons as they knelt before him. Don’s palms were sweaty with anticipation, and his head cocked as he tried to memorize every word his master told him. “Is a master of all things. A master of his environment.”_

_As Don felt his father’s gaze look directly at him, and the young turtle felt as if Sensei was looking directly into his soul._

_“And a master of himself.”_

He kept those words replaying over and over in his head, keeping his uneasiness hidden while appearing calm and collected. It was great advice, something soothing, like a bedtime story he’s heard over and over again that helped drive the nightmares and monsters away.

He wasn’t really trying to be a master of himself, now was he? He wasn’t ‘Donnie’ while he was in that elevator, awaiting a meeting with a fearsome foe. He was ‘Leonardo,’ the leader of the Hamato Clan and chosen rival to one Oroku Karai. He had to be the master of someone else.

So Don looked in himself, and reveled in the similarities he shared with his brother, their shared calm and level-headedness, their ability to think of the big picture rather than the minute details, their selflessness when it came to their family, and drew inspiration from them. Then he moved onward to the traits he had most admired about his brother: his honor, his sense of duty, his ability to always give comfort even in the darkest of times, and his love for his family. Don allowed those qualities to seep into his skin, cocooning himself in them. And lastly, the parts of Leo that infuriated him and the rest of his brothers, but where no less a part of him. His arrogance, his inability to just let things slide, his perfectionism, and his apparent constant death wish, he let those thoughts fill his mind and tried to embrace those characteristics into himself. He was ninja. He was one with himself. He was one with his brother.

He let out a breath silently. He _was_ Leonardo.

Finally, after many tense moments, the elevator came to a stop and the doors pinged open. As he had anticipated, they were in the throne room. This hadn’t been true in the past, when he had looked up the schematics to this building when the Utrom Shredder had been in power. One would have had to stop on another floor and grab another elevator to the palace part of the tower. When Karai had taken control of her father’s company, she immediately made changes, though the elevator situation had been relatively the same. Then suddenly, a few months ago, she decided to completely overhaul the system, making only one elevator shaft available to the top of the tower from the lobby. Don had tried to figure out the reason for the repairs, but the news sources and police reports were severely lacking with information (money had to have exchanged hands, no doubt.) He had been lucky enough to get the plans when he did, because they had beefed up their security, too. He set that out of his mind as he was lead out of the elevator and was greeted with a whole fleet of Foot soldiers.

There was no surprise for him to hide. Don had thought her promise of a one-on-one battle had been a lie, and he was actually glad to see that she didn’t disappoint. An audience to this trick meant the odds of her wanting to draw it out for humiliation purposes. Don had no use for pride. He was a mutated turtle that grew up with three brothers, whose sole purpose, it seemed, was to embarrass him in one form or another. A few hundred Foot Clan ninjas laughing at him? A walk in the park compared to what his brothers have put him through. Plus, it increased the odds of his survival. The longer it took for Karai to realize he wasn’t the turtle she requested, the longer he had to make sure everything was in place. Bonus.

The room was surprisingly darker than he had anticipated, with fire lamps being the only source of light. Perhaps Karai had thought that the lack of light was to her advantage, that his animal eyes were somehow inferior to her fully human ones. She was a ninja, taught by a highly skilled master, and she was used to working in the dark, but turtles had excellent night vision, having lived in murky and dark waters. The mutation had only enhanced what they had naturally. Besides, she may have adopted the dark as her friend, he was born in it. Forced into the dark and dank sewers, to hide from humanity who would not understand the uniqueness that they were. He and his brothers were one with the darkness, as close as lovers, and it only enhanced their other fine-tuned senses.

Besides, the darkness only boosted his disguise. It would be nearly impossible now to tell visually that he was not Leonardo. Double bonus.

Donatello allowed the four ninjas to continue to escort him to the center of the throne room, where he heard rather than saw the surrounding soldiers close in, efficiently blocking him off from every possible exit. Good. He didn’t want to have that temptation in his face.

He was finally brought closer to the more open area, where there was more light, but the warm glow of the fire lamps still aided in masking his skin tone further. He looked up at the throne, where there sat Karai, in her full Shredder garb. He couldn’t control the shiver that went up his spine, though he was sure it wasn’t noticeable. The last time he had seen her face to face was when she emerged from the dust of their demolished home to kill them. She had taken away the security of his home. He vowed to do the same for her.

“Leonardo,” she said as he came to a stop still ten yards from her. Her Japanese accent sounded mechanical behind the Shredder mask, and knew she had done it so she could sound more intimidating. He had to admit, it was working. “I see you have upheld your end of the bargain.”

“And I see you haven’t.” Don had wanted to stay as silent as long as possible in front of her, but knew that her greeting had meant to elicit a response from him and he knew that Leonardo would have complied. He kept his voice low, forcing her to have to really listen to hear him. The less people that heard him, the better.

“They are merely here to observe. They will not interfere, I assure you.” She still didn’t get up from the throne. Her mask still firmly in place, and Don had no doubt that it would stay in place until she was ready to deliver the final blow. “They have an invested interest in the outcome of our duel, after all.”

Don narrowed his eyes, feeling the spirit of his brother start to fully take control. “Then let’s get this over with.” Don drew one of the katanas out of the scabbard on his back, still not completely at home with the extra weight it gave him, but it did aid in helping him feel like Leo. It reminded him of the burden that Leo would refuse to be allowed lifted from his shoulder. He kept the sword at the ready, but did not get into a battle stance just yet. He knew despite his bravado, Karai wouldn’t want to start just yet.

Karai finally stood up and started towards him. He didn’t allow any of his muscles to move, though they threatened to jump at her increasing closeness. She did eventually stop, and was just out of katana range. Clearly she was smart enough to not get into his personal space while he had a weapon out.

“Why in such a rush, Leonardo?” Karai asked, and Don was sure he heard a purr in the metallic voice. She was actually enjoying this. It wasn’t just a duty to her. She was the cat to his mouse and wanted to play with her food before she devoured him.

“I want this done with,” ‘Leonardo’ said, his voice cool and with almost no infliction. His eyes on Shredder, but made sure that there weren’t staring directly into her eyes. “I want to get back to my family.”

That comment had dual meanings. It was meant to show his confidence in his skills and to kick start the rant he was sure Karai had had building up since they had thwarted her attempts on their lives. As usually, Karai proved to be as predictable as he thought she was.

“Your family?” the mechanical voice inquired, disbelief evident in the tone. “Your family consist of four pet shop turtles and an old rat. Your family destroyed _my_ family. I asked for leniency, I asked for a chance, and you and your _family_ ,” the last part was said with such disdain, it chilled his insides. “Allowed for my father to be captured by the scum that is the Utrom and imprisoned him!”

She started circling him, still keeping a respectable distance between the two of them. Instead of following her with his eyes and head, he kept staring straight ahead, letting her voice and her echoing footsteps indicate where she was.

“Your family lacked the honor and dignity to be a true ninja clan, and yet you still persist to call yourselves both honorable and ninja. You hide yourselves in a sewer, a place where the filth of humanity resides in and your rat father dares to lecture…”

Don allowed her words to flow over him, listening to the words but only paying attention to the intent behind them. They were meant to rile him up, to make him lose focus on what was really going on. He could feel the imminent threat of battle draw ever nearer and he tried to ready himself.

His fight-or-flight instincts were now in overdrive, he could feel his nerves tingling from anticipation. He was as prepared as he ever could be. He had spent all week training up to this moment along with all the plans and schemes he had set up. He stole Leo’s extra pair of katanas from the dojo and squirreled them away into his lab, where he had pushed back almost all of his inventions to create the extra space to practice in solitude. He observed his brother closely during practice, setting his fighting style to memory. It had been easy, really, to memorize all of Leo’s movements and quirks when he battles. Don had an eidetic memory, something that he drew on not only out of the dojo with his inventing and fixing, but was one of his main abilities when fighting. He’s memorized every move his father has taught him. While he has difficulty getting his body to follow his mental commands, it allowed him to be able to defend better if he could accurately guess which move his opponent were about to make if they projected it clear enough. He had years and years of watching all of his brothers and father during a fight, it wasn’t hard single Leo’s movements out and focus on them, drawing inspiration from them. The most difficult part was trying to mold his body to fit it, but he knew he had a few good moves in him to keep these charade up long enough.

It was going to be soon, too. It had to be soon, because…

“…and catch you and your brothers red-handed after you broke in here to steal that amulet, it showed me who you truly were: dishonorable thieves! You could not even stay long enough to face me when I demanded it!”

…she was just about to throw him for a loop.

It took all of his willpower to not react to this bit of new information. What amulet? He was never involved of any plot to steal an amulet, much less executed one. For a moment, Don thought she was lying, or blaming his family for something that someone else had pulled off. This supposed theft was probably the catalyst in the change of security measures, and quite possibly the real reason for her to request this meeting.

As much as he would have liked to brush this off, because in reality, it meant nothing now. Karai has proven that she was willing to lie about anything to gain the attention of his brother one way or another and a false accusation would certainly fit the bill. The anger in Karai’s voice was real, he could tell, and she had claimed to have confronted him about it. There was no way that this was a false trick, and that meant that his brothers had broken into Foot Headquarters and stolen this amulet. When had they done that? He didn’t remember…

It hit him then. The new security measures and repair work coincided with his mutation. He had thought it was odd at the time, but figured it had nothing to do with them since he knew his brothers had been preoccupied in finding him a cure. He had been suspicious that they were leaving out the details of his eventual rescue from the Outbreak, but when it had first been brought up he was still too weak to question his family properly, and by the time he finally gained the strength, the topic had seemed too painful for his family, and he hadn’t been the one to bring up such bad memories. It had been enough for him that they went through the trouble of actually working with Bishop to get him well again, he wasn’t sure exactly if he even wanted to know how far his family was willing to go for him.

Now he knew. It was obvious now what payment Bishop had demanded of his family in exchange for a cure. He still didn’t know what the amulet was for, nor what in the world the government agent needed it for, but now it didn’t matter. None of it matters, not any more.

This changes nothing, not a thing. This thing, this lifelong feud was still going to end. Tonight.

“Why did you steal it from me, thief?” Karai finally asked, she coming around to the front of him again for perhaps the third time.

“I had need of it.” Don kept his words short and succinct. He didn’t dare give her any more information, because one, now he was just dealing with guesses as to why his brothers had to break into this facility even though they were probably right, and two, he didn’t want to fall into the trap of revealing too much. If the Foot were to find out that his family was susceptible to a second mutation, he wouldn’t be surprised if they would try to find a way to use it against them. It didn’t matter that part of his plan involved them not getting out of this building alive, he didn’t want to take those chances. Things could go wrong, things always go wrong.

She waited a moment, to see if he would indulge any more information, but she would be disappointed. She started to circle around him again, her anger and determination dripping from her voice.

“Well, it does not matter now,” she said, and Don could see her hand move as if to dismiss the topic entirely, “my father had put in measures to keep the Foot Mystics at bay, and they are still under my control, so if that had been your plan, it has failed.”

The blue-masked turtle said nothing, not rising to her bait. She was quiet for a moment, but continued her circling until she came to rest in front of him once again and then stopped. She sized up him up, and with the length of her stare, Don feared she already knew that he was an imposter, but then she spoke again.

“Do you fear death, Leonardo?” Karai asked, and it was much quieter than before, but still ringing in the hushed room. “Do you fear your dishonorable life will be over in a few moments?”

Don was speechless for a moment, unsure how to answer such a stupid question. Of course he was afraid of death. Death was a finale when he hadn’t even gotten to the second act yet. There were plenty of things he wanted to do in this life before death inevitably came for him. He did what had been doing from the second he walked into the front doors of this crazy place. He did not seek his own answer, but that of his brother. He picture Leo and he pictures his family, the reason Leo did so many silly things and allowed the words come out of his mouth.

“’The fear of death follows from the fear of life,’” Don quoted, the voice in his head similar to the one he let out of his mouth because it came from the same being. “’A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.’”

It was from Mark Twain, one of Leo’s favorite authors. When Splinter was giving Don math books and science texts, Leo had requested classics. Mark Twain, Sun Tzu, J.R.R. Tolkien, if the books were long and full of literary or inspiring words, his brother gobbled them up as he had with the encyclopedias and textbooks. When Don would seclude himself off away from his louder brothers to read, not long after he would be joined by the blue-loving turtle, with his own book in hand, and they would quietly read together. Occasionally they would share what they had learned. Leo couldn’t understand half of what Don said, but Don memorized every word the other had. Just because nobody else seem to be able to keep up with is hobbies, didn’t mean he shouldn’t try to follow theirs.

Evidently, it was enough to spur Karai in motion. With a passionate cry, she unsheathed one of her own katanas and struck fast, aiming at his head.

Lucky for him, Don already had Leonardo’s katana already out and was ready to swiftly block the blow, or he would found himself without his head. He barely had time to even think about how close it was when she attacked again, forcing him to fall into the defensive to her fury of attacks.

It was obvious now how painfully unskilled he was in this battle. Had he had his bo, he would have been able to go into the offense almost as soon as she started to attack, but now he was only able to dodge and deflect each swing and jab of her weapon with Leo’s katana. His moves were perfect, just as Splinter had taught him and just as Leo had demonstrated, but he lacked the finesse his brother had to put enough power behind it to ever get away from Karai’s constant attacks.

The fight lasted less than five minutes before she was able to knock the only sword in his hands down and onto the floor and knocked him to the ground before he could even think about extracting the other one from his holster. The sharp edge of her weapon bit into his neck as she pinned him down.

The crowd of Foot soldiers let out a roaring cheer and were eagerly awaiting the finishing blow, but Karai did not look at all happy with the turn of events. Don thought he knew why. There was no way in the world that someone as skilled and observant as Karai could ignore the obvious now. She narrowed her eyes down at the blue-banded turtle and snarls, “This was too easy…”

“Really?” Don panted, trying to keep the sword from digging into his neck. As it was, he could feel the blood well up from the small nick that he could not avoid with the amount of pressure she was putting on the blade. “I thought that was the hardest fight I’ve ever had with a blade.” He hadn’t even bothered to mimic Leo’s voice, he was too tired to try.

Suddenly, the pressure was off of him and he gave a small sigh of relief. He didn’t try to get up as he saw Karai back away from him in anger, ripping the Shredder’s helmet off as she got back on her feet. Her face was twisted ugly in her fury.

“You are not Leonardo!” The cheers and taunts from her soldiers died in an instant and it deathly quiet in the hall.

“Nope,” Don said cheerfully, still laying on the floor trying to catch his breath. For a few moments, it would appear that his labored breathing was the only thing that could be heard.   

Karai seemed to swell in anger. Her face, usually smooth and unlined, was blotchy red and wrinkled with fury, she paced away from him, her hands clenched tightly into fists and it appeared she had to restrain herself from breaking something. Don thought she looked more like an angry toddler who had her favorite toy broken than the leader of an international crime syndicate. The laughter (or hysteria, it was difficult to differentiate between the two at the moment) started to bubble up from his stomach and he lifted himself to a sitting position just to aid in stopping them from reaching his mouth.

She turned back to him and he felt the full scrutiny of her gaze. She was finally really taking him in now, and not just seeing what she had wanted to see. She’s probably now noticing the different shade of skin tone, the softer edges, and the definite lack of scarring, especially on the carapace where she had once stabbed his brother. She was finally taking in all that was the turtle behind the blue mask and Leo’s armor and narrowed her eyes.

“Donatello,” she sneered. He didn’t bother giving her an affirmation. She wouldn’t really believe anything he said anyway. Not now that she had been tricked by him even for a short amount of time.

“It would appear to me now that Leonardo had no intention of meeting my demands.” Her voice was now deadly quiet, and Don felt that chill starting to rise in his spine again. “You are a fool to cross me and Leonardo has proven to me what I always thought he was: a dishonorable coward.”

The chill dissipated as a lick of flame started to burn inside of Don. The anger that had been his driving force into doing this stupid mission, which had been building up and up this past week, had found its outlet and Don finally allowed himself to release the pressure on a suitable target.

“My brother is many things,” he said, his voice cold with fury, “but he’s never been a coward.”

Karai continued to sneer at him, her seemingly pretty face twisted into this grotesque mask, one full of hatred and spite. She had opened her mouth to attack his words but he didn’t allow her. When it came to the verbal battle, Donatello was the Master here, not her.

“My brother holds honor and family on equal accord. Leo is the bravest, most honorable being on this planet and you tried to manipulate the best of him for your own sick version of justice. You are not worthy even to even _speak_ his name much less demand him pay a price that is not even his to bear.  Your father has murdered thousands of people, had murdered my own master’s master. Has tried to kills us on multiple occasions, but we are to be punished for his crimes? Your father deserved death for all the innocents he has slaughter, you should be relieved that all he got was imprisonment and banishment. Your sense of honor is seriously twisted, sister, and I refuse to play your game!”

Karai silently steamed and Don continued to take advantage of her stillness.

“You know, we’re a lot alike, Leo and I,” Don stated, conversationally, “We both are level headed, tactical, and self-sacrificing, almost to a fault. You call Leo dishonorable, but you are wrong. Leonardo has more honor in one finger than most people have in their whole body. This is where Leo and I differ, however. I never put that much emphasis on honor. We have a different moral code. I put my family first before my honor, always.”

“That’s actually how we are similar, Karai,” Don said, his eyes boring into Karai’s green ones. “You put your Foot family before your honor, even before your own damn sense!”

“How dare you!”

“How dare I?” Don scoffed.  “You promised a fair battle, you promised a one-on-one, end all/be all battle with Leo, and yet here we are, surrounded by your ‘family.’ A family full of thieves and murderers, who prey on the weak and helpless without regard. There is no honor here. Honor be damned!” He was starting to yell, not trying very hard to stop it. “Leo didn’t even know I was going take his place! He was going to follow your instructions to the letter! I had to drug him to keep him from coming! And this is the welcome such an honorable person would have been greeted with?”

“I’ve had enough of this,” Karai said, her voice hard enough to dissuade Donatello from continuing his rant. “It means nothing, not what he knew or what he didn’t. He will perish as you will, as your freakish family will.” She turned her head to one of her Elite Guards, “Finish him.”

“Ah,” Don stated, “Yeah, about that.”

Karai had already turned her back to him and started walking to the throne, but something in his voice must have caught her attention. She half-turned to him.

“You don’t think I came unprepared, did you?” Don inquired, reaching into Leo’s belt and pulled out from one of the many tiny compartments hidden there. “Remember when I said I had a different moral code?”

It was a small, cylindrical piece with a button. “It’s a trigger,” he said, holding it up slightly so everyone in the room had a good look at it before he lowered it to rest comfortably in his hand. “A dead-man’s switch.”

As he said that, he looked directly into Karai’s eyes and pressed the button. A beep could be heard from the small device, and not a second later, more beeps seemed to fill the space. All the Foot soldiers started to look around, finally noticing the small black boxes that littered the hall, now with a bright red flashing light indicating that they were armed. A quiet panic seemed to fill the room, but they were well trained, which confirmed Don’s suspensions that the new Shredder had only allowed the most trusted of her army to witness this event. They quieted almost immediately at one look from Karai.

“If I let go of this button,” he informed the room at large, though he still only had his eyes really on Karai. “I will blow up this entire building.”

“How-“ Karai started, showing her disbelief at the charges she hadn’t noticed in her own throne room.

“Hi, intelligent ninja, here,” Don stated, waving the hand that held the trigger and the room murmured again in nervousness.  “I broke in _days_ ago, and lined the whole building, inside and out, with explosives. For an organization full of ninjas, you sure don’t believe in effective security.”

“You are bluffing,” she said with disbelief, her narrow eyes were torn between him and the now blinking objects in the room.

Don’s only answer was to give her a dead stare, making sure she knew his intentions were sincere. She narrowed her eyes and put forth her full attention back on him.

“You will blow yourself up as well?” The disbelief was still evident, but Don knew he truly now had a bargaining chip.

“Like I said: self-sacrificing, to a fault.” Don rolled his shoulder, keeping the trigger enclosed in his fist close to his chest, in case Foot soldier had gotten the crazy idea in their head to try and cut off his hand to stop the explosion. “But I am not without mercy.”

There was a pause, as he saw Karai mulled his last words in her head.

“What are your terms?”

“You leave New York, and return to Japan. You leave tonight, right this minute. Get into your helicopter and fly off. Don’t look back. Do not stop on ‘Go,’ do not collect $200.” Despite the joke, Don’s eyes and tone were very serious. “Your Foot Clan will disband and return with you. They will not remain in this building, or any other Saki owned businesses in this city. This building will be destroyed as soon as everyone clears it. I will spare each and every one of your lives, if you just leave.”

Donatello paused, making sure that everyone was still listening. Then he continued on.

“And you will leave my family alone. No more surprise visits. No more traps. No more fighting. We want peace,” Don said, unable to keep the weariness of over a hundred battles out of his voice, “We _deserve_ peace.”

“Peace,” Karai hissed, a smile that probably would have been charming had her eyes didn’t have such a manic gleam to it. “You are more of a fool than I had thought you were, Donatello. A true warrior only knows peace when all of their enemies are defeated. Your enemies are spread out all over the universe, so great are your troubles. You shall know death before you know peace.”

Something dark flashed in Don’s eyes, but it was gone before anyone could interpret its meaning. “That may be true,” Don agreed. “But one less enemy, especially one that has tormented my family so long, will make our burden so much more bearable.”

The silence that followed was disturbing, but Don chose to pay it no mind. Karai seemed to be contemplating her options before she finally smiled that cold, calculating smile that Don wanted to slap off of her face.

“You are bluffing,” her Japanese accent couldn’t hide her glee. “You do not have the guts to blow us all up, much less yourself. There are scientists and lab techs in the floors below, innocent lives that will die if you choose to blow us all up. Surely, they do not deserve the fate you have set out for them.”

Don felt his lips twitch at the mention of the labs below but quickly schooled his features again, but he knew she already caught it and her smile grew. “You are a pacifist, Donatello. You wouldn’t take a life.”

He ground his teeth and straighten his shoulders.  He stared hard at her for a moment.

“You’re right.” When he finally did speak, his voice was soft, and had the hall not already been quiet, he was sure nobody would have heard him. But he was well aware that he had everyone’s undivided attention, especially with the trigger in his hand. “I hate violence. I despise it. All life is sacred, and I try my hardest to not take any lives.”

“But I do know that death comes for everyone, and I know how many lives your organization has taken. All of your organization.” His eyes shifted down, as if he could see the labs below his feet. “I have hacked into your system ten times over, and I know the horrors your scientists are making, the tortures you put innocent test subjects, both animal, alien, _and_ human. I know about the bioweapons you are planning, the poisons and chemicals you create to cause panic and blackmail. Those ‘innocents,’ as you called them, aren’t so innocent, are they?”

“You threatened my family for the last time, Oroku Karai. And you’ve back me into a corner.” His voice had a hard edge and his eyes were like steel. “You should know not to back an animal into a corner.”

There was something about Donatello that nobody but the five of them knew. It’s never been brought up, nor witnessed from an outsider’s eye. It had been nipped in the bud at a young age and Don had fought hard to overcome this affliction.

There was a reason why his brothers were reluctant to fight him without weapons when they were younger. Don usually relies on his memory and quick thinking when he has his bo staff, but without his weapon, he is relies on something that couldn’t be taught: his animal instincts. He’s not the fastest, strongest, or the most skilled. Never has been, but he’s cunning, and manipulative, and when all else fails, resourceful. When they were sparring as children, or even rough housing, he would use whatever weapons he had at his disposal. In other words, he bit. Each of his brothers had felt Don’s teeth sink into their flesh. In fact, Raphael has a particularly nasty scar on the back of his right knee after a particularly bad game of wrestling that Don had been blindsided into participating in. Raph had limped badly for days afterwards and had been reluctant to even touch him for weeks. Eventually, though, Splinter had been able to instill enough discipline into Donatello to where he would rely less on the biting aspect of his instincts and hone in on his biggest strength: his mind.

The moral of the story, though, is that Donnie was more than capable to fight dirty when he felt threatened. He proved in the past, in that other dimension, that he was not afraid to use lethal force when he found necessary.

The threat of extinction of his family made it necessary.

Don watched Karai stare at him as if she was impressed by him. It was clear she had underestimated him and was now possibly rethinking her battle plan. Suddenly, she turned away from him and now all eyes were on her as she made her way back to her throne and sat down regally. As soon as she was settled, she sat back and stared back at Donatello in defiance.

“I am not afraid of you, Hamato Donatello,” she stated clearly, the heat and anger from earlier had cooled considerably in her voice, and now it only held distain. “I will not run from you. I will not flee my home like a _rat_ on a sinking ship.”

Don felt the weight of eyes upon him as the rest of the room moved their attention back onto him. He gritted his teeth, understanding the dig she had just made at his father.

“You may be smart enough to pull off this feat, but you do not have the nerve,” she stated, her eyes shining in delight. “You are the weakest of your brothers, and you shall always be.”

It was a taunt, this he knew. It was the same thing he has always told himself since he could understand. An old, festering wound that she seemed to know exactly where it was located and how hard to press. It had hurt deeply when he was a child, the realization that he would never be equal in their eyes when it came to ninjutsu, but if she had thought that poking a stick into that sleeping dragon would have been enough of a distraction, she was about to realize that she had picked the wrong turtle to mess with.

Because as she was delivering that affront, her eyes betrayed her and flicked to someone just past his right shoulder, and Donatello, being the train observer he was, had caught on quickly that her insults were just a distraction. So that meant that Donatello was ready when he heard the sword of the Elite Guard swing down and, for a second time, Don was able to avoid decapitation.

The Elite Guard, however, hadn’t been so lucky. Donnie had ducked low to avoid the blow and came up again, this time with the sword he had dropped in his earlier fight with Karai. The loud ‘swish’ the blade made as it sliced through the air was quickly followed by the sound of flesh being ripped into and blood rushing from the large gap that now occupied the Guard’s neck. Everyone stared at the sword now embedded in the neck of the would-be killer. His gurgle as he tried to take in one last breath echoed through the hall and that was followed quickly by the loud thump as the now dead man hit the ground.

Don stared at the mess of the man before him, where the blood of his victim was now spreading on him and around him. There was no way for him to avoid the arterial spray, nor did he want to. He had no business being clean after such a violent act, despite it being one of self-defense. He let the sight sicken him, allowed it to sear into his corneas and transfer into his brain. He hadn’t been able to completely decapitate the man, and Don wasn’t sure if he had wanted to be able to have that power anyway. It was enough to have killed him, he didn’t need to feel like he had to do more. He chose not to dwell on the matter for much longer, he had more work to do.

The hall was too stunned by the act to take advantage of his slightly distracted state and that was okay by him. He only allowed another moment of reflection as he stared down at the bloody mass before he turned to Karai, who stared at him with an unreadable expression on her face. If he hadn’t known better, he thought he saw a flash of pity in her green eyes, but whatever emotion had been in them was now gone and only coldness remained.

Karai was never going to give up, he realized. She had just seen him kill in the bloodiest fashion he had ever done and still didn’t have the sense to know that he meant business. It didn’t make his decision any easier, but he hadn’t expected it to be anyway.

He straightens himself out and fully faced her again. He squares his shoulders one last time as took in the sight around him. There he was, a single mutated turtle surrounded by those who hated him most. For a brief moment, he felt the implacable need to have his brothers with him, to feel their warmth presence and love surround him, but explicably glad that they weren’t. He turned back to Karai and his voice was as cold as ice and hard as a diamond.

“So ends the Shredder.”

There was only a moment of reflection as they stared at each other’s eyes before Don held out his arm and let go of the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN2: I’m sorry guys. I’m so, so sorry. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song by 30 Seconds From Mars.


	6. Chapter 5 - What I've Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo must now come clean and tell his family the heartbreaking news...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard chapter to write and, I imagine, will be a hard one to read. This…is not a happy chapter, neither will the next one. We go back to Leo’s POV, and we finally see him let his family know what is going on. It will be heartbreaking, I am warning you now.
> 
> Beta’d: The Queen, Kamerer220.

Chapter 5 – What I’ve Done 

-o-

“Not only had my brother disappeared, but a part of my very being had gone with him. Stories about us could, from then on, be told from only one perspective. Memories could be told but not shared.”    
―  John Corey Whaley ,  _ Where Things Come Back _

-o-

Everything felt muffled. The lights in the lair, the images on the screen, the sounds of jubilation from his brothers. Everything thing seem muted, flat, almost cartoonish in appearance, like a Monday comic strip, a disappointment from the bright colors the day before.

Leonardo’s body felt weighed down, heavy and lethargic with sorrow and disbelief. He was anchored into place, unable to tear his eyes away from the live shots of debris and floating dirt particles that still lingered in the air from the demolished tower. There was no way for him to be able to hear what was being said on the screen over the loud shouts and laughter from the two in front of him, but the words “no survivors” was still listed in the marque and he knew that there would be speculation of terrorist attacks. How could they not, after 9/11? That had been a dark day for this country.

Tonight would be a dark one for them. 

He stared at the wreckage, the barely visible walls piled on top of each other, broken and useless. They were now broken and useless. They were incomplete without their fourth, who was now probably lying dead inside the remains of the building that was being shown on the television. If had been lucky enough to not turn into a red mist.

Leo jerked at the thought. He couldn’t continue that line of thought without feeling sick. The thought of his brother now just being a vapor, or even lying broken under cinderblocks removed him from his paralysis and compelled him to remove himself from the area and seek out a place where he didn’t have to see the damage that Donatello had done because of him. He moved blindly, ignoring Mikey’s inquiry on his sudden departure and lack of celebration, and moved to a quieter part of the lair. It took a moment before he realized he was standing in front of the door that led to Splinter’s room. 

He blinked a couple of times, unsure of how he had gotten there, but realized, even subconsciously, that this was where he needed to be at that exact moment. He needed to confess his sins. He needed to tell Splinter how he had just led their family to turmoil and heartbreak, the exact thing he had been trying to avoid when he had accepted Karai’s demand. 

Leo was about to knock on the door when he realized he was still had the bo staff and purple mask enclosed in his fists. He stared at the extensions of his brother that he had carried with him most of his life, and was reluctant to let either go. After a few moments of internal debate, he carefully leaned Don’s staff securely against the wall and then tucked the purple material into his belt, temporarily out of sight.  Before his courage fail, before he could turn away from his duty, he knocked on his father’s, requesting an audience with him.

Splinter’s answer came almost immediately, which surprised Leo due to the late hour. He squared his shoulders and opened the door. Only a couple of candles that were placed around the room were lit, and Leo found him lighting a few more as he entered. It was quite obvious that his father had been awakened by something, and he was sure it had something to do with the loud noise coming from the main area. 

“My son,” Splinter greeted him, a smile came upon his face. “I was awake by shouts of triumph. What has happened?”

Leo stared at his father, who was clearly expecting good news. There stood his father, his hand paused in lighting a candle, looking at his son with a hopeful expression. Leo knew he was likely thinking about their talk the other day, when he had promised an end to the Foot feud and peace for their family. Now he was forced to say only half of that is true, and that it hadn’t been him who brought it.

Splinter’s grin started to falter the longer Leo stood there without saying anything. He finally put down the matches that he had held in his hand and turned fully to his son.

“Leonardo,” came the soft voice that was starting to fill with worry. “What is the matter, my son?”

His father’s voice was filled with some much gentleness, so much concern that it brought him to his knees. In one swift motion, Leo knelt down in front of his father and gave a low bow. Stayed in the prone position for a few moments, not able to bring himself to look up at his father, who he could feel the waves of confusion and increased uneasiness start to roll off of him. Leo sensed that his father wanted to demand an answer to his behavior, but Splinter was extremely disciplined, he could wait out whatever it was that was holding his son back from answering. Moreover, he trusted his son, he knew that he would tell him eventually. 

Perhaps he should rethink that trust.

So Splinter let out a steadying breath and sat in front of his son, who was still bowed low, and waited him out.

He had only sat down for a few moments before his patience was rewarded. Leo remained bowed, but he lifted himself up slightly so he could look at his aging father, his eyes appearing so bright and young while not encumbered by a mask, and Splinter felt the first jolt of dread shoot through his body.

“My mission has fail, Father,” Leo finally said, his voice hoarse. “I have failed you, I have failed this family.” Leo saw his father’s eyes bend back at the remark, but continued his silent inspection of his son. 

Leo took a deep breath, took several deep breaths, when the bubble of his shame came pouring out of his mouth and he found himself telling his father everything: the letter Karai gave him, his decision to handle it alone, him going to individual family members to say goodbye, how he thought that this was the best option in getting peace, everything.

Splinter listened intently, watching the pain and sorrow in his son’s eyes as he confessed everything to him, his words starting to run into each other as he tried to get those raw thoughts and emotions out for him to judge. His first opinion was that his son was indeed very foolish to believe to promises of that… woman, and that her need for vengeance had turned her blood into poison and it has corrupted whatever good judgment she had once possessed, but he refrained from passing a verdict until he knew the whole story. This son, in particular, had always had a good heart, had always put his trust in others and had always given other a benefit of the doubt, even those who least deserve his mercy. It was a trait that Splinter had refused to push out of his son, because usually his good sense would win out. Usually.

Leo had let the words flow out of him, not allowing any filter to hinder them in the slightest. He had spent a week bottling these words and thoughts inside and he needed to push out the poison before he cauterized the wound his deeds had caused.  He only started to falter once he got to the events of tonight and he could barely speak because of the shame he felt. How could he had not seen that coming, how could he have allowed himself to succumb to the effects of the drug when had needed to stop his little brother from doing the same mistake he was about to do?

Splinter noted the pause in Leonardo’s story and leaned forward, knowing that they had come to the turning point in his son’s story. 

Leo looked in his father’s eyes, praying for forgiveness, yet expecting none, and continued. “...and tonight, while I was meditating in the dojo, Donnie came to me. I thought I had been careful, I thought I had left everyone in the dark, but Donnie knew. Donnie always knows…” Leo looked away then, when he saw the understanding in his father’s eyes. Donatello had been an infuriating child to keep things from, who had a seemingly sixth sense in knowing when he was being lied to or kept from things. Don hated being kept in the dark of things, especially if he thought it was important.

“I think he knew almost from the beginning, and had been trying to counteract my every movement.” Leo could only look back in disgust at all the signs that Don had portrayed: his avoidance, his uncharacteristic terseness, his overt attention on Leo during training, the swords in his lab, etc. Leo had brushed them all off, or allowed himself to become distracted from inquiring. It made him sick to his stomach to know that there had been so many opportunities to stop Don and he took none of them.

“And he tried to stop you?” Splinter asked, watching his son nod, keeping his eyes low so he could not read them. “How?”

The pain was evident in his son’s face and knew that shame was also mixed in with it. 

“He spiked my tea,” Leo stated, his voice barely above a whisper. “And left me in the dojo. I only woke up a few moments ago.”

Splinter nodded. He could see the sluggishness straining his son’s muscles, it must have been a powerful sedative his brilliant son had given his oldest brother if he was still feeling the effects. “And since you have obviously missed your appointment with Karai, you believe that she is now on her way, that she probably has news of our current location and will attack again?”

He watched his son’s face twist harshly in agony. 

“No,” Leo said, his voice still low, but completely filled with emotion. “Karai will not be coming after our family tonight. She’ll never touch our family again…”

“Because Karai’s demands were met tonight…” He lifted his hand to his belt and pulled something from it, lifting it up to show his father. “Donatello took my place.”

In the outreached hand was his quiet son’s mask, the one that had been so recently recreated after the destruction of his other one during his mutation. Splinter stared at the purple cloth for a full minute before he could find the courage to allow himself to grab the material from his son’s hand and hold it close to him, inspecting the slightly worn edges where the fabric had met rough skin and probably a plethora of incidences with machinery and chemicals its wearer come in contact since it was created. 

Splinter continued to look at the cloth in his hand as Leo continued. “He took my mask and my katanas. He planned on impersonating me to get into Foot HQ and face Karai in my place.”

“We need to gather your brothers up immediately and go after him, before it’s too late.” Splinter had dictated that, his voice strong with the decision, but his eyes never left the object in his hands.

Leo closed his eyes again, the pain in his heart ached terribly. It was exactly what he had wanted to do only moments ago. “I’m sorry, Sensei.” He could call him father, he didn’t deserve that right after he sent another of his sons to his death. “It’s too late.”

The aged rat ripped his eyes from the mask in his hand to his eldest son, disbelief filling his visage. “What?”

“The Oroku Saki Tower,” Leo said, his voice choking up with emotions. “It blew up thirty minutes ago. They are saying…” Leo didn’t know if he could continue, didn’t know if he could tell his father the news. He remembered having to bring Don back to the lair as a mutated beast and having visible evidence of his brother’s transformation hadn’t made it any easier. But someone had to do it, and it was his burden to bear. “They are saying that there are no survivors.” 

Everything seemed to stand still for a moment and then Splinter seemed to sway slightly where he sat. Leo moved quickly to catch him but his father held up his hand, having already caught himself. He froze as he watched his father slowly straighten back up from where he sat, his shoulders trying to square up once more but Leo could tell that the weight of the news was just too much for the ninja master to bear fully. His shoulders remained hunched, his breathing slightly hitching with emotion, and his eyes were turned back to purple mask in his hands. Slowly, with reverence, Splinter laid the cloth across his lap, freeing his hands. He caressed the fabric for one short, stolen moment before enfolding his hands together as if in prayer. Perhaps he was, sending thoughts to their Hamato Yoshi, his father’s old master, and their other ancestors, to watch over the son whose soul was now floating into their awaiting arms. Asking for his son’s safe journey to their lands, to beg for forgiveness for his failing to keep him safe, to send his son one last positive thought before they were separated for a final time in this life.

The silence that reigned in the elder’s room was only interrupted by the still jubilant cries from now two youngest (it hurt Leo’s heart greatly to even think that now). Splinter didn’t inquire if the others knew, for he was sure that those shouts of triumph would not be there if they had known. Besides, Leo thought his father was quite preoccupied at the moment to even give a thought to what was occurring outside of that very room. He wasn’t even sure if he was even aware of what was going on in  _ this _ room, for sure his father now was trying to reach out in the spirit world for his lost son. 

Leo knew their conversation was far from over, he was still awaiting to hear of his punishment, one he so justly deserved, but he allowed his father his time for mourning. He could do that much.

While he waited with a heavy heart, he allowed his own thoughts to run free, for he knew there would be no use of him to try and meditate himself into a calmer state. He didn’t deserve to taste Nirvana after what he had done.  He allowed memories to spring forward, unbidden but not entirely unwelcomed. His first memory of Donnie, a soft body curled up against his plastron, murmuring nonsense words. His brother reciting a mathematical formula at his feet as he tried to do a handstand. A tiny Donatello trying to carry a larger Raph on a dare and barely succeeding. The amazed look his brother’s eyes on their first trip to a park, and barely making out a constellation for the first time in an actual night sky rather than in a book. Don looking at him with admiration in his eyes and bandages on his hands as Leo practiced a kata. Don inquiring about a missing boat. Don blushing at one of April’s jokes. Don jumping in front of a laser to save their father. Don scolding them about their seemingly faulty rescue mission. Don, gearless, grinning tiredly at them as he was being held up by Leatherhead. A thousand little moments splashed across his mind, each one more precious than the last.  

Especially now, that there would be no more. No more surprise trinkets to add to their collection. No more mini explosions coming from an enclosed lab. No more fights over being able to watch Mythbusters. No more mornings being filled with formulas and the smell of strong coffee. No more gentleness. No more intelligence. No more purple branded brother.

The tears came to his eyes, but he refused to allow them safe passage down his cheeks. His mourning would have to come later if he allowed himself that luxury. For not a moment after he willed his tears to not fall, Splinter’s door opened and Raphael barged in unannounced.

“Hey, Sensei! Guess-“ Raph’s loud and triumphant voice cut itself short, quickly taking in the sight in front of him. The sorrowful atmosphere, the tears still evident in Leo’s eyes, the mask laying across Splinter’s lap. He stood stock still in the doorway, appearing to be afraid to breathe. They heard Mikey shouting out behind him, calling out Leo and (Leo’s heart pinged again) Donnie’s names, his laughter piercing his voice. 

Raph looked at Splinter, whose sad eyes had opened at his son’s intrusion, looked back at Leo, noting his mask less face, and finally rested again upon the ownerless mask. Raph’s throat started to convulse, as if he was trying to swallow down something thick and disgusting as he kept his eyes on the purple material. Leo could practically see the gears turn in his brother’s head and already knew he was coming up with the right conclusion. His immediate younger brother was so much smarter than he gave himself credit for. He knew the insecurities that Raph had about his intelligence, and that he often compared himself with their brainy (another skip of the heart) brother, and not realizing that anyone would look like a bumbling idiot compared to Donnie. 

The pain was just starting to show in Raph’s eyes when the moment was interrupted again, this time by the youngest pushing past Raph, who was still standing stationary in the doorway. 

“Hey, where’s?” Mikey started to inquire, but noticing Leo immediately. “Hey! Yo, Leo! Did you see it? Why’d you leave? This totally calls for a party!”

Their youngest continued to prattle, so completely caught up in his own euphoria that he was missing the sorrow that was slowly permeating the space. Nobody seemed to be able to interrupt him because nobody had the energy to try. 

“It just went, ‘Boom!’” Mikey grinned, “No more Foot!” He looked around at all the faces, now just noticing the dower looks but it still hadn’t registered. “Hey, where’s Donnie? We need to totally celebrate!”

At their missing brother’s name, Raphael jerked out of his mourning to grab onto Mikey and the younger turtle yelped at the sudden onslaught of pressure trying to drive him out of the room. 

“Hey, Mike,” Raph said. He only ever called their baby brother ‘Mike’ when he was being serious. “Why don’t you go see if you can get April and Casey back on the phone, see if they wanna come down here to, uh.” He seemed to falter a moment. Mikey looked confused and only semi-fought against being manhandled out of the room.  “Celebrate, or something.” Raph finally finished, his voice not even trying to sound normal.

Leo knew what he was trying to do, and he was appreciative of the effort. Raph was in protective mode. He was his default setting when the world was crashing around them. Anger drove him when there was something to be done, and the leader knew that would come later. Right now, though, Raph wanted to limit the damage, especially since he didn’t know what exactly the damage was. There was no hiding from this catastrophe, though. The sooner everyone knew, the sooner they could grieve and figure out where they needed to go from there. Leo started to say something, but their father beat him to it.

“No, Raphael,” Splinter called out from where he sat, and Raph stopped trying to push Mikey out of the room. Mikey, who had finally got a feel of the room, had lost his smile and was now looking very worried. Leo watched as Splinter invite his other sons to kneel before him, who complied readily. They all watched silently as Splinter looked in each of their faces, as if he was trying to remember every detail that he had already had a lifetime to memorize. The dread in Leo’s stomach was so palpable that he could taste it. 

“My sons,” Splinter started but Leo quickly interrupted.

“No, Sensei,” Leo stated, “Let me say it.” Leo couldn’t under good conscious allow his father to divulge the news that would rock this family to the core. It had been his plan that had backfired, his faults that brought this injustice to them. It would be he who should be responsible for when the ax falls. All eyes fell on him and he had never felt the weight of his responsibility so clear until then.

“Karai issued me a challenge,” Leo stated, squaring his shoulders as a way to find the strength to continue. “To meet her at her tower for a final duel, or she’ll come after our family.” Leo wavered for a moment before he swallowed down his sorrow. “But Don found out about it and… took my place.”

It was so silent in the room, that he couldn’t even hear his family breathing. Perhaps they weren’t. He for sure felt out of breath right then and there. 

Then Raph, good ole’ reliable Raphael, who allowed his anger to guide his hand and his tongue, narrowed his eyes. “And you just let him?”

Excuses and reasons tried to bubble up from his throat but he swallowed those down as effectively as he had his lunch. They were useless. 

“Don didn’t give me a choice,” Leo stated, a bitter taste in his mouth that he was sure was not entirely from the aftereffects of the drugs. “He drugged my tea and left after I had succumbed to its effects.”

“He took my mask.” He touched the side of his head where the band would have rested. “And my weapons, leaving his behind.”

Raph looked like he wanted to continue the argument, but Mikey interrupted. He looked dazed at the information and had wanted more information. “So, what?” he turned Leo to Splinter and back, “He fought her and then what? She realized Don wasn’t you and blew up the building?”

Mikey was confused, and rightly so. Even Leonardo didn’t have all the answers in this but he knew his guesses would be very close to being on the mark.

“I’m sure…” Leo started, staring at Mikey’s big and now terrified eyes. “I’m sure it was Don who blew it up.” 

There was so little certainty in this world and he wasn’t sure about many things, but he knew that there was no way the building blew up by accident or by self-defense against an outside force. That wasn’t how Karai played the game. There was only being he knew that could pull all this off by himself and that had been his genius of a brother. He remembered that patrol they had had a few nights ago, next to the decorated school yard. The hard intent in his brother’s voice when he spoke about how Karai would always come after them and she would only stop if they made her stop. He had ignored it then, just thinking it had “worry-wart Donnie” who worried about everything. This had been his endgame, apparently. He had obviously been planning this from the get go. Don was a dirty fighter when he felt he was being threatened unfairly, and was utterly sick of the damage Karai, and the Foot, seemed to pay their family. If Don had it in his power, and he most certainly did, he would have made sure that she would not get another chance to strike down his family. 

He looked into his family’s faces. Splinter had returned to staring at the mask on his lap. Mikey still looked confused, though the realization as finally starting to slip in. And Raph, Raph looked beyond pissed. He was clenching his jaw hard enough to hurt and Leo could hear the barely contained contempt in his voice when he spoke again.

“Wait,” Raph spat out, “You’re telling us Don blew  _ himself _ up?” He looked directly into Leo’s eyes. “That sounds more like something you would do.”

Leo couldn’t deny that, especially since it had been his plan from the beginning to go off alone to finish Karai. But he knew Don, at least he thought he had, and he would have wanted to do something permanent, something lasting, to end this feud once and for all.

“He would do it,” Leo said softly, refusing to look away from Raph’s amber eyes. “If he thought he had no other choice.”

“But he had other choices!” Raph couldn’t hold back his anger any longer. “He could have come to us!  _ You _ ,” Raph pointed his finger at Leo, “could have come to us! You always do this! This stupid shit to get yourself killed and you done influenced your own brother to do it too!” 

Leo was about to retort but Mikey butted in.

“We don’t know for sure that Donnie’s dead,” he said quietly, his voice a direct contrast with Raphael’s. There was hope and gentleness in his, while there was only rage and despair in Raph’s. “He could have gotten out. You don’t know for sure if it was even he who did it.”

Mikey looked hopeful, painfully so, and it had started a spark of hope in Leo’s own heart. His youngest brother was so determined to be positive, in a lot of his endeavors, but they couldn’t afford to go down that path, the path of delusions. Logic and gut instincts told him that their Donnie was gone. 

“Mikey,” Leo said softly, trying to be gentle, but there was no way for him to allow the delusion to continue. “You know as well as I do that if Donnie had made it out before the blast, that if he was okay, he would have contacted us by now.” Because their brother wouldn’t want them to worry, no matter the situation. Don had been quite adamant, especially in this past year, to always let his family know where he was and that he was okay. Leo had no clue what the catalyst was to cause this over cautious behavior, but he had been grateful for his brother’s diligence and had refused to question it. 

Add that to the many questions Leo now pondered that he had failed to inquire about while he still had the chance, which he will now never get an answer to. Not now. Not ever.

“But maybe he’s hurt or, or-“ Mikey quickly reached to his own belt and pulled out his shellcell. They watched as he pressed a speed dial and brought it up to his ear. They all listened intently. They waited to hear a ring, an answer, something, but the phone just beeped and the call ended. Mikey’s face had been expectant, but turned to confusion. The way the phones were designed, they were to ring until it got to a voice message system that was built into the hardware of the cell. They didn’t have a network and Don had been reluctant to try to use an online storage system for their voice mail just in case it got hacked and traced back to them. If the phone was turned off, it would go straight to voicemail. They had never experienced the phone ending the call without either. They saw the hope start to fade from Mikey’s eyes and panic start to settle in. The only explanation for why the voice mail not answer would because the phone was destroyed. Mikey determinedly tried again, and again, pressing Don’s speed dial number progressively harder each time. 

After the tenth or eleventh time, Mikey finally choked back a sob. He gripped the shellcell tightly between his hands and pressed them against his forehead, looking as if he was trying to absorb whatever brainpower he had to make his call work, but Leo knew differently. His brother’s grief had finally caught up to him.

He reached out a hand to place on his brother’s shoulder. “Mikey…”

His youngest brother quickly shrugged off the comforting gesture and quickly tried to wipe his eyes, which had started to leak. 

“No,” he said, his voice swimming in his grief despite his dogged determination to remain positive. “No, it’s just broken, is all.” His eyes looked wild as he tried to come up with an explanation that didn’t involve his brother, and cell phone, being blown up into bits. “Or the magnet wave thingies he talks about when he’s gone all geek on explosives, they may have fried the system somehow or…”

Or their brother was really dead and they were fooling themselves into thinking otherwise, delaying their pain instead of trying to move past it. 

Mikey’s hopes were fading fast, his breathing started to become rapid and the tears were coming now at an alarming rate. Wild ideas and wishes were soon overcome by the sound of sobbing and they watched their youngest fold over himself and nearly fell over, but Leo caught him with ease. He tucked his brother against his chest and tried to give him comfort where he knew that he could give none, not this time. This wasn’t a nightmare he could hug away, a night terror that an embrace from a big brother could protect him from. This was a beast everlasting and stronger than any hold could combat. 

They sat in semi-silence as they watched Michelangelo sob incoherently into Leo’s chest before Raphael took advantage of the situation. 

“Blowing up a building,” he said, his voice deceptively quiet. “That takes time, and planning. Even for a geek like Donnie…”

Leo looked over Mikey’s head to Raphael, who was staring bullets at him. He didn’t answer his brother’s out loud musings, even though he knew where it was going. He wanted to wait until Raph came out with the question, give his brother some control in this chaotic situation.

“How long did you know about this little meeting, Fearless?” Raph’s eyes were hard and guarded. He was determined to hold onto his anger. Leo understood, because the alternative wasn’t something that could easily be borne.  

Leo knew he had to answer honestly and allows the storm he so rightly deserved to fall upon his head.

“A week.”

Pain and anger warred in his brother’s eyes and the latter was winning. “A week,” Raph snarled, and the turtle in Leo’s arms flinched. “You guys had a whole week to do something other than be stupid.” His voice was rough, and Leo could hear the battle he was having against the tears that he had wanted to shed. “You had plenty of time to come to us. Heck, you could have said something when we were in the…”

They all saw the light bulb go off in the hot-tempered turtle’s head, and if anything, it only made him that much angrier. “You bastard!”

“Raphael!” Splinter barked out, but the red-masked ninja ignored it.

“What was that?” Raph raised himself up, not standing fully but just enough so where he was looking down at the leaf-green turtle holding their still sobbing brother. “Were you trying to get us prepared or something? Spend a little time with us before you ‘heroically’ fight off that bitch?”

He didn’t deny it and that only seemed to anger the turtle further. 

“Damn you, Leo!” Raph screamed. “You always do this shit! You always take everything and do it your own damn way and never include us or even  _ ask _ if we wanted you to go on some suicidal mission for us!” His breathing became heavier and his eyes more manic. “And what’s worse, is you led your little brother down the same stupid path and now he’s dead!” 

“He’s dead, and it’s all your fault, you asshole!” Raph got right into his face, and Leo felt the hot breath blast in his face with each angry word he spoke. “How does it feel to kill your own brother, huh? Are you feeling pretty ‘Fearless’ now?”

How does it feel, to know that he let his brother, his kind and clever brother, down the path of destruction? That he led his most peaceable and selfless brother to blow himself and others up so that Leo himself wouldn’t do something stupid? Horrible. Leo had never felt this horrible before in his life. And no, he wasn’t feeling particularly ‘fearless’ at the moment. All he felt now was fear, fear for his family, fear for what was happening to him, and all that mixed in with remorse and pain, and an unbelievable amount of sorrow. He felt as if his whole body was trying to hold in all these emotions, and that he was threatening to pop at any second. 

He would have welcomed that kind of explosion, to be able to leave this body so filled with agony. To have some kind of relief from this whirlwind of emotions threatening to bring him down, but he didn’t deserve that kind of reprieve. He deserved to weather this storm, to be knocked down and dragged to his execution. He deserved every word and punch his brother wanted to give him and more.

“Raph,” Leo stated quietly, mindful of the turtle in his arms that was still in need of comfort. But the brother in front of him needed it too. “I understand you’re angry-“

“Angry?” Raph grounded out, his eyes positively bulging in his rage. “You understand nothing! You never have or you would have never done-“

“And you have every right to be,” Leo interrupted. “You’re right. This is my fault. This is  _ all _ my fault.” His voice broke at the word ‘all’ and Mikey gave a cry in his arms. He paused for a second to place his hand on his brother’s orange masked head and rub it soothingly. “You want to continue yelling, you want to hit me. Believe me, I won’t stop you. I thoroughly deserve everything you throw at me.”

“But Raph,” Leo leaned forwards as much as he could with Mikey in his lap. Raph had backed away when the eldest started talking to him again and he wanted to make sure his angry brother saw him, really saw him. He let his agony show. “Now is not the time. Now is the time for grieving. Allow yourself to grieve and let the hate and anger go for now. Please?”

Raphael looked mutinous, his nostrils flared and his jaw clenched. He was about to open his mouth, because he was nowhere near done venting his spleen, to let the fury that was swelling up in him out, but he was stopped short. This time, it was Splinter and he was not going to be ignored a second time.

“My son, be still.” Raph turned his murderous eyes from his intended target to the mourning father in front of him. Splinter gave his son a sad smile and his wrathful expression started to waver. “Please, be still.”

They saw the internal battle between his anger and obedience play out his face before he visibly deflated, falling lower to sit on the floor rather than on his knees. The fight had not left him, but it was tampered down now and would probably last that way for the moment. Leo held back his sigh of relief, because it wasn’t a battle he really deserved to win. He just held one brother close as his tears kept coming, watch another fight off his need to mourn, and listened to the nearly silent breathing of his master, barely hearing the slight catching as his emotions were starting to overwhelm his stoic father. 

And he let the tears start to fall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I…got no words. As someone who has recently lost two family members within two weeks of each other and not having a chance to say goodbye to either of them, it’s heart wrenching. If you need hug, I give them out for free. 
> 
> Chapter title is from the song by Linkin Park.


	7. Chapter 6 - It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While still in mourning, Leo goes in Donnie's lab in search for some answers. He gets more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to first thank those who gave me their hugs and condolences, they are greatly appreciated. They warmed my heart, truly. Second, I know that the last chapter was emotional, this one will be too. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.
> 
> Beta’d by and a big thanks to Kamerer220, who actually helped me with some aspects of this chapter.

Chapter 6 – It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing

-o-

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”   
― C.S. Lewis,  _A Grief Observed_

-o-

The next few hours had passed as both a blur and agonizingly slow. The remaining members of the Hamato clan had kept themselves holed up in Master Splinter’s room, sharing their mutual grief, or at least trying to.

Michelangelo had wept openly and constantly in those few hours. Sometimes it was silent and only the shaking of his shoulders let his family know he was still crying. Every now and then, the sobs started to become vocalized again and his braying cries would bounce off the walls. Leonardo could only hold his brother in despair, no amount of comforting words or pets could calm the maelstrom currently residing in his baby brother.

When this happened, Leo had always expected a harsh retort from Raphael aimed to shut his only remaining younger brother up, but Raph kept his stony silence. Every now and then, Leo thought he could catch a tear escaping from his sometimes clenched shut eyes, but he always turned his head before he could catch him wiping them away. His anger seemed to abate slowly with every passing minute leaving something worse in its stead: helplessness.

The most agonizing, Leo thought, was their father. He stayed in his lotus position, his hands laid in his lap with his Don’s masked clenched painfully in his fist. He seemed to retreat into himself, and by the time they were well into their early mourning period, his father’s eyes appeared vacant. Leo knew losing a brother was hard enough, like he had lost a part of himself, but he thought it must have been worse to lose a child. He couldn’t imagine being in Splinter’s shoes at that moment, to feel what it’s like to know that that little person he raised from infancy, who he had trained, and taught, and held in his own very arms was no longer there. They all knew it hadn’t mattered that Don was not his actual flesh and blood, that he hadn’t actually sired the bright boy with so much potential, his loss was still a stab to the heart and there was no way to heal that wound.

The leaf green turtle felt himself bouncing back and forth between two emotions, unbearable sorrow and tarnished rage. He would at times feel the tears coming and allowed them to escape, to mourn that wonderful brother who had his back in more ways than one. He knew it wouldn’t be his smarts that Leo would miss the most, though everyone knew that they would have been lost or defeated in so many ways had it not been for their genius brother and his quick thinking, his big brain, and his self-created gadgets. Not just in battle, either, but in life in general. While they had done most of the legwork getting this new lair up and running while he was on sabbatical, it had been all Don’s brain power and his input that really did it. They had just been the worker bees to his queen. He had been his confidant, one of the few beings he felt he trust to let his guard down and confide in about his responsibilities and fears of leadership. Donatello had a way of just soothing him just by his mere presence, just like Mikey had a way of uplifting him, and Raph made him feel protected. It would be his gentle soul he would miss the most, and he knew that was true with each and every member of the family.

He would cry for that precious life that had been snuffed out, and then the rage would come in, mocking him. It would tell him he had no right to mourn when it had been his actions that led them to this black hole. That had he been more careful, or hadn’t been so stupid to follow Karai’s wishes in the first place, if he had done what Raph had said, none of this would have happened. He didn’t have the right to relieve his grief so openly, to allow Mikey to nuzzle against him when he felt tears fall upon his head in a moment of compassion. He didn’t deserve those quick glances Raph would send him, so different from their earlier resentment. Looks that spoke of understanding and mutual anguish, and quite possibly of envy to have been able to be so open about his emotions where Raphael couldn’t, or wouldn’t, allow his to show.

It felt like an endless loop, he would feel himself almost dissolve into the tears, only to become angry at them before starting the cycle over and over again. Right now he was just a ball of misery and self-hate. Each time blurred into the next, making him lose track of time and thought. It felt like a lifetime of despair in those few hours, an endless torture that only the four of them could feel, unseeing, unending. Until April called and sent their emotions in overdrive again.

In the back of his mind, he knew that they would have to tell their human friends, and Leatherhead, eventually. First, he had wanted a moment to grieve with his family, with only his family, with the only people who knew Donnie from the very beginning and had felt the same soul splitting emptiness they each felt. It was a private moment that he knew no one would begrudge. He thought it would be them to initiate the contact with the outside world, and their friends were living in blissful ignorance while their world tore apart, but he had underestimated Don’s ability to create contingency plans. Of course, he would have picked April, strong, dependable April, who looked after them no matter what, to bring them the last bit of the puzzle, the last words Don may have spoken. Leo knew that his brother’s choice in picking April had not been a slight to him or his family, nor was it a show of favoritism to the woman who had captured his brother’s heart, however miniscule it was. He had needed someone he trusted indefinitely, someone he knew his family would listen to, someone who had enough experience to understand the horrible grief she was bestowing upon them.

When they had answered Raphael’s ringing phone, there had been a moment of hope when she had said she had heard from Donnie. Mike had perked up at the news, but it lasted only seconds when she relayed the message their brother had left her. Its contents had only confirmed what they had speculated and their baby brother had dissolved back into tears. Only this time he fled from the comfort of his family’s arms to hide away in his own room. Raph had left shortly after the phone call ended, having thrown the device at Splinter’s wall and Leo had watched it shatter in a thousand pieces. He didn’t have it in him to tell his brother that those electronics were now irreplaceable. Its maker was now buried under the wreckage of what was Foot tower, along with Karai and most, if not all, of her followers.

He barely blinked at the thought of Karai being dead. She had been someone he had put hopes into, had been intimate in the spiritual sense, even if it hadn’t been physical, and somebody he had trusted once. Her death should have affected him somehow, but now his grief was purely for his brother and she had been put in the back burner, something to think about when the dust settled, and the pain of losing a brother lessened enough for other thoughts to start flooding in their place. If he had thought of her at all.

He himself had left his father to mourn in private and waited for April and Casey’s arrival in the main area, for he had wanted to hear the message Don had left her. April had been reluctant to give it to him, stating that he was in a state of shock and the emotions were too raw for him to do anything but grieve, but he had insisted. He had allowed her prolonged hug, accepted the tears she shed in his arms, and let her speak the kind words he felt he hadn’t deserved. Then he took her shellcell and locked himself away in his brother’s lab.

That was where he was at that very moment, sitting in front of Donnie’s many monitors with a shellcell in his hand, and listened to the message Donnie had spoken to their friend for possibly the eighth time.

_“April? It’s Donnie…if you are getting this message, it means that I am…I have died, that I hadn’t gotten out in time. I wanted to let you know, it was me who set up the explosives in the Saki tower, but I was not supposed to go with it. I have prerecorded this message to have it sent to you in case I failed to return. I’m so sorry that I didn’t return._

_I am also sorry for the burden I must ask of you. Please tell my family what happened. Please tell them I tried so very hard to return to them, that I tried very hard not to…disappear. They may very well learn of my death through Leo, but I am hoping you will help fill in any holes I have left behind. There is a file on my desktop, the one in my lab. It’s named ‘Aspidochelone’ and the password to it ‘gomen’nasai.’_

_You have been a great friend to me, April, to us. And I cherished every moment we had together. I hope that you can forgive any transgressions I had against you, and that you forgive me for this pain I have put you through. Trust me when I say I did not want it to end like this. I hope that you have a fantastic life, and that Casey treats you like the woman you are._

_I wish all the happiness to you._

_Goodbye, my friend.”_

Leo had cried the first time he heard it. These were the last words his brother had spoken to a friendly ear before walking into the hornets’ nest. His brother had tried so hard to sound brave and in control of his emotions, but he had heard the fear and the pain echoing in the tenor’s voice. He had claimed his desire to live so openly and not with just the words but the inflictions. It both broke Leo’s heart further and made him very proud to know that Don had walked into that building not as he would have done, accepting of his fate, but with all the piss and vinegar of someone who wanted to come back alive, who wasn’t going to readily accept defeat. It both gave him heart and made him feel ashamed. Don had walked in with his head high, a selfless brother fighting for his family and for himself.

Leo had been a selfish coward.

When he planned this out, he wasn’t foolish enough to think he wasn’t going to cause his family some amount of pain. He knew there would be tears, and screaming, and things being broken beyond repair. He knew that they would not come away unscathed, but he took solace in knowing he wouldn’t be there to witness their descent into sorrow, that he would be spared of the pain he had caused them.

In all his planning he never envisioned that he would be left with the mourners, that it would be his heart ripped into two at a brother’s betrayal and sacrifice. It was only witnessing the broken-hearted sobbing of Michelangelo, the helpless silence of Raphael, the despair in his human friends, and the absence of complete awareness in Splinter’s eyes that caused him to finally understand how completely selfish, and foolish, his plan was.

It was pathetic how he could ever think that those treasured moments that were spent in the past week could suffice as an adequate goodbye. Because while Don had not taken the time to give them individual goodbyes as he had, Leo knew that even if that had occurred, that if it had been Don who sought each of his family members to give them a final positive memory, Leo would have felt it was not enough. That seventeen years of positive and personal memories were not enough of his beautifully tender brother, whose genius and sassy mind deserved more years than he was given. Leo wanted an infinity of years with Don, with all of his brothers and his father, and to cut it short was a crime against nature.

He had known his plan had been foolish almost from the get-go, but he had still went with it. He had stupidly, blindly, allowed Karai to manipulate him until he thought that the only way to protect his family had been to sacrifice himself and then he’d be absolved of all his sins. Listening to the recording over and over again had only brought to light just how right Donnie had been, and how very wrong he was. He could play those words of his brother over and over again, it wouldn’t be enough.

It would never be enough.

He only allowed himself to listen to it two more times before he placed it down and moved the mouse that was in front of him. With a little flick, the flying stars that had been moving across the screens to disappear and the desktop came into view.

Don hadn’t been the most…organized turtle in the universe when it came to his belongings. He just had so much to do and so little time to do it, he didn’t always put things in an orderly fashion. He had an eidetic memory, though, and always knew where he placed things down. He had his own personal organization, which was chaotic but worked for someone with a brilliant mind as his. His desktop showed that, with folders and programs icons splattered across the many, many screens in a way that was sure only to make sense in his brother’s mind. So it had taken a cool minute for Leo to locate the proper file name his brother had indicated. As he searched, he pondered the meaning after the name ‘Aspidochelone’ and how appropriate it was in this situation. In some cultures, an Aspidochelone was in reference to the World Turtle, a giant turtle that bore the world on its back. When Don had told him about it, he had stated that he thought it had pertain perfectly to Leo, who, like Atlas, held their troubles on his shoulders and refused to let them fall anywhere else. The eldest had smiled at the beautiful allegory his brother had painted, but secretly thought that the myth concerned Don more than him. He was just the leader of their group, Don had the rest of their troubles to hold up, their home, their health and wellbeing, and their sanity. They would never have had the safety and security they currently possess had it not been their brother, who figured out their financial situation, their transportation woes, and almost everything else that came their way. Donnie was the World Turtle, who kept their family buoyant in this turbulent sea called life. It would be very difficult, if not impossible, for them to stay afloat now without him.

There was another deviated version that Leo had remembered that had felt like a kick in the gut. Europeans had reduced the myth to just an island turtle, who would bait sailors into thinking it’s lush and rocky back was land and once those weary sailors tie their boats and climb onto the back of the turtle, it would sink down into the depths and kill the inhabitants of the turtle island. That is exactly what Donnie had done. He had tricked his opponents into thinking he was someone he was not and he then had sunk down and destroyed them all after the bait had already been taken. Only the turtle in the myth wasn’t supposed to succumb to the same trap as his victims.

A few more tears escaped from his eyes and he didn’t try to wipe them away. He had finally found the file he was looking for, in the right corner of the second largest screen. He took a shaky breath and clicked on the file.

It prompted him to put in a password and he typed ‘gomen’nasai’ with ease. It was ‘I’m Sorry’ in Japanese, and it caused a knot to form in the pit of Leo’s stomach. He hadn’t a clue as to why his brother would have used those words as a password.

Until the file opened up.

He had only a moment to glance at the hundreds, if not thousands of documents that resided in the file before the opening of it had triggered a video prompt that started playing immediately.

Leo sat back in disbelief as the video, which had started with a black screen before the camera was moved and a slightly blurry Donatello came into view. Leo was glad it had taken a moment for Don to apparently adjust the lens because Leo had been too stunned by the sudden appearance of his recently deceased brother to take in what he might have wanted to say. A soft curse suddenly came out of the speakers that made Leo jump before the image sharpened himself and Leo could see his brother clearly.

Tears formed in his eyes again as he drunk in the image of his brother, but he didn’t allow them to fall this time. He wanted to be able to hear these words his brother had to tell him, his words of goodbye.

 _“Uh, hi, hello,”_ the Donnie in the video spoke, his voice shy and it had been endearing enough to allow a smile to grace Leo’s lips as he watched his brother fumble with the camera one more time before he settled back in a chair similar to the one Leo was sitting in. He watched as his brother took a collecting breath and the mood turned almost instantly with the seriousness that had settled in and removing the natural nerves of someone who has been raised to not draw attention to themselves.

 _“This video will not be a fun video. This is my ‘goodbye’ video, my swan song, if you will. If it is being played, it means that I’m…”_ Don looked hesitant before he squared his shoulders again and continued. _“It means I’m no longer there. And if I am still there, and just in another room, you better stop this video,_ Michelangelo _, or you are going to_ wish _I was dead.”_

The chuckle came out unbridled and it took a second for him to collect himself and listen to what his brother was saying.

 _“-and stay out, you twerp!”_ Don’s voice was aggressive as he finished his verbal rampage of their trickster of a brother. Soon the seriousness returned and Don settled down. _“I first want to apologize. I assure you, whatever happened to me, it was not intentional and I never wanted it to happen. I would never abandon you guys, whether in death or any other means.”_

Leo furrowed his forehead. What did Donnie mean by ‘any other means?’ The question had to be placed into the back of his mind as his brother continued.

_“I also wanted to let you guys know it was none of you guys’ fault. So please don’t blame yourselves, or allow your perceived faults drag you down into despair. You need each other now, more than ever, and don’t ignore each other in your grief. Please!”_

The way Donnie had begged that, it made him sound like he knew exactly what was going to happen, and Leo was floored at how perceptive his brother really was. They hadn’t even been able to mourn the first few hours without there already being a verbal fight.

 _“You need to stick together, you need to stay a family. You need each other, and I know it will be hard,”_ Don’s voice broke a little there. _“We are a collective, we are a group, it won’t feel right without the missing piece, but you guys need to try to make yourselves whole again, to stay together and still be a family. I need you guys to do that for me, for this family.”_ The pleading in his brother’s voice tore at him, making his wounded heart bleed anew.

Don looked down on the screen, to something that was on the desk that wasn’t in line with the camera but then quickly looked back up at the camera, his eyes bright with unshed tears. _“There are so many things I want to say to you guys. Secrets, wishes, just stupid thoughts. So many things I wanted to do, with you and on my own that’ll never happen. But we weren’t born into this world, we were created, and thus have had to pay that price to never truly belong here.”_

The bitterness was palpable in his brother’s voice, and Leo knew, out of all of them, that Donnie had borne the need for living in the shadow and never being accepted into normal society the hardest. He was a brilliant mind that had longed to do so much in the world, but would have never been allowed.

_“I left individual videos, messages for each of you to peruse when you are ready. I know that they aren’t enough, they aren’t as good as the real thing, but I did the best I could with the resources I have.”_

Oh, Donnie-boy, Leo thought. He had so little resources but made silk out of a sow’s ear regardless.

 _“The rest of information is things you’d might need to survive without me. Plans, blueprints, lists, etc. I know it might be difficult, but I know you aren’t complete idiots,”_ the chuckle was watery, _“Even you, Mikey. I’m sure you could understand some of this stuff if you put some effort into it.”_

Don paused again, as if he was trying gather courage to continue.

 _“I just want you guys to know that I love you guys, more than you can possibly know. That had my love for you had been enough, I would still be there with you.”_ The tears started to fall from Don’s eyes and there was no way he could allow his brother to cry alone, even if it was just a video copy of him. _“My life spent with you was a full one, regardless of the wishes and dreams still left unfinished. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything, and I find myself blessed to have known you all, to have lived and fight beside you, and called you my brothers and my father.”_ The tears turned into rivers on both sides of the screen and Don’s final image was a blur. He could barely make out the brown eyes that were baring into his soul.

 _“’Do not stand at my grave and weep,’”_ Don whispered, _“’I am not there; I do not sleep.’”_

The video ended, but Leo couldn’t look away. He had recognized that last quote from a poem that April had introduced to them. She had given him a poem on great classic and contemporary female poets and Leo had enjoyed it greatly. Don had always been available when he wanted to share this particular interest in literature, but he didn’t remember giving him that book. He must have pursued that information on his own.

Just like the other information that he had acquired today, it seemed appropriate. They could find a piece of Don everywhere, his lab, the appliances in the kitchen, the vehicles they drove. If they were to go out on patrol, they would pass up spots that would give them memories of their brother, whether it was from a fight or dumpster diving. They probably wouldn’t be able to look at a tree without remembering how Don had climbed one at Casey’s farm and had gotten his shell stuck between two tight branches.  Libraries would never be safe again because they’d always remember when they would sneak into one every now and then and allow Don to browse the shelves for new information and watch the look of pure bliss that would settle on his face. Every corner would have a story, every machine would have a memory, and they would be surrounded by their brother despite his absence.

Before he could think on it further, the video minimized itself and he finally found he had access to those thousands of files he had only a glimpse of before. The folder was massive, filled with so much information he felt like his head was about to spin. He was by no means a computer expert, in fact he had a slight fear of them for they never seemed to want to work for him like they did his brother, but he knew enough to know that these were not recent additions. Some of these files dated back for years, to when Don first started making computers and saving data. This must have been an accumulation of information throughout the years, all put together for their use incase anything had happened to Donatello, a failsafe way to get them information.

Leo wondered how long his brother had this back up. The video wasn’t recent, that much he knew. There had been a fresh wound on his brother’s collar bone that had since been turned into a light scar. If Leo’s memory served him well, it had happened almost a year ago. Even if he hadn’t noticed that minor detail, the background of the video had been from the last lair. Don’s old lab, to be exact. His brother had a goodbye video at the ready in case anything had happened to him and that only made his sadness that much deeper.

He clicked through some of the files at random. It had _everything_. There were mock ups for battle plans, blueprints for both the new and old Battleshell, sewer maps of suggested other lairs, etc. There was even a detailed blueprint for bionic appendages, in case any of them had lost a limb. It included the medical means necessary to do an amputation and the material they needed to recreate these drawings.

It had journal entries, ground plans, and audio recordings. Years and years of research, all at their disposal.

Maybe Don’s middle name was ‘worry wart’ after all?

Everything was catching his attention, and he had wanted to go through every little bit his brother had left for them, including that video Don had said he had recorded specifically for him, but he decided to try and start with the newest information first, to see exactly what his brother had done to prepare for his final battle.

When he found it, the information had been… overwhelming.

He had thought of _everything._

Where he had gotten the explosives, where exactly he had to place them to minimize the damage to surrounding buildings, demolition style. He had disabled every single camera in the surrounding area for four hours, set them all to loops as not to draw any unwanted attention. He had evacuation plans in place on how to get people out of the building. Don had even had set it up so all the animals that had been used in the laboratories to be secretly moved to another facility days before the impending explosion. If Leo had read the memos correctly, Don had hacked into the Foot’s bank accounts and used the money to pay off random scientists to squirrel away the poor test subjects out and that an anonymous call was set to be sent out on an untraceable server to report the illegal use of animals for biological weapons testing.  Leo shouldn’t have been surprised at the ingenuity and aforethought his brother had, but he still was. So Don hadn’t just blown up a building full of innocents. He had tried to get the least deserving of death out, at least.

What had really drawn Leo’s attention was the plans of a device that looked like a trigger. As he read through the plan, he felt his heart skip a beat, then start pounding even harder.

It was a trigger, all right. A specially designed dead-man’s switch.

But he had never heard of a _delayed_ dead-man’s switch before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait…what?
> 
> Chapter title from the song by Faith Hill.


	8. Chapter 7 - Fall Back Into My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say when someone is about to die, their life flashes right before their eyes.
> 
> What Donatello saw when he dropped the switch wasn’t flashes but full blown memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ~~This chapter is unbeta’d cuz my poor beta is burned out. It will probably updated Sunday.~~ This is a super long chapter, but I don’t think you’d guys will mind.
> 
> EDIT 3/17/2015: Beta'd!

Chapter 7 – Fall Back Into My Life

-o-

“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.”

– Joshua Graham

-o-

They say when someone is about to die, their life flashes right before their eyes.

What Donatello saw when he dropped the switch wasn’t flashes but full blown memories.

-o-

_He wasn’t supposed to be out of bed. Leatherhead had been adamant about allowing Donatello to get plenty of rest and his family had taken that advice to heart. It had been only three days since they returned from Nevada, but Don was already going crazy from being cooped up in his room. He knew part of it was because of the forced inactivity. He hated not being able to be up and about, even if it was just to sit on a stool and work on a very minor project. Another reason was the low-grade fever he had been wrestling with since the transformation. Fevers had always made him restless. It had been a pain in the shell when he had gotten them as a child, and Splinter would spend half the time chasing him down instead of tucking him in because he would refuse to lay down._

_Donnie had been under twenty-four hour surveillance to ensure that once he got into bed he stayed there. It had been Mikey’s turn, who conked out after the first two hours of his shift. They were all tired from their ordeal in finding him a cure (and Don was sure they were leaving something out, but he never had enough stamina to try and do a real interrogation) and Don had been lucky enough to slip away while his younger brother started bagging some major zzz’s._

_Don was starting to have nightmares every time he slept. He was sure that some of them were fever induced, but they were scary none the less. The others came from real fears. Some of the time, it was the memories of the alternate universe he had visited, of his doomed brothers and the world that should never had existed. He saw his brothers die over and over. The only plus he felt about having them watch over him so closely is that every time he woke up from that dream, one of them was at the ready to comfort him. They never knew what the dreams were about, they didn’t ask and Don didn’t divulge, but just their mere presence comforted him enough to return to sleep. Most of them had been flashbacks to a few short months ago when their last lair was completely demolished by the return of Karai as the Shredder. It had been his biggest fear as a child, that someone would come into their home and take one of them away. It was twice now that they had had their home taken away from an evil outside force and to say that he was a little paranoid would be an understatement._

_So that’s the reason for Don sneaking out of his room, under his brother’s not so watchful eye, and escaped into the garage, where he had set up all the extra security system equipment he hadn’t been able to put up yet with the whole mess with the outbreak and his own nasty illness prior to the mutation. He knew his family had been diligent in making sure that no one followed them and with the minimum security he had been able to install was regularly checked, Don just couldn’t let the thought go, especially if they seemed to be preoccupied in protecting him._

_He needed to protect them for a change._

_Don sat on the wonderfully cool floor (his fever must have went up another degree) and started tinkering with some of the surveillance cameras, checking and rechecking the wiring since they had been found thrown out behind a warehouse after they installed a new system and could possibly have damage due to the lack of care in which they were thrown into the dumpster. Of course, as turtle luck would have it, he only gotten through two of them before he felt a shadow fall over him and he looked up to see his hot-tempered brother frowning down at him._

_“And what do you think you’re doing?” Raph’s voice came out as a growl and Don couldn’t help but flinch. He gave what he thought was a winning smile but was pretty sure it looked like a wince instead._

_“Um… sleep walking?” It was such a Mikey response that it caused Raphael to widen his eyes. There was a twitch at the side of his mouth, as if he was fighting off a smile, but that had only lasted for a moment before it straightened out._

_“Yeah,” he said, continuing his perusal of his younger brother, who continued to look sheepishly up at him. “I can see that.”_

_Don could feel his cheeks color the longer the larger turtle looked at him, but he refused give in before Raph started making demands. He had such little control over things as of late, he wanted what little victories he could muster._

_“You having those lair invasion dreams again?” Raph finally said, his face no longer in a glower, but more pensive. Don blinked. While he hadn’t told them about the future dream, he had mentioned to Leo the other day about reliving the last time their lair was destroyed. His eldest brother must have passed it along to the others, probably as a forewarning for future nightmares._

_Don closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. “I know it might seem ridiculous. I sure thought so when I was a kid.” Don’s fear of infiltrating forces had been well-known as a child, probably stemmed from Splinter’s teachings and telling them he was training them in ninjutsu in case they were ever attacked. Since they were so rarely out of the sewers as children, Don had taken it to mean that the fight would be brought to them, in their own home. “I kept on saying that my fears were irrational and that no one was going to try to hurt us… but…”_

_“But then they did,” came Raph’s soft reply, and Don nodded._

_“Twice. It’s been twice now someone has destroyed our home in hopes to destroy us.” Don looked down at the camera in his hand, moving one of the wires in place. “I just… I don’t want to take another chance. The third time may really be the charm. I don’t want you guys to be caught unaware. Especially since right now I’m such a lia-“_

_Suddenly, the camera was ripped out of his hands none-too-gently and he had a face full of angry brother staring back at him._

_“If you say you’re a liability or,” Raph spat out, his rage shining bright in his eyes, “or a damn burden, I will stuff this camera right down your throat and_ then _I’ll make a liability out of you!”_

_That had been another one of Don’s issues. He knew he wasn’t the best warrior, and that he wasn’t the best person to watch their backs. He was always the one that had his back watched, because either he was doing his science or mechanical thing to get them or others out of trouble, or he was the one that got hurt or-_

_But no matter how much Don put himself down, about his ninja skills or what not, his brothers were his biggest cheerleaders. It didn’t matter what happens or whose fault it was, they always encouraged him and pushed him._

_Tears of gratitude and embarrassment sprung to Donatello’s eyes, his weakened body not allowing him the control over his emotions he usually had. His throat closed and he swallowed convulsively, trying to clear the sudden flood of emotion that was choking him._

_Raphael, his most brutish and sometimes inflexible brother, seemed to understand without any words and gave him a partial grin. The camera was placed back into Donatello’s hands much gentler than it had been taken away, and Don was grateful to see that the not-so-sturdy piece of equipment had survived the manhandling of it. He was a little surprised at the return of the camera, for he was sure that Raph was about to haul him back to bed, but instead of grabbing onto his brother and dragging him out of garage, Raph plopped himself down beside his brother and picked up another camera._

_Raphael wasn’t the most tech savvy of their brothers (in fact, only Leo was worse, who couldn’t be trusted to boil water at times) but he did understand the mechanics of machinery and his years of handling sais had made his hands very nimble.  Small items were not necessarily his forte, since his lack of patience often hindered him in such delicate tasks, but it seemed that Raph was willing to learn._

_“So, what am I looking for?” Raph asked, holding up the camera in his hand, trying to get a closer look at what he was working on._

_Don blinked at him. “Are you sure you want to be doing this?” He had to ask, he didn’t want his brothers to feel like they had to do things just because of pity. Raph gave him a glare._

_“You wanna go to bed immediately?” he threatened, “’Cause I figured you ditched Mikey for a reason and if we want you to get any sleep any time soon, I might as well help you with this.” He waved his hand at the pile of camera parts that were before them. “If we can knock this stuff out of the park, the faster I can get you back in bed. And then we’ll both be happy.”_

_Don really didn’t look like he was going to be happy in being sent back to bed, but the thought of his brother wanting to help him, even with a task that he knew he would have some difficulties with, warmed Don up, and this time, he knew it wasn’t the fever’s doing._

-o-

As the trigger started to fall to the floor, the Foot ninjas around him followed, placing their hands over their heads, bracing themselves for an expected explosion.

While everyone else was preoccupied with the supposed immediate threat of detonation, Donatello was already running. He didn’t even falter in his steps as he quickly pulled the katana the Elite Soldier’s neck, wanting to preserve his brother’s swords. He hastily started towards the western wall, where a long row of windows which were now cleared from Foot ninjas, who had all dropped to the ground. But there was one enemy who did not seem at all perturbed by the imminent threat, and it had been his biggest obstacle of them all.

Karai stood from her place on the throne and before Don could even register, five or six throwing stars were coming at him in quick successions.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to duck all of them.

-o-

_The situation was highly embarrassing for the both of them. The fever that was ravaging Don’s body went to an all-time high and he was by far too weak to even attempt an escape from the confines of his bed. They kept on trying to replenish all the liquid he was sweating out, but after a few hours, he finally stopped sweating and April stated that that was much worse. So she told them that aside from the fever reducing medicine that Don had once cooked up designed for mutant turtles, they needed to give him a sponge bath to try and abate the rising temperature. Splinter, their go-to being that dealt with touchy situations like this, was asleep, so it was Leo who graciously volunteered to try the method April proposed._

_Don had tried to protest, stating that he could do it himself, but when Leo gave him the wash cloth that had been soaked with lukewarm water, he could only hold it up for a second before it slipped out of his hands and landed wetly on his chest. Don looked away in embarrassment and self-loathing as his brother silently picked up the cloth and started applying the water to his head, where the fever burned the hottest. Don had to admit, even if it was only to himself, that the cooler water felt really nice against his heated skin._

_Leo was exceedingly gentle in his ministrations, making sure that there was enough water on the cloth, but not letting the water drip everywhere and leave uncomfortable pools. He ran the cloth along his skin in gentle strokes, alternating between circles and swipes, depending on the body part. He didn’t try to talk over the embarrassment, he instinctively knew it wouldn’t have helped the situation. They were all close, to be sure. They had to be, having lived in such close quarters since their hatching and living in the shadows since their mutation. They had shared a bed once, a little pile of mutated turtles that tried to keep what warmth they could muster in their normally cool bodies. They had also bathed together, when they were still small enough to fit them all in a tub, but it had been years since they had been allowed such intimacies. They were now teenagers and that came with all the typical hormonal and uncomfortable things that came with it._

_What he did do was hum a little, a tuneless sound that was both soothing and slightly funny. It calmed Don down enough to not be tense after the first few strokes of the wash cloth. He started from top to bottom, spreading the slowly cooling water all around his dome of a head to his face and down to his neck. Don was still slightly embarrassed about the treatment, hating that he had to be washed down like a baby, but figured it was still better than them dumping him in the tub, which would have been the next step. He was actually starting to enjoy the strokes and swirls of the cloth, soothing his spirit as well as his fever.  Even Leo was starting to relax, and continued to hum his little tuneless ditty as he swirls and swipes._

_When he pauses a second when he got to the upper inside of Don’s right arm, the younger brother hadn’t even notice at first, because the pause was so short and he hadn’t stopped humming. He did noticed that the humming suddenly stopped when it got to Don’s chest and the smooth motions became slightly jerky. After a few moments of this, Don turned his head back to his brother, who was staring intently at his plastron with a sour look on his face. Donnie, whose vision was blurred slightly due to the fever, couldn’t for the life of him figure out what had caused his brother’s sudden change in demeanor. As weak as he was, he couldn’t pass up a chance to solve a puzzle._

_“Leo?” The name came out more like a croak rather than a word, but it was enough to get his brother to stop looking at his chest and turn to eyes upward towards his face._

_“Yes, Donnie?” Leo asked, his voice quiet. His eyes maybe looking at Don’s face, but they refused to meet his eyes._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_Leo shrugged, trying to play off whatever had upset him. “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” His voice remained soft and he continued his motions, being sure that his movements were now consistent. Don wasn’t buying it and continued to watch his brother, making sure he felt the heat of his stare._

_Apparently it worked, because Leo sighed slightly before he continued. “It’s just, I want to make sure these puncture wounds are properly cleaned.”_

_Puncture wounds? Don looked down at his chest, and after a few minutes of perusal, he finally saw what his brother was talking about. Right there on his plastron were several new marks splattered across his chest. They were tiny, so Don wasn’t surprised he hadn’t noticed them before, but he was curious as to why they were there._

_“Oh,” Don stated, lifting one of his heavy feeling hands and ran a finger over one of the marks. He could barely feel the indent in his plastron, it was so miniscule. “Did that happen when they were injecting me with the antidote? I don’t remember.”_

_Leo’s answer was silence and that was enough to let Don know that that was a ‘no’ on the injection site theory. Leo was quiet for a few more moments, and the fevered turtle was about to inquire again when Leo spoke up._

_“No,” Leo said, his voice hard and full of pain. “Those were where I hit you with the tranquilizer darts after you escaped when they transferred you to the new holding cell.”_

_Oh, Don thought._ Oh. _He had nothing to say to that, but Leo didn’t seem to require a comment._

_“Leatherhead tried to detain you, but you had grown too powerful. You’re body was breaking down, but you were fighting it, just like you fight everything, right up until the bitter end.” Leo’s voice was brittle now, like pre-shattered glass, and it hurt Don to hear his strong and stoic brother sound so vulnerable._

_“Bishop had given the order to_ terminate _you,” Leo said, his voice breaking at that horrible word. “I had no choice, I had to use the tranq gun or he would have killed you before we even had a chance to find a cure.”_

_Don moved his hand from his chest and tried to catch it onto his brother’s shoulders, but his aim was off and it landed at his side. Leo quickly grabbed the appendage and held it tightly in his hands. “Leo,” he started to say, but Leonardo cut him off, not allowing him to speak until he said his peace._

_“I used the tranq gun on you. The very same one you built for those mutated monsters that Bishop created, and I turned it on you. Everything we used to help you or capture you, had been your creation. Even the antidote was mostly your work. Leatherhead said he was able to input the missing components to Stockman’s equations based on your research. None of this could have been done without you, and we had to use your weapons against you!”_

_Don felt the pain of his brother’s impassioned response deep into his core. He could sympathize at how difficult it was for his family to have to go through the ordeal of him both transforming and deterioration. He remembered when the very same brother, who was holding onto his hand like a lifeline, had been thrown through April’s window and the touch-and-go they had to deal with his health afterwards. It had been a scary experience, not knowing if their big brother was going to live or die._

_He could appreciate the differences between the two cases. He just couldn’t imagine being the one behind a weapon meant for others and then shooting it at his own brother. To use something a brother had created and turned it on him, despite his good intentions._

_It had to have been a hard burden to bear._

_“I’m so sorry, Leo,” Donatello whispered, “I’m so sorry for putting you guys through that. I hadn’t-“ Don swallowed thickly, “I never imagined a simple scratch could do that. Had I realized-“_

_The blue-masked turtle cut him off before he could utter another word. “No,” Leo said, his voice much stronger and full of conviction. This was the turtle Don was used to. “No. Nobody blames you in the slightest, Donnie. It never even entered our minds, and don’t you dare utter another apology, because we won’t hear it.”_

_It was an argument that Don wouldn’t have been able to win even if he had been feeling well, but now the fever and the general mess of this ordeal has drained him enough to not even contest his brother’s words. He just gave him what he was sure a little loopy smile._

_“Okay, Leo,” Don whispered, closing his eyes just as he saw that amused smile come across Leonardo’s face._

_“Wow,” Leo stated, the humor was back in his voice, “No argument.” Don wasn’t the most confrontational of the group, but he liked a good verbal debate every once in a while. One of Don’s favorite arguments had always started when someone told Don not to do something. “You_ must _be tired.”_

_Don stuck his tongue out, which was the extent of his debating abilities at the moment. The ill turtle kept his eyes closed as he heard his brother’s answering chuckle and not a moment later, he felt the cooled liquid of the cloth get put back onto his fevered skin. The awkwardness had finally dissipated and Donatello was able to fall asleep before the bath was even finished._

-o-

Don spun around, trying to avoid majority of the shurikens coming towards him. He couldn’t avoid the first one, which embedded itself in his right arm just below the shoulder. The second one came at his face and he was able to narrowly avoid it, though he did feel the sting of the slice it left on his cheek. He heard two ‘thunks’ as two of them landed, one right after the other, on his shell, but he was able to miss the rest.

He completed his turn, doing a complete three-hundred and sixty spin, using his momentum to raise up the katana that was still in his hand. As he came back around, he launched the sword at the throne like a throwing knife.

He didn’t blink, didn’t pause as he watch her be caught off guard by his brother’s katana being propelled at her and she moved only enough for it not to pierce her neck. Donatello’s aim was still true, though, and the sword caught the female Foot clan leader at her exposed underarm The force in which Don had thrown the katana caused it to go all the way through and pin the Shredder to her wooden throne.

-o-

_“One. Two. Strike.”_

_A labored breath exhaled._

_“One. Two. Strike.”_

_A bead of sweat dropped into the folds of a mask._

_“One. Two. Strike.”_

_A joint popped loudly and a hiss of pain answered._

_“One. Two. Strike.”_

_Pain radiated from a weak knee and lip was bit to stop an expletive from breaking his beak._

_“One. Tw-“_

_A Bo clattered to the ground followed by a body. The expletive was let loose, quickly followed by other more colorful ones as the turtle laid prone on the floor, his body overly tired and in pain._

_Don stared at the Bo that laid no three feet from him, but it might as well have been three miles for the amount of effort it was going to take him to grab at it. So he allowed himself to lay in a prone position on the cool mats in dojo for a moment as he tried to get his breathing and his muscles under control before leveling himself up to get at least to his hands and knees. He held that position for a few more moments, feeling like he wanted to quit and being ashamed of it. Finally, he lifted himself up to he was at least upright on his knees so he could grab the Bo, thinking he could use it to help lift himself up, but when he turned his eyes to where he had last seen the weapon, he found it was no longer there._

_Actually, it was there, it was just now being held upright by an orange masked turtle. Don blinked owlish at the new comer, surprised he hadn’t noticed his brother’s entrance. Don looked up at his brother, who was giving him an unreadable expression. There was a shared silent as both brothers watched each other.  Finally, a stern look crossed Michelangelo’s face. Don gulped._

_“Um, hi?” Don said, suddenly remembering he had been banned from the dojo._

_“You know,” Mikey stated, “I should tell Splinter you’ve been sneaking into the dojo.”_

_But instead, his brother held out his hand to give him a lift up and Don smiled gratefully as held onto the appendage and felt his brother easily bring him, and not letting him go as Don swayed slight. Once he was steady, Don let go of his brother’s hand and reached for his Bo, but it was swiftly placed out of his immediate reach. The sheepish smile on his face faltered._

_“Can I have my Bo back, please?” Don asked politely, but already guessed what the answer was._

_“What?” Mikey replied. “So you can just drop both of you on the ground, again? The Bo is sensitive, dude, you hurt its feelings every time you drop it. You should be more careful with your buddies.”_

_Donnie’s eyes narrowed slightly, not really appreciating the humor his brother was trying to infuse into the situation. “Just because you act like your weapons are your pals, doesn’t mean I hold my own in the same esteem.”_

_Mike gave a dramatic gasp and brought the Bo closer to his body and covered the top with both hands as if he was trying to cover the weapon’s ears. “How dare you? Splinter says we should be one with our weapons, and since I have feelings,_ they _have feelings.” The younger turtle turned to the staff and cooed at it. “Its okay, Newton, he didn’t mean it.”_

_Don’s eye twitched, which was a regular occurrence when he was around this particular brother. “You named my staff after Isaac Newton?”_

_There was a mischievous gleam in Mikey’s eyes as he answered._

_“No, after the cookie.”_

_“Mikey!” Don gave an exasperated shout. “Just give me back my weapon. I still have twenty-seven more kata’s to complete.”_

_The mischievous look disappeared and it was replaced by that unreadable look again. “I think you are mistaken,” Mikey said calmly. “You finished your kata’s today.”_

_“I know how to count, Mikey,” Don said and lunged for his Bo, only it to be easily brought out of his reach. “I clearly have-“_

_“I don’t think I’m making myself clear, dude.” This time there was some bite to Michelangelo’s words, enough for Donnie to start paying attention as he continued to try and get around his brother to grab his weapon. “You’ve_ finished _for the day.”_

_The youngest turtle’s voice sounded very reminiscent of their eldest brother. Don stopped trying to reach for his Bo, because one, he was starting to feel dizzy trying to retain possession, and two, Mikey’s surprisingly authoritative voice stopped him naturally. If Mikey had thought that just using Leo’s tone would make him bend easily to his will, he had another thing coming. He crossed his arms in a huff and tried to stare down his brother, who was usually easily susceptible to it. It would appear that they were at a deadlock, because Mike just stared back._

_After a few moments, Don found him wavering in his stare but not his anger, and he turned away, moving to the other side of the dojo._

_“Fine,” he said, and as quickly as he could got into a fighting stance. “I’ll practice my unarmed katas.” Without further delay, he started doing a fairly easy one, though it still made him feel like he was trying to do the moves while in a tub of molasses. His movements were sloppy and his punches lacked the energy to even knock down a leaf. His limbs started to shake slightly and the pain started to travel from his knee to the rest of his leg. But he steadfastly continued on, ignoring the turtle standing on the other side watching. He completed maybe ten full katas before the pull of his brother’s eyes finally forced him to look and the sight stopped him short._

_Tears were streaming down his little brother’s face, which was crunched up in an effort to stop the sobs from coming out. Don’s arms dropped to his sides and he nearly toppled out of his stance._

_For a second Don thought he was faking it, trying to guilt trip him into stopping, but he soon realized that this was the real thing. Fake tears were loud and boisterous from the start. His real ones started off quiet and he always tried to hold back at first. Don’s first instinct was to rush to his brother to comfort but he was rooted to the spot. His exhaustion and frustration anchored him to the mat, but it would appear that Mikey hadn’t minded him not coming immediately to his aid. He just continued to stare at his brother and Don felt his heart plummet._

_“Oh, Mikey,” he said softly._

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Mikey used the back of the hand that was not holding up the wooden weapon to wipe his face. “I know you’re frustrated, that you want to get back to how things were, but you can’t do this to yourself. You can’t push yourself to your limits anymore, Don.”_

_Because that was Don’s MO. After a bout of sickness or injury, Don had always tried to push himself, to catch up with his brothers, to prove that he wasn’t weak._

_“But I’m so behind, Mikey.” Don tried to plead with him. “I need to catch up.”_

_Mikey gave one last angry rub against his eyes before he started towards his brother, trying to stay in control of his emotions. “But you can’t this time! Not like this?”_

_“Why not?” Don tried to keep his voice level as to not draw any more unwanted attention. He felt his chest swell with indignation._

_“Because you almost died this time!” Mikey shouted, having no qualms what-so-ever about being heard. “And if you keep this up, you still could!”_

_“Mike-“_

_“Do you know how scared I was?” Mikey shouted over him, “How scared we all were? You were the only person who could have fixed you! We couldn’t do anything! We had to go to that stupid creepy place to fix you! I don’t want go there ever again!”_

_The pang in Don’s heart grew deeper and he felt his frustration start to slip away. “Oh, Mikey,” Don said softly, feeling his shoulders start to slump in defeat. “I’m so sorry I made you guys go to Bishop’s base.”_

_There was a snort and then suddenly Don had an armful of Mikey to deal with. He felt his brother’s strong arms encircle him and he felt a sudden relief._

_“You idiot,” Mikey said, his voice still sounded stuffy from his tears, “It wasn’t the physical place, it was that mind place.” The arms tightened and warmed Don up considerably. “I never want to imagine you going where I can’t follow.”_

_Don found the strength in him to hug his brother back and he held onto him with all of his might. They stayed that way for several moments before Don let out a sniff of his own and backed out of his brother’s embrace. He gave Mikey another sheepish smile and said, “How about we go work out my thumb muscles? What game do you want to play?”_

_Mikey’s eyes light up and he gave a gleeful look at his older brother. “GoldenEye!”_

_Don gave a long suffering sigh that was entirely for show and allowed his brother to pull him out of the dojo, after dropping his Bo off on the weapons rack, and moved towards the video game to get his ass whooped by the orange-masked turtle._

-o-

The whole process had taken six precious seconds for his escape. He had given himself only twenty seconds to get to his evacuation spot, because he hadn’t wanted to give Karai or any of her minions a chance to jump ship once they realized there wasn’t an immediate explosion. But they were on the top of the tower, there were very little options in the escape department that didn’t involve the helicopter. (But Don had left a ‘dynamite’ of a surprise under that puppy, so even if they got to it, it would blow up at the same time as the rest of his explosives.)

So there were virtually no escape route left, except for the one Don was about to take.

Don’s luck held out and all of the Foot soldiers at the west wall were still on the ground from earlier, befuddled at the lack of immediate explosion and blasting pain. He quickly flew over them, knowing his time was about to expire, that the real detonation was about to happen. He didn’t even pause when he grabbed a pole that held a banner with the Foot Clan insignia on it. He just effortlessly lifted it out with the ease of someone who had years of Bo staff training, and crashed through the window with his left shoulder.

The window broke effortlessness and he landed in a roll. He only had ten feet of ledge to work with and now probably had the attention of his enemies, who have just realized they had not died in a fiery blast just yet. He looked back, seeing the black-clad ninjas start to rise and he backed up until he was almost back through the broken window. Then he burst forward, feeling the ghosts of fingers try to grab him and he used the pole as a vault and lifted himself into the air and flew off of the top of Oroku Saki Tower.

He heard nothing but the wind whistling by him and the rush of his own blood in his ears. For a moment, he allowed him just to feel himself free falling before his instinct kicked in and he realized that he was far enough of the building to start trying to slow his descent.  As quickly as he could, he ripped the banner from the pole and let the cylindrical object fall from his grasp, hoping that wherever it fell, it would be away from living things. As soon as his hands were free from the pole, he maneuvered the banner so that he could grasp the ends width wide and let the air and his momentum allow the banner to open up like a small parachute.

Don knew that the cloth was too small and he was too heavy to make it an effective parachute, but the wind resistance did slow him down slightly and allowed him to have semi control of where he landed. And there, right in front of him, was a high-priced apartment building one block away from the Saki Tower, several stories shorter, and held his target landing area.

A heated swimming pool.

He felt time slow as he drew closer and closer to the building, calculating visually his distance, his now decelerated rate of descent, and his changed weight with the missing katana. He started to panic slightly when he realized that he would be slightly short, that he would either land on the concrete on the side of the pool or the side of the building. He tried to quickly think of a way to change his variables to get on the right track when a sound cut through the wind and the blood to explode in his ear.

The bombs had finally detonated and a second later Don felt the shockwave hit him from behind, miraculously pushing him forward enough for him to stick his landing.

As he saw the pool loom closer he readied himself, so once he was only a few feet away from belly flopping into the warm water, he let go of his ‘chute’ and turned. He stretched his limbs out as much as possible as he felt his shell it the water and the sting settled throughout his body as landed back first into the water. He sank quickly, and felt a bone jarring jolt as his shell and limbs hit the bottom of the pool, but he had slowed his moment enough so that it only stung and dazed him for a moment and not break anything. He stayed under as long as he felt was possible, which was actually shorter than he would have liked or normally capably, but he had failed to get a good enough breath before entering the water.

When he did finally rise to the surface, he expelled any water he had left in his mouth and took in a large lungful of air. He coughed and sputtered for a moment and shook his ringing head before he moved to the edge of the pool and climbed exhaustedly out. He stay kneeling down for a moment before he finally raised his head and saw… dust. Nothing but dust. The tower that had eclipsed every building in a ten block radius was no longer there.

He did it. He actually did it. It was done. Everything he had worked hard this whole week had actually paid off. Karai was dead, now buried in a thousand tons of building material and broken machinery. He had pinned her down with his brother’s own sword, the same brother she had tricked to try and lead him to his own death. He felt it was just deserts. And perhaps even more miraculous, he survived it. He knew his calculations were mostly on point, but calculations were still only a theory until they were proven with physical testing.

He gave himself just a moment to let out a whoop before he reached down in Leo’s belt and pulled out his shellcell, intent to share the good news. He knew he was about to get the yelling of a lifetime, and would probably never see the outside of their lair ever again, but at the moment, that sounded wonderful. He was tired and achy, and just wanted a warm bath that he hadn’t fallen into.

But as he tried to turn on the device, he noticed something amiss. He pressed the on switch again, and again, but his phone wouldn’t cooperate. He looked back at the pool, wondering if that had caused the malfunction, but he had created a very hefty machine that was supposed to withstand water at a certain level and the pool had been well within its range. It took him a moment of deep thinking, something that was starting to become extremely difficult as his adrenaline that he had been running on these past few hours was starting to dwindle, before he realized what was wrong.

The bombs. The electromagnetic pulse from the explosion must have shorted out his circuit in his phone and thus rendered it useless. He allowed himself a moment of weakness, where tapped the now dead shellcell against his forehead none too gently before he lifted himself up and headed to the elevator towards the left side of the roof. He moved slowly, his body aching and tired from his little adventure. Otherwise, he would have just taken the stares and not put himself in the position to be easily caught as someone else wanting to ride the elevator, but he was a genius, after all, who had a way with machines. As soon as the elevator came to the roof, he got in as quickly as he could and opened the wiring panel before the doors even closed. He rigged the elevator to go to one floor and one floor only: the underground parking structure of this building.

It was also where he had parked the shellcycle.

He enjoyed the ride down from the roof, eyeing the camera nestled in the corner, but knew it was still looping from earlier. The ride was nice, but slow, and in the time it took for him to go from the top floor to the bottom had left him as immobile enough to start to feel the stiffening of his limbs and his head to start becoming cloudy with inactivity. He needed to get out of there fast, get to his family, and let him know he was okay.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, the lift made it to the bottom floor and Don, as quickly as he could, shifted to the side to hide himself in case anyone was in the parking garage. After making sure the coast was still clear, Don stiffly walked out of the elevator and moved to the storage closet that housed the cycle. He eased in and turned on the light, smiling gratefully at the familiar sight of the bike he had built for his brother. He knelt down to unlock the safety mechanism he had put in just in case someone came across the bike before he got back, but that proved to be a mistake, because as soon as he finished and tried to lift himself up, a wave of dizziness hit him and he fell back, landing on his butt.

“Oh,” he let out, looking at his hands, and seeing six fingers to each hand instead of the usual three. “That’s not good.”

He voice sounded far off and he knew that he didn’t have much time. His energy reserves were completely depleted now. There was no way for him to drive the bike back home. He had to do something though, to let his family know that he was okay.

He meant to hit the distress button on the bike, something he knew Raph would probably never use but was grateful for it anyway. He meant to try and get up again, but he found himself leaning back and resting his achy head against the cool concrete. He would lay down just a moment, he decided. He was just going to rest a moment, then he was going to get up, and get out of here.

He was just going to close his eyes, just for a moment.

Just for a moment…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, no more games. Donnie is alive. I know I already played with y’all’s hearts already, I’m not going to do any more…okay, I am going to do more, because they still have the reunions to go through. The drama is not over, though, cuz here comes the fall-out (sorta?) Donnie and Leo need to have a little heart to heart, and I’m sure their family has a few things to say about all this.
> 
> Ehehehehe.
> 
> Chapter title is from the song by Amber Pacific.


	9. Chapter 8 - Dare You To Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello returns to the land of the living, and seeks out to do one final confrontation before returning home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so thrilled with the response of this fic, particularly the last chapter. It’s been fantastic to read all of your reviews and comments and I enjoyed each and every one of them. Thank you! In this chapter, we finally have a reunion that is desperately needed by both them and us. 
> 
> Beta’d by the wonderful Kamerer220.

Chapter 8 – Dare You To Move

-o-

“…My strength is an illusion; my calm masks a storm…”  
\- Unknown

-o-

_ A warm furry hand pressed itself against his fevered forehead, something that has happened so many times before. It had been the one comforting thing in all of his times of illness or injury, the steadfast presence of his doting father. Because then, it didn’t matter if he couldn’t complete a kata, or that the words he said went over the aging rat’s head. Here, he was just a son receiving love from a father. _

_ “I was so worried about you, my son,” Splinter told him gently, his thumb rubbing circles right above his brow. “You worried your brother’s and I greatly.” _

_ “I’m sorry,” Donnie had murmured, burrowing in further into the warmth of the covers surrounding him. He was in Splinter’s room, usually only when he was very, very sick was he placed in his father’s bed to heal. He guessed this was one of those times. _

_ Splinter made no comment on the apology, only used his thumb to caress the brow of the intelligent turtle in a gentle motion. Don was almost lulled back into sleep with the movement but then his father spoke again. _

_ “We are so very glad you are back with us.” The voice, usually very strong and steady, revealed a small quiver, a crack in his father’s armor, allowing the genius a view of the turmoil he father had gone through during his transformation. It caused a wave of sadness to wash over him and he opened his mouth to apologize, yet again, when the ninja master cut him off. “Now we need you to wake up, my son.” _

_ “What?” Don felt his forehead wrinkle. What did Master Splinter mean? He was awake. _

_ “Donatello, your brothers have need of you,” Splinter said urgently. His voice was still gentle but insistent. “ _ I  _ have need of you. Wake up, Donatello, and come back to us.” _

_ This was not how it went, Donnie thought. He barely remembered this conversation, which had taken place just a few hours after they had returned home from Nevada, but he remembered enough to know that his father had talked about him getting better, not waking up. _

_ And in that moment, Don realized that this wasn’t a flask back. This was a dream. _

Don awoke. 

Instantaneously, he missed the warmth of his father’s dream room as he realized he was lying on the cold concrete floor of the storage room. A shiver ran through his body and a groan escaped his lips as he rose up to a sitting position, trying to clear his head. He tried to gage how long he had been out, and based on the stiffness of his limbs and the way the bruises were forming on his appendages from the fight with Karai and subsequent flight from the building that it had been many hours, if not almost a whole day, since he received them.

That thought had made his heart pound in realization. His family! They must have thought he was dead by now for sure! He got up quickly, too quickly. He was forced to grab onto the seat of the bike otherwise he would have fallen headfirst to the ground from the dizziness. He was still feeling the effects of his little adventure, and he was still so tired despite the hours he spend asleep, but now his adrenaline was running high. He had to get to his family and let them know that he was alright. He climbed on the bike ungracefully and checked the mini-clock on the dash and was surprised that he still had almost a whole half an hour before sunset. He settled in the seat for a second, blinking, before he eased himself off. 

It wasn’t safe for him to go just yet. As much as he had wanted go to his family and let them know that he was okay, he had to wait. He’ll wait until the sun goes down, then he’ll have to sneak out. As reality finally settled itself on him and he wasn’t suffering from the mind clouding panic of earlier, he was able to recognize the situation he was in and able to plan it out. His fail-safes were now gone. He had set the cameras only for a period of a few hours and they were supposed to go back to normal before someone realized he had tampered with it. Hopefully everyone was still too busy with the mess of the collapsed building next door to even worry about the glitches the security cameras in the surrounding area had. 

So now that he had a moment to reflect, he decided to use his time wisely. The aches and pains were drawing his attention greatly now, and every move his right arm made he could still feel the pull of the shuriken still embedded. 

How he was able to sleep with it in was beyond him, but he quickly made that his first priority. The mutagen in their blood sped up their healing process, but Don had always been different from his brothers in that aspect. Whether it was because he had been exposed to it longer or shorter than his brothers, his immune system had always been worse than theirs, which would account for all of the bouts of illness he had in his youth. It was a blessing in his current situation, which meant his body hadn’t already started to heal around the foreign object and he was able to pull it out with relative ease. 

He had only basic supplies with him, something that he had required to be carried at all times in the Shellcycle. Even if he had enough medical supplies to fill a hospital, he wouldn’t be able to stitch his own arm based on the location of his injury. So he just wrapped it up as best as he could and dry swallowed a pain pill, just to dull the edge. The whole process took up two thirds of his time, and he just made himself to wait for those last moments and allowed his mind to wonder. 

A dangerous thing indeed, since his mind went immediately to his family, who he was sure were in a lot of pain at the moment. There was a tightness in his chest at that thought. All those dreams he’s had in the past year, all from that living nightmare he had had to endure, had cultivated a deep-seeded fear of hurting his family, and look at what he had done! All because of his stupidity and weakness. Had he thought about the stupid electromagnetic waves and its effect on his technology, he would have been able to get in touch with his family hours ago. If he hadn’t succumbed to sleep, he would have been able to tell them in person. Now the damage he had to repair was worse than before, and he thoroughly will have deserved every reprimand his family will give him. 

How could he have been so ignorant of their feelings when he had started this mission, when it had been his driving force for so many months? He had taken extra precautions to ensure that  _ that _ future never happened. He never let up, not even after the Utrom Shredder’s defeat. His fear of disappearing and the subsequent destruction of his family only grew stronger, and he built a defense for that, creating a database of information they would need to know. He knew it wasn’t the best substitute, but if he could put all his information and thoughts into it, maybe, just maybe, it would be good enough to keep them together until they learned to live without him. 

If something happened to him, they just had to be able to live without him. He couldn’t bear it if his destruction meant the downfall of them.

He shook his head, trying to get those thoughts out. They weren’t productive at the moment and besides, he could fix this easier if he could just get out of here and talk to them. With one enemy down, the likelihood of that happening just became slimmer. 

He looked down at the clock, realizing the sun had set almost ten minutes before and he now was able to make his way home. He got his gear together and exited the storage room with the bike. 

It had taken some maneuvering, and a lot of ninja skill to avoid all of the cameras in the garage. But he had memorized all the blind spots so now, if anyone had watched, they would only see a shadow and no substance and before long, Don was out of the garage and down the street, still moving the bike in the shadows before getting on the bike and driving away. 

As soon as he started the engine, he had turned on the GPS unit on the cycle. They were raised in the underbelly of this city and it would be a rare occasion for them to need a map to find their way around it, so he hadn’t needed it for directional purposes. Instead, he had installed it for emergency protocol, a tracking system. Each of their Shellcells had GPS chips in them and they were all keyed into the software Donnie was currently using. Immediately he was able to tell that all of the dots were congregating in one area, the lair. All of them, except one.

Don watched the blue dot that he had set to be Leo’s set itself apart from the others and finally stop a few short blocks away. He slowed the bike at a corner and came to a stop, contemplating his next move. He was anxious to get home and let them know he was okay, desperately so, but he felt that he couldn’t turn down the opportunity fate had given him. There was still some things he needed to talk with Leo about, some truths that needed to be told before the chaos that was sure to ensue when he came home took over. 

So Don turned the cycle to the left, away from home and towards the blue dot. 

-o-

The air was chilly and it would have burned Leonardo’s lungs, had he been able to take a deep enough breath. His chest still felt tight, as it has been for the past eighteen or so hours since he awoke in the dojo. He just allowed the shallower breaths to enter his body, accepting the fact that he would probably have to live like this for a while, if not for the rest of his life. There was now a Donatello size hole in his chest and he doubted it would ever be filled.

He had only been up on the roof for a few minutes, having head out of the lair as soon as the sun set. He had wanted to see the visual damage done by Donnie in person and not on the many updated news reports that had come in all day. Saki Tower was completely demolished, as the news had said, and the buildings that had once surrounded it now looked taller, more inviting. It had been a building that had taken away the brightness of the city, and many people came forward and said that they were glad for its destruction, though they had been sure to express their condolences to the lives that were lost.

Which, despite what initial reports had stated, was not as many as they had thought. As it turns out, there had been a silent evacuation at least fifteen minutes before the detonation. All the floors had sounded an alarm except for the top one, and all the scientists and lab worker had cleared the building before the explosions went off. They had scattered upon exiting the building, not wanting to be caught in the aftermath, thus causing the media to put out a false report of no survivors. It had taken hours for police and officials to find enough people get a straight answer out of.

Leo was still bitter about that. He could hear Don’s age old rant on how the ethics of journalism were going down the drain and that he missed the unbiased and non-rushed reporting from years before. Leo had laughed then, because Don had been only a toddler when he first starting paying attention to the news. He wasn’t laughing now. 

Bad journalism still didn’t mean that Don hadn’t perished along with the Karai and the other Foot ninjas, however. Too much time had passed for Leo to have any other conclusion. He had been right when he told Mikey that Don would have tried to get in contact if he could, Don wouldn’t have wanted his family to worry about him. That he was sure of.

He hadn’t been idle in the hours between sun up and sun down. Aside from the news reports, he had caught up with some of the information he found on Don’s desktop. The journal entries had been extremely enlightening.

Leo thought he knew his brainy brother, that his brother had been a mostly open book for them to pursue if they had wanted to.  As it turns out, there had been a whole new level to his brother he had come to understand in these past few hours. Whatever understanding he had gained, he knew it was far too late to do anything but add yet another thing to mourn, a lost opportunity to connect with his brother.

He watched the changed skyline as he fingered the purple bandana that he had placed on his right wrist. A motorcycle’s engine ripped through the quiet night but he barely heard it as he thought back to how he had acquired it. He had gone to check on his father, sure that he’d find him still nearly comatose, but had found him alert and surprisingly relaxed. Leo noted the pot of tea next to him that was still warm and realized that somebody, either April or Raph, had brought the old rat something while Leo had still been in Don’s lab. He guessed they had put something in his tea and brushed it off. He was just grateful for the look of alertness in those eyes and he had found it in himself to smile at his father. Master Splinter had smiled back and thanked his son for his attentiveness, but assured him that he was alright. When Leo said he had wanted to check out the damage personally, a strange look crossed his father’s face and the purple mask, which had taken up residence on his warm lap was suddenly placed in his hands. 

_ “I have a feeling,” Splinter said as he enclosed Leo’s fist around the material, looking into his son’s shocked face, “that you have more need of this than I.” _

So Leo had accepted it, but refused to put it on his face. He was still maskless, unwilling to put on one of his extra masks. So he wrapped the cloth on his wrist, so he could always see it and have a visual reminder of his brother, though he knew he would never forget that brilliant brother of his. He would go to the end of days thinking about him, as he should.

He looked back up and took in another shallow breath. He wanted to get a closer look at the wreckage, which the reports had said been much neater than they had expected. Leo knew, though, that that hadn’t been a coincidence. Don had planned it perfectly, and the building had more imploded than exploded. He was just starting to move to the next rooftop when his ninja senses kicked in and felt a presence behind him. He hadn’t brought any obvious weapons with him, for he knew that the remaining Foot Clan members were too busy trying to get out of the city than to try and extract vengeance, but he still had a few throwing stars and smoke pellets at his disposal. So he put his hand to his belt, ready to extract either one or both items and turned to confront the person behind him.

Only to find it was himself. Or, at least, what looked like himself.

The being in front of him was a turtle of the mutant variety, with his blue mask and gear. Only this one had a slash on his face, a makeshift bandage on his right arm and the scabbards on his back was missing a katana. The turtle looked exhausted, clearly having been in a great battle. 

For a moment, Leo thought it was an illusion, but he could feel the presence of the other ‘Leonardo,’ could faintly hear the rough breathing of him, and knew that they were there.

Leo’s heart started to pound, a dangerous idea started to form in his head, but had to be sure before he let it run wild. He didn’t want his hopes to get up.

“Are you a spirit come to haunt me?” He inquired, only half joking. 

The turtle in front of him narrowed his eyes skeptically and Leo knew before they had opened his mouth who the turtle was.

“I’m not a spiritual person, Leo,” Donatello said. “The chances of me transforming into an apparition from the other side after my death is highly improbable.”

The band that had tightened around Leonardo’s chest suddenly released and the light feeling that fell upon him caused Leo to fall to his knees in relief.

“Oh, thank God,” he uttered softly, and allowed himself a full deep breath for the first time that day.

Don stared as Leo fell to his knees and thanked a deity he didn’t even believe in. Instinctively, he wanted to rush to his brother to make sure he was okay. He wanted to comfort his brother for the obvious heartache he had caused him. The pain of having thought one lost a brother was not a small thing and Don had known it very well. But right now he was still sore, from the fight, the flight, and having to scale the side of the building to get to this rooftop. He was exhausted despite his long sleep and angry. He was furious.

As he stared at the thankful look on his brother’s face, he felt his anger grow to monstrous proportions. He realized that all of this, this pain, this hurt, this stupid plan, would have never had happened if Leo could just stop playing the martyr for them. If Leo would stop being so stupidly and selfishly selfless, he would be home right now, with his family, and not have caused a world of hurt to fall upon them needlessly.

The rational side of Don, which was admittedly strong, knew he was being a little silly and a lot unfair, that he had to be held accountable for his own part he played in this, but he didn’t feel like being fair or not silly at the moment. Right now his anger, which had been building up for weeks, for months, for years, was taking over his thought process and it stilled his feet, stopping him from consoling his brother in his time of need. 

So he waited him out, letting his fury boil in his blood unseen. He watched as Leo’s shoulders stop heaving in his silent sobs of relief. 

It took a cool minute for Leo to get his initial reaction under control, though he figured it was understandable considering what had all transpired. Going from thinking one’s brother was dead and having undeniable proof that he wasn’t suddenly stare at them in their face was a heady experience. So when he finally got those emotions control, he assessed the situation and found it worrisome.

He looked back up to where his brother was standing (standing there, alive. His brother was  _ alive _ ) and saw that he hadn’t moved an inch. Don wasn’t standing in his normal stance, which was usually relaxed and slightly hunched from years of laboring over keyboards and engines. He was standing rigid and straight back, even if he was listing slightly to his left side. His mouth was set to a grim line instead of his usual smile and his fists were clenched tight.

Oh, Leo thought, he was  _ angry _ .

That thought brought him up short. Why was he so angry? 

“Are you okay?” Leo finally found his voice, and said the first thing he could think of: his brother’s well-being. He looked over the obvious wounds on his brother’s body and found that none of them were life threatening, but he had just survived a bomb blast. Who knew want wonky things were wrong with him that he couldn’t see.

“I’ll live.” Don’s words were short and clipped, his tone cold. Leo narrowed his eyes at the attitude, knowing from experience that it didn’t bode well for the conversation ahead.

“Geez, Don,” Leo said as he got himself back to his feet. “We thought you had  _ died _ !”

Don’s visage wavered slightly, and Leo was able to see a moment of guilt and regret before it was squashed down and that cold, calculating mask that Leo hated to be on the receiving end of replaced it. The intoxicating relief that had filled him just moments before started to fade and Leo realized that his own anger was starting to pool at the pit of his stomach and was currently working its way up. Anger over his brother doing something stupid like almost getting himself blown up, for allowing them to think he was dead, for…

For taking his place in a battle that he had no business in butting into. It had been his duty to protect the family in this manner. Don was supposed to stay home and keep the family together, not get into harm’s way, and live the rest of his days building amazing technology that will change the world. It’s not his job to rush headlong into battle and kill himself doing something stupid. That had always been his job, his purpose. 

Just as that anger start to rise and those angry thoughts start flooding in, another one joined in, a truth that he had only known for a few hours. He had read Don’s journals, seen his information, and knew, without a doubt, what had motivated him to something so reckless and so unlike him. 

Leo learned that he couldn’t place someone in a box and expect them to fit perfectly, nor could he expect them to thank him for it. He realized that they had been doing that to Don for years, and especially in the past few months. They treated him like he was weak and needed protecting, taking away his ability to choose his path for himself, and expected him to stay their quiet little genius forever and never feel the need to prove himself in areas they never expected from him.

It didn’t mean it made him any less angry for his transgressions, he just understood them all too well. It allowed him to control his emotions, because he had a feeling that Don wouldn’t be as lenient in his words as he was willing to be and Leo was more willing to be the level-headed brother this time around. Besides, he was sure he deserved every sharp-witted word his brother threw at him.

“Did everything go as planned?” Leo asked, fighting the urge to walk to his brother. He was unarmed, and while Don wasn’t a master swordsman, he didn’t want to give his brother to give into the temptation of showing how much he had improved in the past week. 

Don gave a curt nod. “All of the upper level Foot Clan members have died along with-“ Don paused, just for a moment before continuing, his voice stronger. “The Shredder.”

Leo felt himself twitch at the name but didn’t comment immediately. He stared at his brother and he almost could see the anger coming off of him in waves. He decided to mention the elephant in the proverbial room and see how things played out.

“You are angry.” Just a simple statement, with almost no bite to it. Almost.

“ _ Yes _ .” Now that was all bite, and it was as sharp as the retort was short.

“Even though you were the one who ran off and nearly got yourself blown up,” Leo said through clenched teeth. “And let everyone think that you were dead for almost a full day afterwards?”

An aborted flinch, just a tick, moved Don’s mouth but his eyes stayed as hard as glass.

“It was exactly what you planned to do, wasn’t it?” Don spat out. “You planned on just walking in and having a good ole’ fight with the Shredder, to prove you’re better than her. And actually had set out precautions in case you didn’t return. You don’t have the high road here, Leo.”

“Well, at least I wasn’t willing to drug my own brother to get my way,” Leo found himself saying, realizing he was still very angry about the incident. Mostly, he knew, was because he hadn’t anticipated it.

“’ _ I can’t apologize for something I felt, and still feel, like it was the right thing to do, _ ’” Don quoted to me. “Those were your exact words, wasn’t it?” 

Leo didn’t say anything as his own words were repeated back to him. This was how Don operated, after all. He had expected it.

“You had more in mind than just babying me, didn’t you? You had your own mission in mind when you told me that. So don’t get on your high horse and say your plan was any better for the family than mine was! You made it very clear that you refuse to make apologies for what you do to protect the family, and the same goes for me!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you guys know sooner that I was okay! That’s my bad! But I refuse to apologize when you forced my hand!”

“You could have said something!” Leo found himself yelling, unable to back down. “You could have gone to Splinter or the other guys and done something else but put yourself in danger!”

“But it’s okay if you do it?” Don’s voice was cold, it had lost all the heat. Leo knew they were moving into new territory. “It’s okay for the great Fearless Leader to run off and get himself killed, but poor, broken Donatello can’t?”

The bitterness in his brother’s voice stunned Leo in disbelief. Did his brother really think-?

“Nobody said you were broken,” Leo stated, quieter than his earlier words, and that much easier to be ignored.

“You don’t have to!” Don screamed. “You show it every time you overlook me for a mission or dismiss my assistance!”

The anger seemed to give him energy and he started to pace. 

“Sure, I’m a great guy to talk strategy with, but when it’s time to execute it, you pick one of the other two, like I haven’t been training under the same master for seventeen years, same as you, same as them. You guys all treat me like I’m spun glass, a weakling that I’ll break if I’m handled wrong!”

Leo tried to interject but was cut off before he could even get the words out of his open mouth.

“I know I’m not the best fighter, okay?” Don said, his voice now had a frantic tone to it, and it was starting to make Leo even more worried than he was before. “I know that compared to you guys, I’m little better than dung, but I’m useful, right? I’ve proven that I can least keep up and allow my intelligence to make up for what I lack in skill. Is it so difficult for you guys to realize that?”

“Wait, are you saying you did this because you wanted to prove yourself?” Leo asked in disbelief. “That you were  _ jealous _ ?”

Don paused in his pacing for a second to look at his brother. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve been jealous of you for  _ years _ and never even thought of doing something like this,” he said, before starting his pacing again. “And I won’t deny that was part of the motivation behind this, and probably a bigger part than I had anticipated, but no. I didn’t do this because of my ego, or my hurt feelings. I did this because  _ you _ always do this!”

“I do not-“ Leo started to defend himself, but quick like lightning, Donatello was in his face and Leo could  _ smell _ the rage off of him. 

“Yes, you do.” Don’s voice was quiet now, in cold anger, and Leo knew that nothing he said at that moment would be heard. “Yes, you do. You always do. You always,  _ always _ , try to do what you think is best, what you think is right for us!”

“I didn’t realize being there for my family was such a punishable offense.” Leo’s own voice was cold and Don gave him that look. That look that had always made Leo felt stupid and small, like he had said the stupidest thing in the world that his brainy brother couldn’t believe something so stupid could be said with the same air he breathed in. Leo really hated that look.

“For us, Leo,” Don stated, “Always  _ for _ us. Never with us. You think you are always right, that your way is the only way to do it because you are leader and the older brother. You feel like you know better and therefore we should just follow your lead. Because you are right, most of the time. You are so infuriating right that it its actually problematic because on the rare occasions that you are wrong, you are  _ very _ wrong. And because you are so used to being right that you can’t recognize when you are in the wrong, and you won’t listen to reason.”

“And this was supposed to be your voice of reason?” Leo countered, scoffing slightly. “You were willing to get yourself killed because you thought I was  _ wrong _ ?”

“Yes!” Don screamed. He had backed up a few feet at this point, so he was no longer in his brother’s face. It might as well be a few hundred feet, for as much as he felt he could get to him. “Because whatever anger you feel right now at me, whatever fear and pain you feel I have caused you, we have felt it tenfold! Raph, Mikey, Master Splinter, we’ve all felt it over and over again, every time you put it upon yourself to take our destiny into  _ your _ hands without consulting us. Every time you try to sacrifice yourself for our wellbeing, it  _ hurts _ , Leo. It hurts knowing that you are so willing to die for us that we think you’d rather do that than  _ live _ for us. You are so willing to throw yourself in front of every bullet aimed at our family that you take in no thought on how  _ we _ feel, or what we have to say!”

Leonardo stared at his brother, at his impassioned defense, and felt him being swayed. 

“I’m so sorry for the pain I caused, I’m so sorry for making you worry, for drugging you into submission, but I’d do it again. I’ll continue to do it again, and again, until you get it into your thick skull that we don’t want a leader who will die for us.” Don started at him, tears in his eyes. “You have proven time and again that you are willing to die for us, Leo. But you need to understand something also. I’m not only willing to die for you, I’m willing to  _ kill _ for you. I am willing to strike down any and everyone who gets in my way to make sure you are safe.”

Something jolted in Leo. To have his peaceable brother, who detested violence, admit he was willing to kill for him had set his nerves on end while also warming his heart. He never wanted this brother to ever have that kind of blood on his hands, but they lived in a world where that kind of ideal was not possible. They lived in the shadow, away from eyes that might seek to harm them. It was never safe to venture out less they are unable to return. To hear his brother state his willingness to kill for him did something to him that he was sure was akin to how they felt whenever he claimed to be willing to die for them. It left a sour taste in his mouth.

He let the silence fall over them for a moment as they both regarded each other. Finally Leo spoke up again.

“And how did you know that Karai wasn’t going to keep her word?” Leo asked his brother. “What made you think that I couldn’t win against her?”

“Because,” Donatello looked at him, the weariness evident in his quiet voice, “You are still calling her Karai. You still think of her as the daughter of the Shredder, but she has proven time and again that she  _ is _ the Shredder now, not some scared little girl fighting the authority of her father. As long as you were going to walk into that building thinking that, you were going to lose.”

“The day I found out about your plan, I was nearly ambushed by the Foot in the junkyard,” Don said, and quickly warded off a comment by Leo, who moved to interject. “I know I wasn’t supposed to be out on my own, trust me. But my point still stands. She was willing to either injure or capture me to make sure you went through with what she had bargained. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the whole thing was a ruse.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Leo whispered, feeling kind of blown away to know he would have lost his brother a different time in the past week. 

“I was going to,” Don said, his voice a lot calmer. “I had every intention of coming to you and tell you, and I was going to accept whatever punishment you or Master Splinter handed out, because I would have so justly deserve it. But when I went to your room to tell you…”

“You found the note.” It wasn’t a question. That had to be the only way his brother could have found out, because he had been foolish to think it was safe enough in his own room with nosy brothers such as this one. 

“Yes,” Don stated, “I would not have gone looking for it otherwise.” He was trying to assure his brother of his trustworthiness, but they both knew that they had other issues to deal with before that could be addressed. “But I got angry when I read it.”

“I noticed,” Leo said dryly. Angry enough to drug him and take his place. 

“After what she did to our family the last time we met, or at least  _ I _ met her.” Don gave him a look and Leo realized that yet another secret had been revealed, probably by Karai herself, but Don continued on, obviously willing to table that discussion for now to get his point across. “I had no reason to trust her intentions.”

“So it had nothing to do with that alternate dimension you went to,” Leo said quietly and saw Donnie jerk his head in his direction. The pain in his younger brother’s eyes was so raw and so thick that he instantly regretted mentioning it. He had been shocked, to say the least, at the information he had gained from his brother’s computer. The detailed account that Don had hid from them about what had happened when the Ultimate Drako sat heavy on Leo’s mind as he had waited for the sun to set. It had made things that had bugged him the past year about his quiet little brother make so much sense. The reluctance to venture out by himself when he had previously enjoyed the solitude, the obsession with Mikey’s arm and his and Raph’s eyes, and Splinter’s health, the nightmares of Don screaming ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘it’s my fault’ that had happened during his recovery from the outbreak. They had all been answered when Leo pursued the information Don had left. It was the reason for the goodbye message and why all the new information was inputted into the system. They were all for them to try and survive without him. Leo knew he would have to talk to Donnie about that, sooner rather than later, but right now, he had other fish to fry.

“I see April was able to give you the passcode,” Don said, his face struggling to keep his emotions in check, but he was failing miserably. 

Leo nodded and took a deep breath. “I know that experience must have been horrible.’

“The worst,” Don whispered, looking away. 

“But that was a different place, Donnie,” Leo said, coming a step closer. “You couldn’t be sure that that Karai had the same mind as this one.”

“Yes, I could.” Don’s voice was still a whisper, the cool air making his breath visible. “She had all of her higher up Foot ninjas with her, surrounding her. She was putting on a show for her minions.” Don turned and looked Leo in his eyes. “She was never going to uphold her end of the argument. She would have never let you leave that building alive, even if you did win. I saw it in her eyes, heard it in her voice. She wanted all of us dead, and you were just a piece to move on the board. I’m sorry.”

That statement about Karai not keeping her promise should have been a kick in the gut. It had been something he had been counting on when this whole thing began, on her keeping her word. All that planning and preparing had been wasted.

Leo stared at his brother, who until a few moments ago he had thought died and realized that now it didn’t matter. She was dead, at his brother’s own hand, and no longer a threat to his family. His brother was alive and he would bring him home and then they would heal, without her, without the Foot. All those dreams and wishes he had had in the past, the feelings he had for her, they were gone and no longer mattered to him in the grand scheme of things. 

She no longer mattered.

It was time to draw this conversation to a close. Don, though he tried to hide it, was in pain and his limbs were heavy with exhaustion. He was starting to shiver from the elements and Leo knew that the longer they were up here, their family was still grieving needlessly. It was time to placate, for now, and continue this another time.

“You’re right,” Leo said and he could see his brother was taken aback at the quiet admission. “I was stupid, and selfish. I was so intent on saving you guys I didn’t see what it was doing to you, to all of you.”

Don’s shoulders drooped with every admission of guilt, the wind slowly disappearing from his sails. 

“I never imagined that you’d take it as an offense, and that’s  _ my _ fault, not yours.” Leo came closer and placed his hands on his brother’s shoulders. “You should never have felt you needed to stop me. I should have talked to you, to Splinter and the others. I shouldn’t have tried to put your lives in my hands so needlessly, and I’m so sorry.’

Don looked up at his older brother, his eyes shining with emotion and Leo smiled at him. 

“And you are not weak. You are a very strong fighter who has some pretty messed up way of looking at himself. I’ve fought beside you for years, I know exactly what you are capable of.” Leo leaned his head against Donnie so that their foreheads were touching. “Don’t ever doubt your abilities, Donnie, nor your place among us in battle,” Leo said and a near silent sob escaped Don’s lips. “We would never be able to get out of half the trouble we are in if it hadn’t been for you. You are essential, never forget that.”

Don closed his eyes and gave a nod, the turmoil of the past few days was finally taking its toll on him and Leo knew that they had to get out of there fast or he would be dragging his brother down into the sewer.

“C’mon,” Leo said, squeezing the shaking shoulders slightly before letting his brother go. “We better get out of here. I know a few people who are missing your face right now.”

Don smiled, and Leo felt his heart swell at the sight of it. He knew that there were plenty they needed to talk about, but right now, he let it go. The grin still looked a little off and it took a moment for him to realize what it was. Don had started to turn away, to head back down to the street, he assumed, when he stopped him.

“Wait,” Leo said, and as Don paused, Leo reached up and took the blue mask off his brother. Don’s grin turned sheepish and Leo returned it. He quickly put his mask back on his face. He then lifted up his right wrist to his brother’s eye line and heard Don’s intake of breath at the sight of his purple mask wrapped around it. Leo quickly unraveled it, straightened it out, and placed it on his brother’s head for him. He could see the darkening of Don’s cheeks as he blushed, but his grin kept intact. “There, that’s better.”

Don’s smile only grew larger as he looked at his brother and touched the mask with his fingertips.

“Thanks, bro,” he said.

“No,” Leo said, “Thank  _ you _ .” For saving him. For still being alive. For coming back.

Don nodded in understand and finally turned away, heading towards the alley he had left only to be stopped by the loud cry of, “Are those  _ shurikens _ in your shell?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesssssssss. Finally, a reunion. There was going to be more, which includes Don explaining some things to Leo about how he survived. I’ll include a glimpse below, cuz it was hilarious, but it was long enough.
> 
> Now, the next chapter is one of my favorites, and I cannot wait until you guys read it. More reunions occur and some surprising reactions. 
> 
> Chapter title is from the band Switchfoot.
> 
> \----
> 
> “How did you get out of there, anyway,” Leo inquired.
> 
> “Remember that 0.68% chance of survival I was talking about?” Leo looked blankly at him and Don couldn’t help but smile a little. “I jumped out the window.”


	10. Chapter 9 - Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello gets reunited with the rest of his family, though not everything goes as he expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reunion time! I’m sure you will be able to tell, but I really enjoyed this chapter, like, really, really. I really let my headcanons go to work here, and these characters went along with them brilliantly. Guh, so much love. I also suggest if you haven’t read “The Perfect Son” yet, do so before you continue on this chapter. There is a large reference directly from the story and I think it would help you as you read this chapter. 
> 
> Beta’d by the glorious Kamerer220, who is also a great road-trip buddy, fyi.

Chapter 9 – Second Chance

-o-

“All fathers care for their sons.”  
― Master Splinter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

-o-

The ride back to the lair was awkward.

The shurikens were actually easy to remove, but left holes that would take weeks to close. Just viewing them made Leo’s stomach turn horribly. Combining that with his other injuries made Leo put his foot down and forbade Donnie from driving. Don, surprisingly, didn’t argue but gave his brother a smirk, and Leo knew why. With Donnie out of commission, it was up to Leo to drive the Shellcycle home, something he wasn’t entirely comfortable with. The only other option was to ditch the bike and hoof it on foot, and that wasn’t really a choice. Don was in no condition to be walking any distance, much less the forty-something blocks they had between them and their lair, and Raph would murder them in their sleep if they left his baby unattended.

So they made their way back with Leo driving and Don riding behind him. They went a lot slower than the Shellcycle had ever been driven before, but Don didn’t mind. He was starting to feel a little woozy from his earlier stunt and the lack of food he had in his system. He was tired and achy, and appreciated the care Leo was showing in getting them from point A to point B, even though he knew that his condition wasn’t the true reason for the slowness. Leo could drive the Battleshell, but the two wheeled Shellcycle, simply put, terrified him.

They made it to the garage in one piece, however, and Don gingerly hopped off the bike, immensely grateful to be seeing the four walls of the garage again. He took note of every tool, every half-finished project, and his mind spinning with possibilities now that they were down one enemy. What wonders could he build with the free time?

Donatello snapped out of it when he heard Leo call out his name softly. He turned to his eldest brother, who was staring at him with a soft smile on his face.

“C’mon,” Leo said from near the door, where he had moved to while Don had gazed around. Don followed him, albeit at a slower pace. So Leo was still a few feet ahead of him when he his voice rang out into the lair.

“Hey Raph,” Leo said to the seemingly empty space, “I found your bike.”

There was soft click that echoed through their home as a door opened and Don heard Raph’s voice answer.

“What?” Raph sounded confused as he moved out into the main area. Don still couldn’t see him, because Leo had stopped right at the doorway of the garage and the main area, blocking his view. Don didn’t have enough energy to push his brother out of his way so he just blinked lazily at the back of his head.

“Your bike,” Leo said, his voice filled with barely concealed glee. “I found it.”

“Oh,” Raph sounded despondent and Donnie couldn’t blame him. He was sure as much as he loved the Shellcycle, he had other things on his mind. That thought gave Don’s heart a tight squeeze, because he knew exactly what caused that despairing sound to his voice. “I hadn’t realized it was missing.”

Don could just feel the grin radiating off of Leo now, and knew exactly what was going to happen next.

“That’s not the only thing I found,” Leo stated, finally stepping forward and to the side, allowing Don entry into the lair. He also moved forward, giving his brother a better view of him.

At first, Raph didn’t move, didn’t breathe. Donnie wasn’t sure if his immediate older brother was even comprehending what was going on. Finally, he saw his brother move and it was to first blink, then to draw in a deep breath.

“MIKEY!” Raph bellowed, not taking his eyes off of the purple-masked turtle in front of him. “GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!” Then he lunged and Don flinched.

It was only when the arms encircled him and he felt his face get pressed up against his brother’s neck harshly did he finally let out the breath he himself was holding. His arms went up instinctively and returned the hug. The olive-skinned mutant remembered, all too well, the greeting he had gotten from the Future Raph and this was so reminiscent of it that it caused tears to prickle his eyes and start to splash against the emerald skin that was against his face. From the water he felt dripping onto his own shoulder, he knew Raph didn’t mind.

“Oh, it’s you,” Raph whispered to him, his voice thick with emotion. “It really is you.”

“I’m sorry,” Don sobbed, his voiced still muffled because his brother refused release him even an inch. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Shut up and continue hugging me, brainiac.” Raph continued his own embrace. It felt like he tightened it, if at all possible. Don didn’t mind it in the least. His brother smelt like sweat and motor oil. He smelled like home.

A banging noise suddenly echoed through the air, making Donnie jump and almost break their hold, but Raph refused to release him.

“Not yet,” he whispered, Don felt his lips move against neck. “I’m not let you go just yet.”

So Don didn’t move and took comfort in the strong arms he was wrapped up in. The moment only lasted for a few more seconds when he heard his youngest brother’s voice from behind Raph.

“What?” Don heard how raw his voice sounded and a few more tears leaked from his eyes before he finally was able to push away from Raphael. The red-masked turtle reluctantly let go of his brother and turned slightly, allowing Don to get a full view of Michelangelo.

He looked terrible. His mask was slightly askew, damp around the eye holes. His nose looked like it was still running and he probably hadn’t stopped truly crying for hours. Immediately Don worried about his hydration level and wanted to grab a bottle of water for him. At that moment, though, Mikey had seen him as well and stopped himself from wiping his nose mid swipe.

“Donnie,” Mikey breathed disbelieving. Don’s heart stopped at how forlorn his brother looked and moved to his brother.

One minute he was walking towards the orange-masked turtle, his arms opening to give him a hug. The next minute, he was flat on the ground and pain burst from his head. For a brief moment, he thought Mikey had tackled him to the ground and he had hit his head on the floor. Then he realized the pain was radiating from his jaw and not the back of his head. As soon as the room stopped spinning, he looked up and saw Mikey’s clinched fist and the shocked looks coming from the older brothers.

He had punched him.

Mikey had _punched_ him.

Don stared up in disbelief as his attacker loomed over him, his teeth just as clenched as his fist.

“We thought you were dead, you bastard!” Mikey screamed at him, raising his fist as if he was going to punch again, and Don’s arms shot up instinctively to protect himself.

The move had proven to be unnecessary because his other two brothers finally jumped into action. Raph had grabbed Mikey and manhandled him a few feet away, where his fist was no longer in distance, and Leo had knelt down beside Donnie, ready to fall over him to protect him. Don heard rather than saw the furious turtle grapple with Raph, and tried to push Leo away. Leo just swatted his hands down and checked on Don’s jaw.

“Not broken,” Leo said after a minute. By then Mikey was no longer trying to get to Don, though emerald turtle was not letting him go anytime soon.

“Not for the lack of trying,” Mikey grumbled darkly, his eyes shooting darts at the down turtle. Don blinked at that. He had never seen his brother so angry before, not even when Raph had finally followed through with the threat to send one of his sias into Mikey’s favorite comic book. There is one thing that Don did know, though. He certainly deserved it.

“Mikey,” Don started to say as Leo helped him up, “I know you are angry-“

“You bet your green ass, I am.”

Don paused, still taken aback by the venom in that usually happy voice, but then he continued. “I’m so sorry. I meant to come straight back as soon as I got out of there, but I guess the whole ordeal took a lot out of me and I passed out before I could call you guys.”

“An ordeal you could have told us about,” Raph said quietly. He still had a hold on Mikey, and certainly didn’t look like he was letting go anytime soon, but Don knew he was angry as well, now that the initial shock of him still being alive wore off.

“I know, I’m-“ Don started to say but was cut off.

“Save it,” Raph interrupted. “You’ll be plenty sorry, later.”

Don opened his mouth to argue with him, wanting to make sure his brothers knew that his regret was genuine, when someone cleared their throat.

All four heads turned to the sound and they all saw Master Splinter standing there, his ever-present cane placed in front of him and his hands folded on top of it. His body posture was calm and relaxed, perhaps from years of training to appear so, but his eyes were sharp, focused, and Don felt his eyes bore into him directly.

His previous thoughts disappeared from his head as he took in the face of his Sensei. Don looked down at Splinter, his small frame and grey fur surrounded by his worn red robe and dropped to his knees before him, bowing low in reverence.

Don heard Leo hiss behind him at the sudden move, probably afraid he’d injure himself, but he ignored it.

“Master Splinter,” Don addressed him formally, his head still down so it looked like he was addressing the floor. “I want to apologize for my absence. An error on my part prevented me from sharing with you the destruction of our enemy and my survival. I had also ran off without permission to do this dangerous task alone. I know I have hurt your with my actions and I ask for-“

The rest of his speech was cut off by a warm hand placing itself upon his head. Don looked up and saw his teary-eyed father stare down upon him with love and joy.

“My son,” was all Splinter could get out of his mouth before he knelt down also and enclosed his arms around his returned son. Don felt tears drop upon his head as he was pressed against his father’s chest and found his own tears returning. He brought his arms up to also encircle his father and they held each other for a few minutes. Perhaps because they knew the two needed a moment, his three brothers did not join in, though it was usually customary for them to do so. Finally, after Splinter had been able to collect himself, he released his son and straightened up. He turned to the rest of his sons and started to give out orders.

“Raphael, please check Michelangelo’s hand to make sure it is not broken. Leonardo, please help Donatello to my room, and then bring us some tea and something to eat. I’m sure,” Splinter said as he looked back down at Donatello, “that your brother hasn’t eaten in a while.”

Don’s sheepish grin was all the answer he needed and he turned back to his room. Mikey turned promptly and headed to the infirmary, not even looking at the turtle still kneeling on the ground. Raph quickly rubbed Don’s head with affection before following. Don was then lifted up from the ground by Leo for the second time in the past five minutes and was led to Splinter’s room.

A pillow was placed in front of the ninja master for him to kneel or sit on, a courtesy not usually given to wayward turtle sons who take their life into their own hands, but Don knew that it was most likely because of his injuries that he was given this little bit of comfort. Otherwise, he was sure he would be made to kneel for hours as he explained, in detail, exactly what had transpired.

Perhaps that was Leo’s thinking also, for he looked wary about leaving Don alone with his father while he went to make tea.

“Sensei,” Leo spoke as he helped Don down. The younger turtle’s energy was slowly draining and he was grateful for his brother’s assistance. “Maybe this should be put off at another time, and let me tend to Donnie’s wounds. I’m sure he’ll be up for any sort of discussions you have in mind after some rest.”

Splinter smiled at his eldest son. “Believe me, I understand the stress and strain your brother is under, but it is quite obviously that what I have to say to Donatello cannot wait. I have delayed too long in bringing up this discussion and it would do no one good if I postpone it any longer.”

His voice and eyes were gentle when he spoke, but there was still this tone of finality that Leo couldn’t ignore so he bowed low to his father and turned to leave. He took one last look at Don, giving him a smile that let Don know how grateful he was that he was there and left to do Splinter’s bidding. His father turned his eyes upon his remaining son and Don couldn’t hold back his gulp. He knew he was in trouble, and he needed to face it like a turtle. So he squared his shoulders as much as he could (goodness, he was _so_ tired) and faced his father.

“Sensei, I-“ Don started, but it would seem like nobody will let him finish speaking today. A furry hand rose up and instinctively his words died out instantly. He stared at his father, whose gentle and grateful expression had morphed into a stern one, mixed in with what Don thought was sadness. He felt his stomach start to churn. It was the same reaction he always had when he knew he was in trouble with Master Splinter. This sickly feeling that he always wished he would never experience again. Yet, here he was, time and again, learning of his father’s disappointment in him. When will he ever learn?

“As a father,” Splinter began, his voice soft yet it traveled through the room effortlessly, “It is my job to teach you as you grow up and grow older. To teacher you right from wrong, on how to handle certain situations, and how to become your own person.” Splinter looked at him, his eyes shining in the candle light. “I have failed you in this regard.”

Don’s head, which lowed with shame at every word his Master spoke, shot up at that last sentence. “What?” Don cried out, “No! This was all my fault!”

“My son,” Splinter started to say, but Don wasn’t going to let his father take the blame upon himself when it was clearly his, and his alone.

“You are a great father!” Don passionately said, “You are a great teacher! It is not your fault I cannot learn the lessons you have taught me! I know I’m not the perfect student, the perfect son, but those are not your fault! It’s not your fault I cannot execute the moves and-“

“Donatello.” Again, Splinter interrupted him. There was that irrevocability in the elder’s voice again that warned Donnie in not continuing his passionate reply. So he fell silent and bit his lip to stop more words from coming out. As soon as he saw his son would not interrupt again, he continued on. “No, it is quite obvious I failed you in some aspect if you still believe that the only thing I can teach you is based in the dojo.” There was a pause and the sadness in Splinter’s eyes showed in his voice as well. “And that my love and regard for you as a son is based on your abilities as a ninja.”

Donatello felt himself jerk hard at that last remark, surprise very evident upon his face. It wasn’t anything he had ever let known out loud, even in private. This dark and nasty thought. This thought that has plagued since he was old enough to recognize the difference between him and his brothers when it came to ninjutsu. He saw his brothers advance higher and higher, his father giving them the praise they so richly deserved, while he sat in the shadows, trying to play catch up. He felt inferior to them, and had always thought that Splinter saw that too. It was why he tried so hard outside of the dojo, to make sure that the lair was comfortable for his family. Sure, he loved the work, as thankless it was sometimes, and he was gifted in it, more gifted than he had ever shown in his fighting skills, and he wanted to the master of his domain. He wanted no equal. He wanted his father and his brothers to ignore his faults in the dojo, where they were far superior, and praise and be envious of those mechanical skills that kept them safe and warm. As foolish as it sounded, and despite him knowing better, he still felt like he had to earn his father’s love someway when he couldn’t do it by following his father’s footsteps into becoming a great ninja master.

He was sure all those thoughts that flashed through his eyes because Splinter gave an encouraging smile.

“My son,” Splinter said softly, his hand coming to rest on his son’s cheek, something he had done since he was a toddler. “My love for you is boundless and eternal. It does not diminish when you cannot complete a kata to my liking or when you have done something wrong. I apologize if you felt like this was the case. It most assuredly is not. You are not the ‘perfect son,’ as you have so put it, because you are not perfect. As a matter of fact, neither am I. No one is and it is unwise to think that you can become perfect by just following my every order, my every move as precisely as I have.”

Tears welled up in Don’s eyes but he refused to let them drop.

“You, my son, are kind and gentle. You are selfless with your time and selfish with want for knowledge. You are determined and dedicated. You are both easily distracted and have a focus that is unerring. You are not a poor ninja, despite your beliefs. You are a very capable warrior and a very skilled ninja. You are strong where your brothers are weak. You think ten steps ahead while the rest of us can usually only think three. You are patient and observant. You fight not because you want to, or because you are good at it, or even because it is something you feel you have to do. You fight because you love us and want to protect us. You may not have the fastest hands, the strongest kicks, or the most powerful jump, but you try anyway. You never give up. Your determination keeps you upright when your strength fails. Your heart keeps you in pace when your speed lags. Your mind creates the power you need when your muscles gives out. You are Donatello. You are my child. I love both you and your imperfections.”

A sob escaped from the turtle as he leaned forward into his father’s chest and let the tears finally escape. He knew all that. He had to have known all that, but sometimes, one needed to hear it like a thirsty man needed water.

“Whatever your perceived faults are, my son,” Splinter murmured to him, his arm enclosed around his shoulders and cradled him like hadn’t been able to do since he was a boy. “Know that I do not dwell on them and neither should you. You should not let them dictate your actions.”

Don nodded, his face still pressed against his robe. He let out a sniff, slightly horrified at the mere thought of rubbing snot on his father’s clothing, and lifted his head up to look into his father’s forgiving eyes.

“I am assuming that the reason you felt the need to do this mission alone is because you felt you needed to prove yourself to us.”

The turtle nodded again, backing up slightly so he could straighten up. He felt the irrepressible need to explain himself, to give voice to all of his thoughts and fears.

“I thought you all believed I was weak,” he whispered, “I was beginning to think _I_ was weak.” The words came rushing out from the darkness they were hiding in. “You all treated me like I was going to break, every time I got sick or injured. With each passing incident, it would get worse and worse. Then this last time… I understood the risks involved. I understood you guys did it out of love, but I feared it was also out of _pity_.” He said the word as if it were poison, something shameful. “I wanted to be loved, not pitied.”

“And I know,” Don found himself continuing when Splinter made no move to shut him down, “I know it was need the first few months. You were starting to let up again, but so slowly, much slower than before. I know it was serious. I know I needed to be careful, but it was like you guys didn’t trust me to take care of myself, which I know is partly my fault. I hadn’t known the bug scratch would have done that. I had no clue. Nothing I had researched let me come to that conclusion. I know it was a mistake on my part but I always learn from my mistakes.”

Donnie saw Splinter nod, but remained silent. His eyes implored Donnie to continue, so he did.

“Then I found out about Karai’s letter and what Leo was doing.” His voice sounded dark to his own ears and he tried and only partially succeeded in hiding it with his next sentence. “He lectured me to be careful and in the same breath planned to do something reckless and dangerous. I couldn’t handle the hypocrisy.”

He took a shaky breath, almost unable to handle the understanding shining from his father’s eyes. “I wanted to show you that I was not so easily broken and I wanted Leo to understand that we didn’t need him to play the martyr. I was so angry at him, and everyone else that I…”

What does one call going behind his family’s back to take down a criminal organization single handedly because of his anger and lack of self-confidence?

“Rebelled,” Splinter finished for him and Don saw a smile on his father’s face. “You have always been my most surprising son.”

Don blinked at that, unsure how to take it. He knew his father wouldn’t have meant it in a negative way, especially after the speech he had just given, but he could not understand what his father was talking about.

His facial expression must have tipped his father off, who gave a slight chuckle. “You were the first to speak,” he stated. “Did I not tell you that? I did not expect such a small turtle to speak so clearly. How about the time when I came home from scavenge with you fixing our toaster.”

“Or,” Splinter continued, his eyes peering into his son’s with intent, “Never have I seen a temper tantrum so tightly controlled.”

A deep blush fell upon Donatello’s features. He thought he knew where this was going but he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth.

“Even with your fine memory, I wonder if you recall that time when you were about nine.” Splinter looked at his son, who nodded, before he continued. “You had been upset after a bad day at practice and instead of breaking down right then and there, which would have been understandable, you left the lair and aimed your aggressions not at one of your brothers or myself, but at a wall and threw items at it.”

Don remembered the incident vividly. He couldn’t recall he control his father was talking about, all he remembered was the fury and the emotional pain, and wanting something to hurt to match what he was feeling inside.

“When you ran out of things to hit with or throw, you turned to your fists for answers and had no issue injuring yourself while your emotions played out,” Splinter said, and there was a sadness in his voice as he told the tale. “But when the opportunity presented itself for you to hurt someone else, namely me, you refused to do so, even in the state you were in.”

“Do you recall, Donatello, what had made you so angry?”

“Um, yeah,” Don said, his voice quiet with shame, “I was jealous of Leo.”

“Yes,” Splinter said, “You were coming off of a long illness and Leonardo was treating the practice as if it was a final test, or a battle. He gives it his all, as he always had. Leonardo has spirit and control. But he has never had the control over his emotions as you do.”

Splinter smiled down at the confused look on his son’s face and decided to explain further.

“Donatello, you feel emotions as richly and as deeply as each and every one of your siblings, but you hide those feelings, rationalize them away with logic and practice. They do not go away simply because you refuse to feel them. They build up, slowly and vastly, until one day they are too big for you to ignore. Then something happens and they explode out, like a volcano, and because you are so used to _not_ feeling things, you are unable to process those emotions and it becomes like an uncontrollable storm that we all must ride out. It is not safe, nor is it healthy, and I am so sorry for not releasing the pressure sooner.”

“Master Splinter, it’s not your job to help me control my emotions,” Don said, shaking his head at the notion that this was his father’s fault.

“Oh,” Splinter argued, “but it is. As I said before, it is my job as your father to guide you on your journey in this life. You, my son, are so quiet, and so gentle, that it is quite easy to forget the lessons you have taught me at that tender young age. You have a powerful storm that rages within you that must be released properly, or it will grow into something no one, not even you, can control.”

“Are you-“ Don looked at his father in confusion and alarm. “Are you trying to saying that my, my _stunt_ was just a temper tantrum?” What was he, five?

A chuckled filled the room and Don didn’t know if he should feel affronted or foolish.

“A long overdue one, yes,” Splinter said with a smirk. “A lot of things have happened in the past few years since your last… stunt, as you call it. We have been sent from one side of the universe to other, been separated, been abused, and you came through admirably, but not whole. It is my fault for not realizing that just because you are no longer the young little boy I once knew, that you were not completely over your past habits. This could have been avoided had I talked with you, or even just kept a better watch on you.”

“You’ve been watching me _plenty_ in the past few months.”

The words were out of Don’s mouth before he realized it and he found himself slapping his hand over the offending orifice. His tone had been ugly and disrespectful, his words accusing, and the horrified turtle stared up at his father, expecting to see his ears twitch back in irritation, as it always does when he felt his sons were being insolent. Splinter’s facial expression never changed, however. He just merely looked at his son with patience and understanding.

“Yes, we have kept a very close eye on you for your own health,” Splinter said amicably. “You are a gifted doctor, though not by choice, and are very quick to recognize illness and limitations in others, but you are amazingly blind when it comes to yourself. I recognize that we may have been overzealous in our intent to make sure you were safe and healthy, but considering the fact that we-“ Splinter cut himself off before his voice broke with emotion. Don lowered his hands as he watched his father take a deep breath to get his feelings under control. Understanding was starting to blossom in Don’s mind, but chose to wait patiently for his father to continue before voicing his opinion. “It was a very close thing. A father should never have to bury a child.”

The grief in his voice was tangible and the turtle ached at it.

“But you are correct, we kept a very close eye on you, but we had our, what do you call them? Blinders? Yes, blinders on, so to speak. We were so worried about your physical health that we ignored your mental one. And while I cannot apologize for wanting to take my time in seeing you be healthy again, I am sorry for ignoring yet another aspect of you for so long that it has caused this incident.”

Tears formed in Donatello’s eyes as he saw Splinter’s own fall down his face. He didn’t know what his father meant by ‘another aspect’ but he recognized that that wasn’t important at the moment. What was important that the very visible weight he saw was on his father’s shoulders be lifted.

“Master Splin-,” Don started to say, but he paused. “Dad.”

Splinter looked up at his son. It had been years since he has heard this son call him by that name.

“It is true,” Don continued, “that I felt smothered and useless with the way you treated be after the Outbreak, and that while you think my actions were understandable, it does not mean that they were excusable. It was my fault that this happened and I take full responsibility for my actions. It was very wrong of me to take the hard work you put into getting me better and throwing it away because I felt angry or slighted.”

“Of course you were wrong,” Splinter stated simply, taking Don back a little. “I am not so arrogant to take the full blame of what has transpired. What you did was very harmful for your family, and you will be punished, have no doubts about it.”

Don gave a chagrin look as Splinter narrowed his eyes on him. Despite his best efforts, he had been on the receiving end of that look more times than he cared to admit. Regardless, though, Don felt inexplicably lighter, freer, to see that familiar look upon his father’s face instead of the sadness and worry.

“As right as you usually are, my bright boy, you are wrong here, though.” Splinter’s look became less severe. “We all share a fault in this, especially Leonardo. It was, after all, he who planned on facing the Foot on his own first and started spark that caused this forest fire.”

The purple-masked ninja opened his mouth to defend his brother, no doubt proceed to bury himself into a deeper hole, when a knock on the door interrupted him. Speak of the devil…

When Splinter bade him to enter, Leo opened the door and brought in the tea. He swiftly placed the tray that had a few sandwiches added to the pot of tea and tea cups. Don felt himself start to salivate at the sight of the food and tea. While his favorite beverage of choice was coffee, he wouldn’t say no to downing the whole kettle by himself at the moment. He reached over to help Leo set up the tea, in hopes of doing it faster, but his hand was batted away.

“I got this,” Leo said as he placed a cup in front of him and started to pour. “Relax.”

Splinter smiled warmly at his eldest son as he served his brother first, something that went against tradition but was fully supported in that moment. When both beings on the floor had hot cups of tea in the hands and the sandwiches had started to be nibbled on, Leo gave a smile and started to leave but the rat’s voice stalled him.

“I would like for you to join us, Leonardo,” Splinter said, motioning to the extra cups and still sizable plate of sandwiches. Leo paused for a moment before settling down next to Donatello and grabbed a sandwich for himself.

“Thank you, Master Splinter.”

The old mutant watched for a moment as his sons tear into the food as if they hadn’t eaten in a while (which, in all honestly, they haven’t.) As soon as he saw that Donatello looked not as faint and shaky, he addressed his sons again.

“There are more words I wish to say to you,” Splinter started to say as he saw that Donatello looked up at him while Leonardo adverted his eyes, seeming to think that he shouldn’t be listening in to his brother and his father’s conversation. “But those words will have to wait until Donatello is tended to and rested.”

A hand came up and touched the area around the cut on Don’s cheek and the turtle gave a soft wince. Splinter’s whiskers twitched in apology.

“After, I would like both of you to return so I can impart them upon you.”

Leo gave a look of confusion, having not been privy to the previous conversation. Don complied when Leo’s eyes turned to him for clarification.

“Our punishment,” Don said softly between bites and Leo’s face blanched for a moment before moving to a more neutral expression.

“Ah,” Leo deadpanned.  

“What you two did to your family will not be tolerated anymore.” Splinter’s voice was hard as steel, despite his calm visage. “It is a habit I must break you from and trust me, it will be broken.”

Leo opened his mouth to speak, whether for his brother’s defense or his own, but Donnie rested his hand gently on his brother’s arm and the words stopped before they were ever voiced. The eldest turtle turned to the younger with an inquiring look, but Don just gave him smile.

“It’s okay,” Don said, his face spread wide with his toothy grin. “It’s okay now.”

The relieved look on Leo’s face almost made him tear up again, but he blinked them away. Leo used the hand not holding a sandwich to grab hold of Don’s mask tails and let them slide through his fingers. He stared fondly at them a moment before an indistinguishable look crossed his face. Before Don could inquire about it, Leo turned to their father.

“You knew Donnie was alive the last time I talked to you,” Leo said, his voice was filled with a whole lot of wonder and a little bit of accusing. “That’s why you gave his mask. You knew I would find him.”

For a second, Don wanted to remind him that it was actually he who found _him_ , but then the words finally registered and he also looked at his father in shock.

A toying smile played at Splinter’s lips. “I felt that Donatello’s spirit was not yet done with this world. But I could not be certain.” He looked at both of his sons, gaging their reactions before continuing. “I had a feeling that if Donatello was alive, he would seek out you above all others.”

“This was a journey that was started by you, Leonardo,” Splinter said. “It needed to end with you.”

Leo nodded at the sage words.

“This journey is not over yet, Sensei,” Leo claimed, his voice strong. He turned to Donatello, who was there, and alive. “Our journey is nowhere near over.”

Donnie beamed at him, recognizing the words for what they are: a promise for change and an apology. As Splinter said earlier, there would be plenty of time later to share words. Right now, Don just wanted to bask in the warmth that is his family and heal.

“Now,” Splinter said, eyeing both of his sons again. “I think a trip to the infirmary is in order and Donatello, you are banned from the dojo for the foreseeable future.”

The turtle in question groaned, but it was far more good natured than it had been in the past. Leo quickly finished his own sandwich and then helped his brother up. They both gave lopsided bows to their father as they exited.

Before they got out the door, however, they were stopped by a paw on Leo’s shoulder. One second, it was just Leo holding up a still weak Donnie, the next it was a three way hug.

Splinter may be small and fragile looking, but his hug was strong and fierce.

“Don’t scare an old rat like that again,” Splinter said, kissing his sons’ foreheads before releasing them. Both brothers were slightly pink with embarrassed pleasure at the affection and they made muttered promises before finally being able to exit their father’s room.

The trek to the area used as the infirmary was quiet, but an amicable one. Don was grateful for the arms that supported him through the lair, and Leo was glad to be the one supporting him. He reveled in the solid mass in his arms, the warm and undeniable truth that his brother was not lost to him, that he had not failed so completely that he destroyed his family. The feeling was heady and he felt like he was floating.

The floating feeling lasted the entire length of the home and right up until he pushed Don through the open door of the infirmary and were greeted by the sight of Michelangelo sitting on one of the tables with a bandage around his fist and Raph standing just beyond the doorway with his arms crossed his plastron.

“We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And talk they will, no worries. A lot of things will be coming out, trust me.
> 
> Explanation time, I think. When I wrote the brotherly reunion, I very much had SAINW in mind. Raph was downright ecstatic to see Donnie in the episode, and showed affection so rarely seen on the show. Raph, I always thought, has a soft spot for Donnie. I don’t know whether it’s because they are both the middle children, or he feels he has to be protective of the gooey geek, but Raph always seems to be the first to jump to Donnie’s defense both in battle and out. Raph is going to be way more forgiving of Don’s transgressions than he is of Leo’s. In his mind, Leo caused all this and was just a bad influence on Donnie. He may be upset about Donnie doing his own thing, but it’s only because he wasn’t there to have his back. As a buddy of mine on tumblr pointed out, Donnie and Raph are both rebels, only Donnie’s a bit more subtle about it. 
> 
> And Mikey was, there is no other word for it, pissed. Seriously, Mikey was seriously cheesed off to see a brother that was missing for 30 years suddenly come back. No welcoming hug, no smile, no nothing. His explanations of the world around him were harsh and slightly unforgiving, he pulled no punches except to perhaps make his point across. I mean, how else can you explain him leading Donnie to Splinter’s grave instead of letting him down gently. He did that on purpose, he wanted to see Donnie hurt. He wanted his wayward brother to feel a portion same pain he has felt for the past 30 years. And had he not had those 30 years and all those battles to mature into the turtle we saw, I can almost guarantee that SAINW!Mikey would have punched Donnie’s lights out. Its quiet evident that time and that world had not been kind on Michelangelo and it showed. Also, I kept having this thought run through my head as I wrote this: He’s beauty, he’s grace, he’ll punch a brother in the face…
> 
> And I seem to have a thing about one-on-one convos between Splinter and Donnie. Seriously, this is like the, what, fourth story that had some really intense father-son talks? I think it’s because out of all his sons, I feel that Donatello is the least like him and perhaps the one he understands the least. Of course, Splinter understands plenty when it comes to this genius, but compared to his other sons, they have less in common and have completely different views. Plus, Donnie’s mind works in ways that Splinter can never truly understand or appreciate (in regards to difficulty and vastness of his potential), and Donnie wasn’t really built to be a ninja master, so he is the least likely to follow in his father’s footsteps if the opportunity came up. (Which is funny, because I’m brainstorming a fic where Donnie does end up becoming a Sensei, what?) I create talks like this to try and create a bond that I wish we could see more on screen. I mean, its quiet obvious that Splinter loves all his sons equally, and that Donnie loves his daddy, I just am always looking for more ways to connect. I’m just like that, lol.
> 
> Chapter title came is from the band Shinedown.


	11. Chapter 10 - Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys all sit down for a nice chat...well, nice is a relative term...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you guys so much for all the support you have given me for this series. I’m truly honored. It’s great to be able to come back to the fandom and realize that I’m still as welcomed as I was before. As I am sure I’ve stated before in other fics, I took a six year hiatus from writing in general and only recently came back because I became motivated by the new movie coming out. And I’m so glad I did. It allowed me to not only complete my first NaNoWriMo novel (you guys are reading it now), but it allowed me to join back up with this wonderful fandom. As some of you may know, I’ve recently been nominated for the Stealthy Stories competition, for Best Turtle Tot and Best Splinter for my first fic back in the game, ‘Four-Eyes.’ It is humbling and gratifying knowing that this gal can still get on this bike and people liked it enough to recommend it. Truly, truly grateful!
> 
> Geez Louise, are we almost done yet? I seriously feel like I just started posting this monster (as my beta and I like to call it) and it’s almost the end. 
> 
> Beta’d by my great friend, Kamerer220.

Chapter 10 – Home

-o-

There's no other love like the love for a brother.   
There's no other love like the love from a brother.  
**-Astrid Alauda**

-o-

“For two supposedly intelligent turtles, you sure do act so dumb sometimes.”

Don winced as he felt Leo run another stitch through his arm. Leo paused to send him another look of apology before continuing his work. Normally he would have gotten Raph or even Mikey to stitch his brother up, because they had more of a stomach for it. He just didn’t think it was safe to let either of those two so close to Donnie with a sharp object at the moment, especially since Raph had decided to not wait until after Don was already fixed up before starting his ‘talk.’

“I mean, even me and Mikey’s dumb butts never pulled off something this stupid.”

Mikey’s cry of mock-indignation was ignored as Leo paused in his stitching again to turn to Raph. 

“Excuse you,” Leo said, sending Raph a glare. “I’m trying to sew up some flesh here! Can you can it for five minutes until I’m done? It won’t be even if your snarky attitude makes the patient jump every time you speak.”

Donnie, who was actually being pretty steady about it, gave an exasperated look at his eldest brother but didn’t verbally disagree with him. 

“Fine,” the red-masked turtle bit out and stopped his pacing to send a death glare at the pair.

Raph had been moving listlessly around the room the second Leo and Don had entered. Leo had tried to talk his brothers out of this confrontation at that moment of time, citing that Donnie needed some rest before anything else needed to be said. Raph looked like he might have backed down after he saw the weariness in his recently returned brother’s face, but it was Michelangelo who stuck to his guns.

“If he didn’t want to be ganged up on,” Mikey had said, “then he shouldn’t have gone off on his own.”

The blue-masked brother was ready to continue the argue Donnie’s case for him when Don placed a hand on his shoulders and smiled gently at him. 

“It’s okay,” he had said. “They’re right.” 

And so, Mikey and Raph stayed, each taking their turn in verbally showing their displeasure while Leo started to fix up Donnie. 

Leo turned back to what he was doing, but years of instinctive need to have the last word made him continue. “And wasn’t it you that always sneak out of here to bash a few heads by yourself?”

“Yeah, a few heads.” There was a warning growl in Raph’s voice that Leo purposely ignored. “But I didn’t set out to try and take down the whole Foot organization!”

“’Did.’”

Everyone looked at Donnie, who had remained silent throughout the warm-masked brothers’ tirades. 

“I didn’t just ‘try’ to take out the whole Foot organization,” Don said calmly. “I actually succeeded. All of the higher ups died in the explosion. I know, I saw them all in the throne room with me when Karai and I battled. The only ones left are lower level minions and their names have already been sent to the police. Most of them lived in the tower and are now homeless. They’ll either get gathered up by the authorities and flee the country.”

“But what of their constituents in Japan,” Leo inquired. “Wouldn’t they try to come over seas and seek revenge?”

“They could try,” Don said, “but they’d have to do it out of pocket. I sent a virus to their main computers and it’s syphoning every cent from their coffers to various charitable organizations anonymously as we speak. By the time they want to gather up enough troops to send them our way, they won’t have a yen to their name.”

They gave him a hard, disbelieving stare. He felt those looks and suddenly felt sadness and anger start to rise from him. 

“What?” He asked, a little heat behind it. After everything he just did, did they still doubt his skills?

“Kid,” Raph said, his face still in stunned disbelief, “remind me to never piss you off.”

Don blinked at that and turned to Mikey, who also showed a begrudging look of respect while still trying to appear pissed. 

Leo, whose back was facing his two other brothers, gave his injured brother a grin that Don tried not to mimic. He didn’t want the wrath of his brothers to come down on him again because they thought he was being cavalier. So he straightened his face as much as he could as he turned back to his brothers. They looked expectantly at him, that strange mixture of proud and pissed and he felt the sudden urge to break down again. How had he missed those looks? How he missed seeing anything but faces filled fear and wariness turned his way. 

Maybe they would all be able to get through this.

There was a few more moments of silence as Leo finally finished up sewing Don’s arm and he started packing things away. Raph watched with a determined look on his face at the back eldest’s head. 

“You done, Fearless?” Raph inquired. “Am I allowed to bash some sense into your heads?”

Leo closed up the medical kit with a heavy sigh. “As long as it is only metaphorically and not physically,” he said with some reluctance, “fire away.”

“If you keep using Donnie’s ten-dollar words, yours  _ will _ be physical.”

Rather than being intimidated by Raph’s words, Leo just grunted and brushed him off. He turned to his brother, who was still sitting on the table where he had left him and placed a protective hand on his left shoulder. “You don’t have to do this now,” Leo said quietly, catching the brown eyes of his brother. “This can wait a few.”

“No,” Don said, equally soft. His eyes imploring Leo’s with earnest. “I think I need to do this now. No more waiting.”

“Good,” Raph broke in, having watched the exchange intently. He cracked his neck with a neat little turn of his head and set his eyes directly onto his two infuriating brothers. “Let’s get this party started.”

“Raph,” Leo tried to intercept again, and while Donnie was appreciative of his protection, he just really wanted to get this over with so he could get into his bed and sleep the rest of the year away. “Go easy on him, it’s not his fault.”

“You're right, it ain’t,” Raph snarled. “It’s yours. Where else would he get the stupid idea to take on that bitch and her entire army by himself?”

“I’ve already taken responsibility for that, Raph.” Leo stared at his brother. “I know it was stupid, that it was reckless. I know that  _ now _ . I didn’t then. I thought it was the only way to make you safe.”

“It was the easiest way to ‘make us safe,’ you mean?” Raph accused. “You’d just walk right in there, off her, and take the glory for yourself, huh?”

“It wasn’t about glory!” Leo looked aghast at that. “It was never about glory. I wanted to protect you!”

“Who says I need your protection?” the sai-wielder snarled. 

“You do!” Leo shouted back. “Every time you run out of here in a huff because something upsets you! Every time you go off on your own without thinking things through! You are going to get yourself killed one day because you are too much of a bonehead to-“

“Don’t turn this around on me!” Raph got into Leo’s face. “I’m not the one who accepted that bitch’s invitation to off yourself! I didn’t blindly follow her lead and almost walked right into her trap.”

“I trusted her, okay?” Leo yelled, a bit of desperation was in his voice. “I trusted her to keep her word, as a Ninja. I know that it was a mistake! I already said I’m sorry!”

There as a moment of silence, where only their heavy breathing could be heard. Raph finally gave a glare.

“Trusted her?” His voice was low, but it still sounded booming to the rest of the room’s occupants. “How could you still trust her after everything she did?”

Leo looked torn and confused, as if he couldn’t explain why he felt that way. He opened his mouth to try to explain the strange feelings he had for the now dead woman but Donatello beat him to it.

“Of course he trusted her.” His words were soft and full of understanding. “He cared for her once. She wasn’t always the evil, vengeance bound woman she turned into. Even you know how hard it is for Leo to stop trusting someone he once cared about.”

Leo stared open-mouthed at his quiet brother, but Don had only eyes for Raph. “That is the kind of turtle Leo is. He’s sometimes too trusting, always trying to find the good in everyone. It’s just his nature,” he said, his brown-eyes imploring into Raph’s amber ones. “It’s infuriating, believe me. And sometimes heart wrenching, especially when some of them break that trust, but that’s just who he is. His trust in others is just as much a part of him as your overbearing protective nature, or Mikey’s insufferable laughter.” 

“Or your annoying ten-dollar words,” Raph piped in, his voice almost matching the tenderness in Don’s. The answering grin on Don’s face was sweet and a tad bit mischievous.

“Affirmative,” he said cheekily, and saw that Raph answered it with a grin of his own. “He wouldn’t be the Leo we know and love if he didn’t have his trust.” 

That last part was said to Leo, his eyes steady on his older brother. Just the feel of them on him made Leo’s heart swell with joy. Despite the harsh words from on the rooftop, and despite the anger from their other two brothers, Leo was starting to finally believe that everything was okay, that he hadn’t completely torn his family apart. 

“Fine,” Raph finally said, his voice gruff. They heard the playfulness behind them, but they were all wise enough to not mention it. “He’s a trusting S.O.B. and shouldn’t be held at fault for that.”

Don gave a grin, but it was quickly smothered because Raph rounded on him. “That still don’t make it right. Neither does the fact that you went behind his back and the rest of the family’s to do it instead of him.”

“I know,” Don said, his voice quiet again. “I thought it was the best strategy at the time.”

“Your best strategy was to blow up Foot HQ?” Raph asked, his voice mildly disbelieving. The tone caused anger to flit across Don’s face before it became alarmingly blank.

“What’s the matter, Raph?” His voice carefully void of sentiment, which caused all of his brothers to take notice. While not the most emotional turtle in their clan, when Don appeared unfeeling, it was either because he was so angry that he felt the need to cut off everything or was trying to mask his hurt. They were unsure what it was this time and were understandably wary. “I thought you would have been all for it, blowing up a few buildings and taking out our enemies. Especially if it meant it was teaching Leo a lesson. I thought out of everyone, you would understand.”

Leo expected an angry retort from his immediate younger brother, but he was surprised to see Raph frown slightly, his eyes narrowing on the purple-masked turtle as if he was trying to decipher him. After a moment’s pause, Raph answered with surprisingly level-headedness. 

“Of course I would have been down for it,” he said. “Which is exactly why I’m surprised that you didn’t at least come to one of us.” He motioned between Michelangelo and himself. “We would have had your back had we known what was going on.”

“Really?” Don inquired. “You would have been down with what was essentially mutiny?”

“Uh, yeah, dude,” Mikey finally piped it. “If it was to take down our worst enemies, we would totally want to be all over that.”

Raph gave Mikey an appreciative smirk before turning back to Donnie. 

“Yeah, we would have been with you, ‘til the end of the line, bro,” Raph said, his voice surprisingly gentle, “but something tells me you already knew that.”

“Which begs the question,” Mikey continued, “why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want to get you guys in trouble,” Don said, with a shrugged. It looked believable. It sounded believable. Leo knew, though, that it was not the real reason.

“Bullshit,” Raph called out. “You ain’t the one to back out of trouble, nor get anyone else into it either. I’m your scavenger buddy when you wanted to sneak out of the lair to get stuff from the junkyard, remember? And you and Mikey are like some little peas in a damn pod when it comes to pranks. What gives?”

“This is different from sneaking out and pranks, Raph,” Don argued. “This was much more dangerous.”

“Exactly why you should have asked for help,” Raph pushed. “What, don’t you trust us to have your back?”

“What?” Don looked surprised. “O-of course not! I trust you guys with my life!”

“Then why didn’t you ask for help?” Raph glared at him and Leo saw Donnie gulp. His defenses were weakening, they all could see it, but he wasn’t done fighting yet.

“I just wanted to prove that I could do it by myself, is all,” he said, his voice sounding more and more defensive.

“Not buying that either,” Mikey said, his voice surprisingly stern. He clinched his wrapped fist, but showed no signs of pain. Leo thought that perhaps he was past that now.

Don looked wildly between his brothers, trying to find a friendly face to help back his stories up. He was sinking deeper and deeper into his panic and Leo had enough. 

“Donnie, just tell them.”

Everyone froze for a moment before turned to look at the leader in blue. Raph’s and Mikey’s looks were disbelieving and Don’s held a look of pleading. But Leo wasn’t easily swayed. Never was.

“Tell them, or I will.” It wasn’t a bluff, Don could tell. He knew that Leo had had access to his computer, to his notes, to his journals. He knew what happened and was willing to spill whatever information he had to end this thing. 

The look of defeat was so tangible that Leo almost felt bad for using that card. Almost.

“Donnie?” Mikey asked, his voice much kinder than before now that he knew that they had won. “Why didn’t you want us to help you?”

There was an answering silence, one that dragged on for almost a full minute. Just when it looked like Donnie wasn’t going to respond them, he said in a small voice, “The last time I led you guys on a mission to kill the Shredder, you all died.”

The silence was deafening. They all stared at purple-masked ninja, who refused to meet anyone’s eyes. His face was down turned, his mouth in a grim line, and his eyes sparkled with unshed tears. Leo looked just as grim, while the other two just looked confused. 

“What are you talking about?” Mike asked, the bewilderment quite evident in his voice. He looked at Raph, who was just staring hard at Donnie. 

“We didn’t die, Donnie.” Raph’s voice was low and a little angry. “We’re right fucking here.”

Don flinched at the language, or maybe it was the tone, but he still refused to lift his head. His shoulders started to shake slightly, from both fatigue and emotion, and Leo decided it was time for him to take over.

“Remember when the Ultimate Drako sent us to different-“ Leo started to tell the tale, but he was interrupted.

“No.” Don’s voice was clear, and precise. His body was no longer shaking, and he was no longer hiding his eyes from his brothers. They were still wet, but determination filled them. “It’s my story,” he continued. “I should be the one to tell it.”

They stared at each other for a few moments, chocolate eyes meeting ebony, until Leo nodded, giving into Don’s request. Don let out a huge sigh and turned to the confused brothers. He visibly fortified himself.

“I wasn’t exactly truthful when it came to my accounts of what happened when I went to that other dimension…”

Leo sat down as he watched his brother recount his experience in that dystopian future he was forced to endure. Don’s breathing remained steady, his voice a little dull, as if he was giving a report instead of spilling one of his darker secrets. It was unnerving to watch, so he turned his attention to his two other brothers, whose looks of horror and sorrow were only slightly less unsettling. Mikey looked like he wanted to cry and Raph appeared to want to punch something. His fist continued to clench and unclench as Don told his tale, whose voice becoming more robotic as the story went on. When the brainy turtle got to the parts where the other dimension brothers died, Raph swiftly kicked the nearest item, a bucket filled with used tools, and the parts scattered across the previously pristine floor of the infirmary. Mikey and Leo jumped, but Don never paused. It was as if a machine took his place, leaving him devoid of all emotion and unable to stop until he finished his task. He kept on until he came to the end of his story, which was when he phased out of that world and into the one Leo had sent him.

“And you know what happened next,” he said in conclusion. His voice was slightly warmer, less mechanical, as if he was finally coming to himself. He blinked as he looked at his brothers around him. Mikey, standing in his corner with his hands over his mouth. Leo, sitting on the stool and his eyes shining with understanding. Raph, turned from him with his shoulders clinched tight with anger. He gave a sad sigh. “I’m so sorry I killed you.”

The movement was quick and unexpected. One second, their red-masked brother was on one side of the room, and next he was on top of Donatello, his hands clenching almost painfully at his head as he forced his brother to meet his eyes. Leo had shot up and was about to pull Raph off of him, but Mikey, who at the movement had lowered his hands, shook his head at him, stopping his interruption.

“No,” Raph growled at him, his face a mixture of anger and grief. Don looked wide-eyed at his brother, his eyes almost crossing because of his proximity. “No, you ain’t got nothing to be sorry for. Shredder and that bitch of a daughter were the ones that did them in. You didn’t kill us, Donnie, cuz I’m still alive, still here, holding you like I am, see? So you stop that right now.”

“But-“ Don started to argue, his eyes welling up again. His voice was as thick as it had been dry before. “It was my fault. It was my  _ plan _ .”

“And it was a good one,” Raph said, his voice a little quieter. “It was a great plan. It killed the Shredder, didn’t it?”

Don nodded with the best of his ability at having his brother’s strong grip on his face. He opened his mouth to speak again, but his older brother cut him off.

“Then they didn’t die for nothing. Don’t you go blaming yourself, cuz there is one thing I know for sure. They ain’t us, Donnie. We ain’t them, but just like them, I’d follow you anywhere. I’d follow you to hell and back, if I have to. Don’t you ever doubt that. I’ll die for you, as I’ve killed for you, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat, so stop it with the blaming yourself.”

“I-“

“No, it stops.” Raph stared long and hard at his brother, never letting his eyes waver and Don found himself swallowing hard and nodding in return, a small smile played at Don’s lips. Raph gave a grin in return, but didn’t let go of his brother’s face. Instead he leaned over to where their foreheads rested against each other, very reminiscent of that moment Leo and Don shared on the rooftop. They both closed their eyes, enjoying that moment of closeness before Raph continued. “Why didn’t you tell us about this?” His voice was soft, so much softer than any of them had ever heard. “We could have helped you get through it. You didn’t have suffer that alone.”

Don’s answering sigh was quiet, just a breath of air against Raph’s emerald skin.

“Why didn’t you tell me about taking that amulet from Karai?” Don’s voice was low, with absolutely no malice behind it, but it caused Raph’s head to fly back as if he was punched. He quickly let go of Donnie, who was thrown slightly off balance at the loss of support and wobbled a little before catching himself. Raph stared in horror at him for just a moment before he rounded on Leo, his anger back in full swing.

“You fucking told him?” Raph roared. “You told us not to tell him!”

“Raph, he didn’t-“ Don started to defend Leo, but Raph quickly ignored him.

“You always gotta have it your way, don’cha?” The growl was a warning of impending danger and Leo turned to meet it.

“I never told Donnie anything,” Leo said, his voice much calmer than Raph’s, steady as a mountain. “And I would appreciate it if you would listen instead of flying off the handle every five seconds.”

“I’ll show you flying,” Raph threatened, his fist starting to fly back, but Don’s booming voice halted it.

“Stop!” They all turned to the normally soft turtle, his face filled with annoyance.  “Leo never said anything. It was Karai who spilled the beans when she thought I was him.” He turned his alight eyes to Leo, “Though that would have been great information to have when facing her, but the blame can’t be put on one turtle for that, can it?”

Don gave another sigh, and lifted his hand to wipe off some sweat that was starting to form on his brow. “But it doesn’t matter now, I’m not angry. I understand why you did it. It was the exact same reason I didn’t tell you about what had happened to me.”

“And why is that?” Raph inquired, anger still evident in his voice but he no longer looked like he was going to attack. 

“Because it wasn’t our burden to bear.” Everyone turned to the nearly forgotten member of the room. Mikey ignored everyone else’s eyes, however, and was solely focused on Don’s. “You didn’t want us to feel responsible for anything that happened because there was nothing we could have done to change it. You didn’t want us to be weighed down by something we had no control over.”

Don’s smile, which had been lost as of late, was big and beautiful, and Mikey gave one in return.

“Yes,” Don said, beaming at his little brother. “Yes, that is exactly it.” He turned to the rest of his brothers, who all were starting to show signs of understanding. “I felt like there was no point in worrying you guys over what happened in the past.”

“But it mattered to you,” Leo said. “It obviously affected you deeply, and that is all the more reason you should have told us.” Leo walked over to his brother, placing a hand on his shoulder. “We would have wanted to be there for you.”

“I know,” Don said, his smile returning. “I get that now.” His face listed slightly, his eyes going half-mast.

“Good,” Leo answered. He started to smile at his brother’s droopy face until he realized what it meant. Suddenly, Don pitched forward and he quickly caught his fallen brother before he was even remotely near the ground. 

“Oops,” Don said drowsily, his voice slurring slightly. “I should have seen that coming.”

Leo swallowed back a chuckle, before turning to his other brothers, who looked on in concern. “I know you guys wanted to talk this out, but I think it’s the end of the road for this one.”

“Here, bro,” Mikey said, coming forward and indicating wanted to help. Don flinched slightly, narrowing his eyes at him.

“You’re not going to punch me again, are you?” Don asked tiredly, his eyes barely staying open. 

“Not right now,” Mikey said pleasantly, his grin promising further retribution in the future. “Let’s get you nicely tucked into your bed. And you’re gonna get comfortable, cuz you might not leave it for a while.”

Don groaned slightly as Leo transferred his weight onto Mikey and the two youngest started out of the infirmary and headed towards Don’s room. Leo moved to follow but was held back by Raphael, who was giving him an unreadable look.

“You know this conversation ain’t anywhere near over, right?” Raph said, his voice tight. Leo bit back a sigh and nodded, squaring his shoulders for round two. Instead of entering another lecture, Raph threw his arms around Leo and gave a brief but heartfelt hug. Leo, slightly shocked by the show of affection towards him, barely had enough time to return it before Raph backed away slightly to just place one of his arms over the leader’s shoulder. “But I figured that we all need a little break, you know, to get over the excitement.”

Leo’s face showed his relief and he nodded his agreement. Raph roughly squeezed the shoulder but Leo never flinched. 

They started heading out of the infirmary themselves and heard Mikey’s excited yell across the lair.

“Dudes! I so called it on the Shellcell thing! You guys can suck it!”

Leo right out laughed, jostling’ Raph’s arm. In retaliation, Raph swiped at his head with his other arm and made Leo’s mask go askew. Leo peaked at his brother from under his mask and saw the grin on his brother’s face.

“Yeah, we ain’t never gonna hear the last of that.”

Leo laughed again, the euphoria of his brother’s return and that his family was finally back together was making him a little loopy.  He knew that their troubles were far from over, and that Raph was right, they did need to talk, but somehow Leo felt that it wouldn’t be the worst conversation he ever had. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the second to last chapter is done. Now just the epilogue and this story is finished. ~~Or is it?~~ I really, really enjoy writing these brotherly moments. This fic needed it desperately. They are all finally together and mostly whole and that’s how it’s supposed to be. 
> 
> The Shellcell thing, if you remember, is in chapter 5 when Mikey, in his denial rant, correctly guessed the reason why Donnie’s Shellcell wasn’t working. It was going to come out differently, in the chapter before, but I guess it really didn’t need to be said. But you do get a bonus excerpt below.
> 
> Chapter title is from the song by Daughtry. 
> 
> -o-
> 
> Bonus Excerpt:
> 
> “Why didn’t you call us?” Leo asked, trying to defuse the tension.
> 
> “I meant to,” Don said. “But the electromagnetic wave caused my phone to short out.”
> 
> There was a moment of stunned silence that Don didn’t understand. He looked between Raph and Leo, who were looking at Mikey in disbelief. Mikey’s face, however, had started to lose that angry scowl and was battling with a triumphant grin.
> 
> “Dudes,” Mikey finally proclaimed before Don could inquire about it, “I so called it.”
> 
> “Mikey was right?” Raph asked. Leo nodded numbly.
> 
> “Mikey was right.”
> 
> Don was still confused. “Are you guys going to-“ (Splinter clears throat)


	12. Epilogue - Hello World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost six months after the fall of the Foot, Donatello has time reflect the rest his life with his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 108,265 words, three months of writing, countless edits, self-doubts, and unbelievable amount of views, my NaNoWriMo novel is now done. All thanks to you, fine reader. You successfully accessed my head (and my heart) in word form and did not turn away. And I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your loyalty and your care. I appreciate every person who has set their eyes upon this thing I lovingly call a monster. So this final chapter is dedicated to you. Yes you. Again, thank you for this beautiful time in my life. I may not be making money from this long endeavor, but I feel like the richest person in the world.
> 
> Oh, is that too sappy. Too bad, I feel sappy. Thank you.
> 
> Beta’d, as always, by one of my dearest friends, Kamerer220.

Epilogue – Hello World

-o-

“There is a destiny that makes us brothers, no one goes his way alone;   
all that we send into the lives of others, comes back into our own.”  
– Edwin Markham

-o-

Hamato Donatello stared out into the darkening sky. The sun had just set which allowed him the pleasure of hiding out on the roof of April’s apartment. It was still a bit nippy, being that it was the beginning of April. Nearly six months had elapsed since he brought down the Oroku Saki Tower and he was still getting used to the new skyline. He was still getting used to a lot of things.

So many things have changed since that fateful night he decided that he could no longer sit on the sidelines while his brother tried to take the fate of their family into his own hands. He had always been a turtle who was quick to think, but slow to act, weighing the pros and cons of each decision before he made them. It was yet another thing he envied his older brother for, he could think quickly and immediately take action. Donnie’s mind was his greatest strength, but it had proven to be also his greatest weakness also.

“Not my fighting skills,” he murmured into the void. “Just my perception of them.”

It had taken a few dozen tea time with Splinter and a couple of knocks to the head from their more physical brother for him to start to realize that his perception of his own skills were greatly underestimated. He had been too busy comparing his abilities with those of his brothers, counting every flaw in every category, that he overlooked his own positives and his brothers’ weaknesses. Especially Leo’s. He still didn’t like to think about it, because it only highlighted his own failings as a scientist. His observations had always been a great strength, but he had allowed his own prejudices and self-doubt to color his view to be an unbiased observer of what was going on in his own family and he felt more ashamed of that than his lack of belief in himself. It was a slow process, he knew, getting him out of one mindset and into another, and he still had a long way to go. _They_ had a long way to go. 

His family had been there at every turn, sometimes very literally. Part of his punishment was that he was not allowed out by himself. It was a punishment that Leo shared, and this had been one of the few moments he had been allowed a moment of respite aside from bathroom trips and most bedtimes. Don smiled at that. More than once he found himself waking up to a brother snuggled up against him (in Michelangelo’s case, _on_ him). Months ago, he would have been irritated by this, this constant shadow everywhere he went. The smothering had been a factor for his little act of… rebellion, but, strangely, he didn’t mind it that much now. Of course, the lack of privacy was a little irksome, but whenever he would see the silhouette of one brother slip away only to be replaced with another one was oddly soothing and comforting. He was built to be a team player, after all. He was not meant for solo missions. He doesn’t want to partake in another one any time soon. 

It was nice though, to have a brief moment to himself, though he knew it would never last long. 

“Enjoying the view?” Don smiled and turned to one of his shadows, though this one he knew was more sympathetic than the others. Leo moved from the ladder and went to sit next to his brother. Don turned back and his eyes immediately went to the empty space that used to be occupied by their greatest enemy’s base. 

“Immensely,” Don said, a small smile resting on his faced. He could feel the answering smile on his brother’s face even though he couldn’t see it. They shared a few moments of silence, appreciating the new skyline of New York and each other’s company. 

“They are going to start missing us soon,” Leo stated, his voice filled with fondness, as if he found their brother’s recent proclivity for mother-henning to be amusing. Don certainly did. He called them mama and papa pit bulls in his head. He was just waiting for the right time to tell them. He wanted to see Raphael’s face when he found out he was ‘mama.’

“I give it a few more minutes though,” Don said, finally turning attention fully to the blue-masked turtle. “Mikey is too busy going gooey eyed at April’s ring and Raph still has some of his ‘this is the end of your bachelorhood’ and ‘you are going to be so boring now’ speech to get through.”

Leo laughed, “Yeah, I don’t know why I’m surprised he finally popped the question.”

“I wasn’t.” Don saw Leo’s gaze turn from merriment to something close to pitying and he quickly had to bite down the irritation at that look. He still had a long way to go. 

“How?” Leo asked hesitantly, and Don shrugged.

“Casey asked for help picking out the ring.” 

“Not Raph?”

Don rolled his eyes. “As if Raph would know what kind of ring to get April.”

The olive-skinned turtle gave a hearty chuckle at the thought of Raph looking for diamond rings. He remembered Casey’s blundering epiphany as he tried to explain to Don what he had wanted from him two weeks before. The two had gotten closer since the downfall of the Foot. When their two human friends had found out that Don was actually alive, they had raced down to the sewers to check on him themselves.  Donnie barely remembered the exchange, only that he had been awaken from his sleep by a crying and mad April, who alternated between punching his arm (hard, he swore he still felt the bruises) and throwing her arms around him over and over again. She gave him a mixture of scolding and praise before storming out of his room, leaving all parties stunned in her wake. Casey had been surprisingly the calmer of the two, giving him two punches (unintentionally on top of April’s) of congratulations, told him he was happy he was alright, and that he thought it was “awesome” that he blew up the Foot all by himself. The following months were filled with praise from the vigilante, something both Raph and April had been unsuccessfully trying to curb. Now Casey Jones thought the geeky turtle was a hero and wouldn’t let anyone say a negative thing about him. He would invite Don out whenever Raph and he would go out to bash some heads or just to watch some hockey on T.V. and offered to go with him to junkyards from time to time. Don appreciated the gesture greatly, but had to decline each offer due to his punishment. The human never stopped, though, and Don hoped that one day he could get a chance to hang out with the big lug once everything got back to normal.

Don shook himself out of his musing and turned to look at Leo. There. There was that look again, much more prominent than before and Don couldn’t hold it back any longer and decided to set his brother straight. 

“I’m not heartbroken, Leo,” Don said, his voice only a touch terse. “And I would appreciate it if you stopped looking at me like I was.”

It wasn’t just a readjustment on his self-perception that he had been working on, but also his emotional responses. Master Splinter had been correct, he had been allowing his over analytical mind to sequester his feelings and his reaction to them away until he felt the time would be more appropriate to express them. Though that release would never happen, because he either would forget about it or find it was never the appropriate time. It would build and build until his whole emotional being became unstable and he would be prone to strange outbursts that could lead to self-harm, or, in the most recent case, go on solo suicidal missions and blow up buildings. They worked on mediation that allowed his thoughts and feelings to flow through and out of him instead of allowing them to stay locked up in him and allow the pressure to build. While he was taking great strides, it was still a very slow process, far too slow for their infinitely patient father so he had acquired some outside help, someone who was an expert in this department and had no problem expressing their anger, in particular. Raphael had been surprised about their father’s request to help Donnie find multiple ways to express his emotions, but Donnie couldn’t say he was. Raph had plenty of experience not holding back his emotions. If there were one being in the entire universe that could help him in this endeavor, Don was glad it was a brother and someone he could trust. So he had spent a lot of hours with Raph in the dojo and the garage, finding activities that would suit their purpose. They were still experimenting on several techniques, but he was already seeing improvement. Before that night, he wouldn’t have even whispered out loud a word of what he had just said to Leo. He would have internalized it and ignored it. Now that it’s out, it can be discussed, then let go.

“I-“ Leo started, then stopped himself. “Really? Because…”

“Because I love her?” Don inquired, a small smile forming on his face. “Of course, I do. I also love Master Splinter, and Raph, Mikey, and that bonehead downstairs.”

Don stared intently at Leo. “And you.” His voice was soft. “I love you all very much and I just want you all to be happy. She deserves to be happy. Unbelievably, after everything that has happened, she’s _happy_. I can’t want anything else for her.”

“That’s…” Leo said, his voice sounding a little choked up. He had evolved in the last few months also, less stoic, more prone to allowing his emotions be seen by his brothers, especially his love for them. It was a bit mushy at times but Don figured they could live with it. “That’s really nice.”

“It is,” he replied. “It’s really nice. We deserve a little happiness in our lives.”

Leo’s smile turned slightly mischievous, a new trait that read that their leader had spent too much time with the youngest for his own good.  

“Careful there, Donnie. You’re sounding a little whimsical there for a moment.”

“Shut up,” Don said with affection, and they allowed a comfortable silence to blanket them as they continued to watch the dark sky. Several moments passed before Leo spoke up again.

“Do you regret it?” He asked and Don turned to him and tried to gage his posture to get a clue at what his older brother meant, but the dim lighting made it difficult.

“Regret what?” Don asked. 

“Regret what you did,” Leo clarified. “Killing all those people. For blowing up the building.”

Don gave a funny look, almost disbelieving. “I _have_ killed before, Leo. That wasn’t the first time I had to take a life.”

“I know.” They all had taken a life by now, it was the price they had to pay to live their lives. It was brutal and ugly, but every kill they had made had been to protect life, never with malicious intent. “But never that many at one time.”

“No,” Don agreed and paused for a moment. “And no, I don’t regret it.”

He felt Leo’s eyes on him, so felt the need to clarify. “When President Harry Truman was asked about if he regretted ever dropping the Atomic Bomb, he said that he regretted a lot of things, but that wasn’t one of them.”

Don turned to his brother. “He as a man thrust into the role of leadership and was forced to make countless decisions to save the lives of every man the president before him had sent out. He said what he did was to save the lives of a half a million people, on both sides. Two hundred thousand people died in total of the bombings to save more than double that amount had he not given the order. It was a call he was willing to make, and under the same circumstances, would have made again.”

Leo gave a gentle smile. “So you blew up hundreds to save the millions that the Foot threatened?”

“No,” Don said calmly. “Only four.” 

He saw Leo looked stunned and Donnie smiled. 

“Only four. The only ones of their kind. An endangered species.” Leo continued to look surprised, but a sense of understanding emerged and Don knew his point was coming across.

“I know you worry about me, worry about my conscious, but honestly, I have no regrets. I minimized the damage. I had given Karai a choice and now she and all of her generals are gone. I quite honestly never slept better in my life. Probably because you all are forcing me to honor my bedtime.” That had the desired effect as Leo let out a laugh. “I mourn for the lives I took, for I still believe that every life is sacred, but I did what I needed to do to protect my family. I don’t dwell on it. And neither should you.”

Leo gave him an indescribably look before it softened and he rested a hand on Donnie’s shoulder. “If you are at peace, then I am at peace.” Don grinned and reached up and gave a returned squeeze. They only had a moment to bask in this brotherly closeness when a slightly panicked voice rang out. 

“Donnie?!” Don would have snickered at his normally rough brother sounding like a terrified father if he hadn’t been the cause for his overprotectiveness to come out in full force. Both turtles on the roof turned to the roof access ladder where Raphael’s voice had come from.

“He’s up here with me,” Leo called down and there was a relieved snort that answered. 

“Yeah, that ain’t any better,” Raph grumbled, only partly good-naturedly. By then, he had made his way up and was giving a mock glare that couldn’t fully mask the relief of having his eyes on his two missing brothers. 

“Raph?” another voice called out, belonging to their youngest brother.

“Yeah, they’re up here.”

Michelangelo’s head popped up as Raph moved to stand behind Donnie. “Doing what?” he asked.

Leo smiled at the two new arrivals to their rooftop hideout. “Enjoying the view.” 

Mikey moved forward and settled himself between Donnie and Leo, kneeling on the cool concrete and put his elbows on the roof’s ledge, holding his head up as he gave out a mock-dreamy sigh. 

“I know we’re supposed to honor our Japanese heritage and all, but that building was atrocious.” He gave Don a cheeky grin. “All of New York thanks you for improving their market value, Donnie.”

“What about getting rid of the threat of thievery, torture, murder, and general violence the Foot threatened them with?” Leo asked, his tone just as mocking. Donnie didn’t even try to suppress the grin that formed as he watch Mikey scratch his chin as if to think about Leo’s rebuttal. 

“Nah,” he said, his mouth wide in playfulness. “Just the sight.”

It was the closest a ‘thank you’ his family had given Don about taking down the Foot single-handedly, and it was more than he wanted. He knew his family felt gratitude for the sacrifice he was willing to make for their protection, once the anger and the hurt started to fade away. He felt it with the soft looks and the gentle pats on the back. They never vocalized their appreciation for what he did, and that just shows how much his family knew their brainy brother. Everything he did for them, whether it was fix the toaster or build the Battleshell, or take down an international crime syndicate, was for their benefit and not for their recognition. While praise and thanks were nice, for him, having his brothers and sensei alive and whole was gratitude enough.

Raphael slung an arm over Don’s shoulder and kept his eyes forward, even after Don turned to look at him. He then looked to his left, were Mikey leaned up against his leg as he continued to watch the New York horizon. Don then looked up at Leo, who was looking at him, and Don felt the warmth of his brother’s gaze as real as if he had actually been touching him. 

As he felt the weight of his brothers around him, whether physically or spiritually, and thought of the loved ones in the apartment below, Don finally felt like things were well on their way to going back to a semblance of normalcy. He knew that his and Leo’s trust were still going to be hard-earned, and that the fear and pain he had caused his family were slow to fade, but Donatello knew that it would be worth the wait. 

After all, they now had a lifetime to do it.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that’s it. I’m done. You guys can go home now. Nothing to see here… nothing at all…except…
> 
> Maybe…
> 
> Possibly…
> 
> Something else?
> 
> “So promises had been made. They thought the debt had been paid. But did do they really know where the ~~blame was laid?~~ ”
> 
> Coming sometime around Fall 2015.


End file.
